r/PDAParenting

There is a lot of background information here, but I’ll try to be as brief as possible. AuDHD runs in my family, we just didn’t know it until my son was formally diagnosed two years ago. Myself, my mom, my grandma, and my son all have the same traits. All high intelligence, high novelty, high anxiety, high sensory sensitivities, and all seeking control in all situations. My son is the first boy in the family to display these traits, and it looks very different from all the women. We have been dealing conduct and aggression issues since pre-school, and now that he is entering into his preteens life is becoming increasingly more difficult.

I am divorced (F, 42) and he has an emotionally unstable father (M, 43) and a younger sister (8). By the time my son turned 6, most of my family members had died, including my father, his grandfather. That was also the same year we were divorced. From ages 6-10 my family has done their best, with my mom being one of the last living family members. When my father died, her mental health took a turn and she never recovered. She died in April 2026. The loss was extremely sudden and unexpected for my son, who adored her. To me she was cruel and unstable, but for him she was one of the few people that seemed to understand him and his view of the world. (To be clear, both my son and my mother have what can only be described as narcissistic views. The world happens ‘to them’ and they bear little to no responsibility for anything. No matter how much I offered my son, he thinks of no one but himself. His sister is his opposite.)

In the past three months, my son has grown increasingly obsessed with my mother’s legacy. First he asked for some of her belongs, then photos, then ashes, all reasonable. Then he asked for her purse. I was reluctant at first, but obliged as I understand that grief is complex, especially for someone like him who still struggles in ‘regular’ life. Now he’s starting to ask for women’s clothes and jewelry. For back to school shopping he’s looking at things that a middle aged woman might pick.

Anyone have experience or insight? For the record my son has a therapist, an in school counselor, an ABA, and a behavioral therapist working with him, so I have been actively seeking support for the last two years. I am repeatedly told how unique and complex his case is, as he is extremely smart, but also extremely unwilling to comply with basic demands. For example, as I write this post, he has stalemated with me at a store and refuses to leave unless I buy him the female clothes he wants for the start of school.

Thoughts?

Anyone’s teen taken this and if so did it help at all?

Hope this is the right place for this. My ASD 11-year-old seems to be dealing with some PDA signs and RSD (I know that's not an official dx). Lately she's told me she enjoys feeling "worthless" and "left out". She's been punishing herself with mean self-talk on purpose, particularly when in social settings or when she makes mistakes, like missing a test question or forgetting a chore. Despite encouragement that mistakes are normal and how we learn. I asked her what she meant by enjoying, if it like felt a certain way physically. She said it "makes her heart feel tight and little", and that she likes it.

If kids can see a behavior isn't helping them, sometimes they want assistance with it. But I'm not sure how to help her see this is unhelpful thinking for her (even if she thinks it feels good), and I'm worried that it could lead to self-harm. She's also hit puberty and all that entails emotionally, which is not helping. I do vaguely remember seeking out sad and angry music a lot as a teen, but that seems different from what is basically masochistic thinking.

She's had counseling for negative self-image before. Doesn't seem to have done much. I'm considering a psychiatrist because I'm out of my depth here, but it has been hard to get anyone in our area with Autism experience.

Has anyone else seen their kid revel in self-hate because they "like it"? What helped, if anything? I'm hoping I'm not alone in this.

Eg. ICD 11, DSM 5

My kid nearly threw a good size rock at my head today. I know we are both out of whack and not in a good place.

She has been potty training and there have been a lot of ups and downs. Right now we’re trying to sit on the potty every 2-3 hours and after each meal. It is a lot.

My concern is that this is for her health. If she’s not sitting, she’s holding it in. She has held pee for 24 hours. She will typically got 2 times a day but the doctors want her going more often. She was withholding poop for years and we have finally gotten past that with various supplements and medicines.

So I’m like… mentally in a panic about her health and trying to impart that knowledge on her that this is for her health.

When it has been a few hours since she has peed or attempted to pee, I start to worry. And I literally can’t make her pee. And I can’t make her sit unless I carry her and force her to do it or threaten consequences.

Her behavior has really escalated, the equalizing and aggression is getting really bad and it’s making me feel like a failure and like I’m going to ruin our relationship.

But I also feel like a failure that I can’t make my kid pee like she’s supposed to.

I don’t know how to switch this worry off.

I also think if I give in now she will think all her aggression and equalizing worked. I feel like I backed myself into a corner.

How do I get out of this loop?

