Reassurance seeking—the tendency to repeatedly ask others for confirmation, validation, or certainty about our thoughts, feelings, relationships, or fears. While a minor dose of reassurance is completely normal in human relationships, excessive reassurance seeking (ERS) can quietly transform into a trap, maintaining anxiety and straining the very connections we value most. Learn more
In today’s stressful environment, resilience stems from psychological flexibility—the ability to accept difficult emotions and stay aligned with personal values. Research highlights its critical role in enhancing mental health, boosting academic success, and fostering overall well-being. By cultivating this skill, individuals can navigate life’s challenges while thriving rather than just surviving. learn more
Conditioning is the way in which the external environment shapes behavior through learning.
Classical conditioning is the pairing of a neutral stimulus with one that triggers a reaction (Pavlov’s dogs salivating at the sound of a bell).
Operant conditioning is the reinforcement or punishment of a behavior (a reward following an action increases its likelihood; a punishment decreases it; Skinner’s key insight).
Skinner: Is free will an illusion?
B. F. Skinner argued that free choice is in fact behavior that has been reinforced and punished, and thus controlled by, external events.
Your likes and dislikes, the habits you have formed, and the associations you make are all products of the conditioning you have undergone.
So too is your sense of “free choice” over these things, your feeling that you could have made other decisions, a conditioned response.
According to Skinner, “free will” as an entity controlling behavior is an illusion; there must instead be a search for causes preceding the actions performed.
Awareness as a possible escape from conditioning
Some (notably philosophers and spiritual teachers) argue that while we may be controlled by conditioning, we can become aware of this conditioning and thus exercise control over it.
By becoming aware of our conditioning, we can recognize when we are about to act out old patterns, and instead respond more consciously to the triggers that would have otherwise caused automatic reactions.
In this way, we can achieve a different kind of freedom, one that is not completely uncaused, but not “willed” in the earlier, more constrained sense either.
The security-seeking trap
A prominent Indian philosopher Acharya Prashant argues that human beings are largely like machines in the way that they habitually respond to words and events with fixed reactions.
People are constantly seeking security, certainty, feeling safe in who they are and how they act, but the world itself is unpredictable, and so our attempts to achieve this internal security often lead to conflict.
He describes two ways in which a person might approach life:
Living from the conditioned responses of the ego, one is forever seeking to defend and prove a conception of oneself (“I AM SMART/NOT SMART ENOUGH/I HAVE BEEN WRONGED”) and one’s worldview, and reacting habitually to perceived slights and dangers.
Living from awareness allows one to see conditioning for what it is and thus free oneself from it, responding more consciously rather than from habitual fear or anger.
Conditioning that forms valuable skills (musical ability, physical skill, intellectual habits) is obviously desirable.
However, conditioning that forms attachments and defenses around a particular self-view only brings insecurity and suffering.
I would really like you to share your perspectives to broaden my view!