My child 6yo creates situations that are set up to fail. She wants ice cream, I say yes, but she wants it in certain bowl, but I am neither allowed to wash up a bowl, or give it in another.... I tried to be 'creative and hit her lighter side offering her to choose 'anything' to have it in. No win. Meltdown.

I eventually washed it up and gave her ice cream in it. I expected a meltdown about that. But instead she was fine with the bowl, but she wouldn't accept it unless there was more ice cream.

Tbh I know I should have just given more ice cream, but my own internal crap was stuck too by then, and I didn't.

It's not the example/s I need help with. But it's to illustrate the Sabotage, no win, impossible situations she creates.

I don't get it? Nor the best way to handle it.

Or even the best way to survive it myself, so I'm parenting how she needs.

Maybe I'm more asking how to have the energy for it /fake it til you make it? As the constant flitting from one thing to another, that I 'must' sort for her/with her, drives me sideways (my brain doesn't multitask well anyway).

And the creating situations that can't have a solution (I'm sure there are better examples than this but I'm Empty of them right now)

My 7yo is obsessed with all things sports. He has a high level of energy and is constantly playing soccer, baseball, basketball, volleyball, pickle ball....he loves all sports. We've never had success with signing him up for sports though and he was just kicked out of a soccer camp for elopement and aggression (I have a long rant on that but I'll save it). He enjoyed the free play at the start of the day but once they moved on to drills this triggered him to fight or elope.

How can I foster his love of sports in a PDA friendly way (and also that doesn't require so many hours of ME being his playmate)?

Am I the only one who feels like this is a common occurrence with therapy for PDA/autistic kids? Because I’m exhausted.
My son is 7 and was officially diagnosed with autism and ADHD at 7. He has a very strong demand-avoidant profile, and his masking is honestly unreal.
At school, they tell me he “does great.” He has no friends, scored 0 on all of his state testing, and yet because he can mask and hold it together at school, there seems to be this assumption that he must not actually have significant difficulties.
I’ll say something like, “He knows how to do that. He can count to 100. He’s refusing because you’re asking him to do it,” and I get this look that makes me feel like they’re thinking, “No, maybe he just has a severe intellectual disability.”
His paperwork literally says “mentally disabled” but doesn’t even have autism listed.
And then there’s therapy.
His behavior therapy is basically: demands, demands, demands.
For example: “Before your next session, I want you to poop on the toilet three times.”
THANKS. 😂
Now he’s definitely not pooping on that toilet.
If the entire strategy is just putting demands on him, I could do that myself. What I need is someone to help me understand how to get him to the goal without immediately creating a massive demand-anxiety cycle.
Because after these sessions, I’m sometimes dealing with HOURS of dysregulation.
Then today happened.
He’s fairly new to OT. Getting him to therapy in the first place is HARD. Doctors, therapy, school, stores—anything unfamiliar can be a huge struggle.
But today?
He put his shoes on.
He got ready.
He got into the car.
He came into the building.
He sat in the chair and waited.
That was a HUGE accomplishment for him.
Then the therapist came out.
She didn’t introduce herself or say hello. She immediately said, “We can take that phone away now.”
He wasn’t even using it.
He wasn’t holding it.
He was literally hiding underneath the chairs because he was anxious.
The phone is basically a safety object for him. It wasn’t on. It was dead. We have rules around when he can use it, and he actually does really well with those rules.
So I explained, “I can take the phone from him, but that will probably create a behavior. He responds better when we give him appropriate boundaries rather than just taking things away.”
Apparently, that was a problem.
She wanted me to make him come out from underneath the chairs and go with her.
I know my child.
If I had forced him away from me in that moment, there is a very real possibility he would have escalated, tried to bolt, or completely destroyed the room.
And honestly? I had no idea whether this woman would be prepared to handle that.
So I said, “Okay, I’ll come back with him this time, and we can work toward him going independently next time.”
She did NOT seem happy about that.
And then the comments started.
“Oh, I see who the real parent is.”
“Mom just lets you control her.”
She started making comments about how he “doesn’t get to control Mom.”
She flicked his finger because he was peeling paint.
She kept making comments about his behavior and about me.
My son remained completely nonverbal.
Eventually he started hissing, which is one of his ways of communicating when he’s overwhelmed.
And she said, “Yep, they told me I should expect that.”
Which honestly made me wonder what exactly had been said to her before we even walked in.
At one point she left the room and I started recording because I was honestly in disbelief at how this interaction was going.
I stated that he doesn’t like
Being talking about in third person so you know what she does?
She continued with things like:
“Child is mad, huh?”
“Child doesn’t want to play, he just wants to throw toys at Mom because Mom lets him.”
I had already explained that he does better when he’s given choices instead of being forced.
For example, instead of throwing three toys at him and expecting him to pick one, give him three choices and let HIM decide.
But she kept pushing making comments towards him and me. Kept going near him when he would clearly move away. Kept picking at him
And it got to the point that even my FIVE-YEAR-OLD daughter looked at her and very sweetly said:
“My brother doesn’t like that you’re doing that to him.”“He doesn’t like that. He would like you to stop.”
And this woman responded to my 5-year-old:
“Oh, I see the issues. You speak for him, huh?”
That was it.
We left.
And yes, I ended up dealing with a six-hour meltdown afterward.
And I don’t blame my son for that.
I’m actually heartbroken because instead of being able to celebrate what he accomplished that day. putting his shoes on, getting in the car, walking into a new building, sitting in a waiting room, tolerating a completely unfamiliar person & not beating her up or eloping on me I spent the rest of the day dealing with the fallout from a situation that I feel could have been handled completely differently.
And THIS is what frustrates me about therapy.
I don’t expect everyone to let my child do whatever he wants.
I don’t expect him to never have demands placed on him.
I don’t think autism means he shouldn’t learn boundaries.
But there is a difference between teaching a child and trying to control a child.
I wasn’t refusing to take his phone away because I’m incapable of parenting him.
I was explaining that taking it away in that exact moment would likely escalate him, and I was trying to prevent a crisis.
I wasn’t “letting him control me” by staying with him.
I was recognizing that he was terrified, unfamiliar with this person, and already hiding under chairs.
I wasn’t refusing to make him participate.
I was trying to figure out HOW to get him to participate successfully.
That’s what I thought therapy was supposed to help with.
And honestly, I am tired of having to explain to professionals that refusal does not automatically mean inability.
My son can count to 100.
He can do a LOT of things.
He doesn’t always demonstrate those skills when someone demands that he do them.
Those are not the same thing.
Sometimes I feel like professionals see a child who won’t comply and immediately decide the answer is MORE demands, MORE consequences, MORE control.
Meanwhile I’m sitting there thinking:
“Can we please figure out WHY he is refusing and what will actually help him feel safe enough to participate?”
Because I don’t want my son growing up believing that therapy is another place where adults are going to force him, shame him, or try to “win” against him.
I want him to learn how to communicate.
I want him to learn coping skills.
I want him to become more independent.
I want him to learn appropriate boundaries and flexibility.
But I also want him to understand that his body belongs to him, his communication matters, and the adults helping him are actually listening to him.
So… am I the only one experiencing this?
Because sometimes it feels like every therapy we try comes down to the same thing:
“How do we make this child comply?”
When what I desperately need is:
“How do we help this child feel safe enough to participate?”
Signed,
A “bad mom” apparently, because I know my own kid and don’t think every problem needs to be solved by taking something away and forcing compliance. 🙃

Hi,

I wonder if you see this dynamic. Our kids mainly our 15 year old, but also the one with 19, both male, would have talks with their mother, only one on one when noone else is close. They mainly don't speak unless is to ask for things.

In these talks, they show vulnerability that they usually mask, and they talk about reasons for their avoidance that justify it by external causes, or people, and they express regret and make promises, in exchange for something they want.

Mom manifests what they want but the promises are never never fulfilled, and the reasons only fit a very small punctual thing of what they do.

This confused me until I saw a pattern, this happens when they have an appointment the next day that could mean a big change. Then this excuses them to go to the appointment, and mom goes to the appointment saying they had a breakthrough and the kid is going to get better because he said so.

I see that they repeat the promises that they heard doctors or us saying what would be positive. But once the event avoided is in the past, they act as if the talk never happened. Or repeat reasons that adults ask them "Is someone bulling you at school?" (Oh, If someone was, then my behavior would be justified, I'm gonna say yes).

This that looks like manipulation, I think is an instinctive defensive response, their brains finding the strategy that works to avoid danger.

Those talks used to give me hope, and I believe mom saying those were the real kids without masking, or without turning to conflict... Until I saw the patern.

Does this happen to you?

I had a very sad argument with their mother yesterday, it took away any energy I had.

Kids are now at home 24/7, it takes a lot of insistance to get them to shower once a week, and that's when they change clothes, but we tell them everyday. No going out for a walk, not doing any house chore, just lying there and asking for food/water to be delivered urgently when they want it.

I'm their step-father. I've been 12 years in the picture. I don't feel capable of having a strong authority, now at all. At the begining I could do a bit of acting, as a father that won't take a no for an answer, but that's not who I am, and it never worked with these kids. Also, that put their mother in defense mode, so she would say the oposite to the kids.

For example, we were going out and S19 went into s15's room, so s15 panicked thinking he would break or touch or steal something. That sabotaged the plan of going out, of course. Then she was asking S19 to get out of the room, and he not moving and taking it as a joke. I came, and said only "You, out!". Immediatelly, she changed tune, started sayind " s19 goes into his room very seldomly, and it's because he loves his brother...".

Those scennes, my own lack of character, and the kids hearing multiples times things like "I don't give a XXX what (ME) said" or " If there was a real man in the house, this wouldn't happen"... Made that I'm a joke for the kids, they can react if they see me very angry, but any other day, they know I don't have any authority there. At all.

Fast-forward 10 years, and yesterday she told me she has a plan, and that if I ask them things in a certain way, they will start with auto-care, and responsibility. I told her I can't do things like that when I don't believe they'll work, and that I need to save my anergy because I have barely the minimum to wake up and go to work. (I've been the only one working all these years). She asked me if it wasn't more comfortable to think like that. (this time she asked, but hundreds of times she's said that what I do is to make myself more comfortable). I told her that hurt me... and things heated, and I said "can't you think of a more comfortable alternative life for me?"

That's a thing that I can never say out loud, and I regret it. But it's the truth of everyday, if I was selfish, and wanted to be comfortable, I would have left many years ago. These kids have a biological father. On top of all, I was "friend-zoned" as soon as we moved in together. I stay and I do my best. I often want to be dead (they, maybe more often).

The thing is, I firmly believe we can't go in circles for even more years. We can't think one day the kids will obey and take care of themselves if we ask in the right way. I think only meds or a intensive therapy can turn things around for them. Or that they somehow reach a level of maturity that makes them want to do things in a different way.

It is true that we haven't got much success with psychiatrist, psychologist, and social services. But she's now convinced that as they don't help, we have to do our best to take them out of our lives. This takes the hope out of me.

In short, I don't feel capable of doing what she asks of me (give ultimatums to the kids) and I don't think it will help at all. And she doesn't want to do what I think is our only chance of improvement: getting proffesional help (keep looking and knocking on doors).

They way she took it was that I don't think the kids are capable of anything, and she added, then we might as well drink poison the 3 of us and leave you be.

She sent me the info about PDA 6 years ago, and since then we've been seeing the kids more and more act on that "script" fit the descriptions to the letter. But I see she doesn't fully accept it, and keeps thinking things are going to change with a seroius talk, or more rigid orders.

What's my question here? I'm not sure, I'm at my witt's end. Maybe what would you do in my situation? Should I play along? Should I say nothing when they don't go to doctors' appointments and she makes excuses for them instead of telling them it is a syntom? Or when she tells them what to say so they (the proffesionals) would leave us alone?

Thanks, I'm very sorry for the long post.

Hi everyone, my name is Kayla McMenimen and I am a doctoral student at the University of Indianapolis. I am reaching out to ask you if you would be willing to complete a survey for a dissertation research project I am running. The study will investigate the decision-making process for parents with children with autism spectrum disorder. Findings will contribute to our overall understanding about how parents make treatment decisions for children with autism spectrum disorder. If you decide to participate you will see a series of questions about demographic information, your beliefs and perspectives on autism spectrum disorder, as well as your experiences with making decisions for your child. The survey should only take about 15 minutes to complete and responses are anonymous.

Your participation is completely voluntary. To participate in the study, you must be aged 18 or above, be the parent or guardian of a child under the age of 18 that has been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, have primary or equal say in treatment decisions, and be able to read and comprehend written English to complete study questionnaires.

I am using a snowball sampling technique, which means that I ask people I know if they would like to participate and then they ask other people they know who meet the eligibility requirements if they would like to participate. If you are willing, please share this project with other people you know who meet the eligibility requirements using this same script.

If you have any questions, please contact me (mcmenimenk@uindy.edu) or my faculty project advisor Dr. Candice Burkett (burkettc@uindy.edu).

Survey link:

https://uindy.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_00zqCw2poTxp2DA

Please note that this survey functions better and is easier to navigate on a computer/laptop rather than a smartphone.

Thank you!

Kayla

The Human Research Protections Program (HRPP) approved this research study on 2/13/2026. Study number: 02390

My 12-year-old son hit burnout a few months ago and hasn't been able to attend school since.

Before all of this happened, we'd booked him onto a summer day camp back in January. It's a camp he's attended for years and has always loved. Yesterday, after a huge effort from both of us, he managed three hours there. He made a friend, had a good time, and I felt so happy and hopeful. For the first time in a while it felt like we might be taking a small step forward.

Today is a very different story. Despite me getting up at 6am so we could have a slow, low-pressure start to the day, he's still here at home and it seems very unlikely he'll make it in. I know it must be incredibly hard to be him. I know he's not choosing this. But if I'm honest, I feel really upset. Yesterday gave me so much hope, and today feels like a setback even though I know recovery isn't a straight line.

I don't even know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe reassurance from people who have been through something similar. It sounds awful to say, but there was a time when getting him to camp every summer felt like a hassle because it's such a long journey from home. Right now, I'd give anything to be back to those days, making those trips and watching him run in without a second thought.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of up-and-down pattern after burnout? How do you hold onto hope on the difficult days?

Has anyone figured out a solution or any help for equalizing against a younger sibling? I am so tired of listening to her berate her little brother who is the most flexible easy-going kind person. She could not have been paired with a better sibling because he takes so much shit from her, But it grates on my nerves as a parent and I see it destroying their relationship. She is completely oblivious, but he started to talk to me about it and how much he doesn’t like her and I cannot fault him at all.
Halp.

I'm a father of a 9yo girl, diagnosed with ASD and I really think she displays PDA behaviors.

I'm a psychologist and parenting councilor myself, I know about the importance of attachment and security, polyvagal states, etc.

And I find myself utterly dazed and confused in some situations with her, having no clue how to handle them. I'd like to describe one such situation from last night and get your perspectives like what would you have done.

I am aware that every family is different and every child is different and taking that into account while asking this question.

My daughter takes her sweet time getting ready for bed: brushes her teeth after some reminders and then she arranges the dolls on her bed. Recently she took to some specific arrangements which kind of feel OCD like but I'm not sure that's the case.

Anyway, it takes her a couple of minutes to have everything in order both because it's very specific and also she just takes her time, she's doing it whole dancing and having the time of her life not having a care in the world that it's getting later and later.

After she finishes this bed arranging she climbs into bed and kisses many of her dolls and there's a whole Spiel here until I can cover her with her blanket and give her a kiss and a hug.

So yesterday we got to the point where I could finally kiss her good night around 10:00 p.m. I was already exhausted and hadn't a lot of patience but I waited and did it and then I went to the living room to have a little bit off time with my spouse.

I put on an episode of Seinfeld to clear our minds and in like 10 minutes into the episode the daughter comes into the living room asking to be with us.

She really likes to sit down with us and watch TV together even though she doesn't really understand what's going on because it's a foreign language for her at the moment.

At first I was like "no I'm sorry, you have to go back to bed it's our time now and it's late" and she was like "but why can't I just be here with you a little bit, I will probably doze off while watching it with you and I will go to bed immediately after you finish watching TV". So I said "fine you can stay here as long as soon the show finishes you go back to bed".

Lo and behold episode is over and she's not going back to bed she lies on the sofa saying "I'm going to fall asleep here", obviously she is not going to fall asleep there and I'm telling her "I'm sorry but now you have to follow through on your promise, go back to bed I'll come with you I'll cover you that's fine but it's time to go back to bed" and then she starts to follow our dog around saying "I just want to kiss her good night" but this is another thing that takes forever, it's not like a kiss goodnight for the dog it's like 10 kisses and then 10 more Etc, it's always taking more and more time and again not listening to us when we tell her "I'm sorry you did promise something and we allowed you to stay here but now you have to keep your end of the bargain please go back to bed", she's completely ignoring us to the point that both of us got very very angry and told her that she's ungrateful and can't be trusted and that's really not cool and I don't remember exactly what happened but I think I just eventually took her and put her in the bed and that's how she went to sleep. which by the way took some time in which I stayed and hovered around her room because she always asks us to be there so she won't feel alone.

And of course that's just one example of her doing things in her own time not caring about how it affects everybody else, for example in this case all the mess disrupted her brother who was trying to fall asleep at the time and of course it made us feel very very bad.

So again my question here what would you have done if you were in my shoes at that situation. what has worked for you i'm open to listen to everything.

I feel like I’m just a caregiver to my 3 year old child rather than his mother. He has autism and suspected ADHD and sometimes I honestly don’t know whether he loves me or hates me. He can’t be without me and has severe separation anxiety, yet at the same time, it feels like he can’t stand anything I do.

He hates it when I play with him. He hates it when I touch his toys. He hates when I change his clothes or diaper, or when I brush his teeth. He even hates it when I say, in the sweetest and most playful voice, “Let’s put our shoes on. We’re going outside” even though going outside is his favourite activity.

He hates it when I try to teach him anything, whether it’s colouring, painting, or writing. He hates when I read books to him. He snatches the books out of my hands because he wants complete control and only wants to flip through the pages himself. Some days, he even seems to hate it when I talk near him or breathe around him. He constantly tells me to shut up. Even when I’m simply talking to my husband, he comes over, smacks me in the face and tells me to stop talking.

Around my parents, he can be extremely rude and difficult and I feel like I’m constantly trying to manage his behaviour. They tell me I'm raising a little monster!

I look at other little children with autism sitting with their mothers, reading books, learning new things, playing together and I feel so jealous. Sometimes I hate my life. I just want to disappear. I feel like I don’t deserve to be his mother because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or not do around him. It feels like even my talking, breathing, or simply existing near him can disturb him. I have a lot of books, going as low demand as possible but nothing seems to work as I'm not even allowed to TALK aroumd him. I'm not allowed to cry or get angry because he immediately tells me "fix your face now. Stop crying" Every single day feels like I’m walking on eggshells.

I love my child more than anything but I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, and heartbroken. I miss feeling like his mother instead of feeling like I’m just his caregiver, constantly trying to keep him regulated and prevent the next meltdown. I have autism and ADHD myself and also an autoimmune disease and I can't do this anymore, the PDA part is killing me. ABA therapy makes things worse.

He is my only child. I can't have more children due to my autoimmune disease. I just wanted to be a mom, you know.

Hey,

I need actual help with my son bc I have no fkg clue how to go about this anymore.

And if you’re going to comment ‘’ your child needs you to be regulated in order for him to be regulated ‘’ please move tf along bc we are past this point thank you.

I have seen the pediatrist, the psycho educator, therapist for my 9 year old autistic / adhd son with strong avoidant and opposition tendencies. (Pda profile)

I have him with me during the summer and it’s been HARD,

I thought it would get better with school being over but it’s not.

He is constantly mad for absolutely nothing (literally) he has started insulting me when expressing frustration which is all the time and I am starting to really struggle with being insulted all day (i have NO idea where he has found those words from)

He never wants to shower, never wants to brush his teeth, never wants to do anything he has to do.

He is very aggressive, irritated, on edge and just overall seems miserable.

He is sleeping enough, and eating well.

I have SO much guilt seeing him cry and have meltdowns and navigating it all alone and just i’m just so over it bc I know regardless of what I do it’s not going to do anything.

I can’t approach him during meltdowns he just gets worse and throws and hits and insults me.

He isn’t half as bad with my boyfriend when they are alone,

It always worse with me,

I can see he is profoundly disregulated but i seriously don’t have the bandwidth for this anymore, it’s from morning to night,

Yes we do have a routine, yes screen is limited, yes he moves his body we go outside every day we play board games, he reads,

I feel like all the basics are covered and i just feel completely alone and overwhelmed by this bc all the professionals just tell me ‘’ it will pass ‘’.

Can you please give me some input or help me pin point by asking me questions ?

We have been exploring the possibility of a big structural change for our family to a more affordable area - we live in Seattle, WA, USA currently. My wife just lost her job and is the primary breadwinner so there’s not anything tying us down here. We switch hit as our 8.5 year old son requires 24/7 support from one of us so I take the day shift and she co-sleeps with him at night. We unschool and that will likely be the continued path for the foreseeable future. I am a private practice mental health therapist and work virtually so can continue doing this wherever we land (my license is tied to my client’s location and not mine). We have noticed a pretty dramatic seasonal challenge for our family and are looking at various locations that would allow us to be outside for most of the year, perhaps even access to a pool or larger yard. The winters here are mild (not much in the way of snow really), but so dark and damp, and relentless and I am definitely a sun lover. Our son also seems to re-emerge from an indoor hibernation every spring. Has anyone else made a leap like this? If so, how did it go and what did you learn? Our aim would be to try some locations out and make a more gradual transition - only with full buy in from our son. Appreciate any feedback and appreciate this community so much!