r/Ronance_ST

So, here is the context. I (18F) have a best friend who we'll call S (20M). Me and S have been best friends since last year when we started working together in summer and started hanging out with him and two of his friends.

One time in that summer, we got very drugged (it's a very complicated story) and ended up throwing up in a bathroom. Then, I asked S if he had ever fallen in love, and he said yes, that he fell in love with his ex, who we'll call N (19F), but that they broke up and he doesn't love her anymore, because he had found another girl for him.

Then he started describing this girl, who was exactly like me, because, well, the girl was me.

That forced me to come out to him as a lesbian, because I truly love him, and didn't want to hurt his feelings. At first he was surprised, but he took it very well and we've been like platonic soulmates since then, and we now work at a movie rental shop together.

However, this year, i have noticed that S might be starting to like N again, despite the fact that N has a boyfriend, who we'll call J (19M), even tho J lives in another state.

I didn't want him to get feelings for N again because I knew it wouldn't work out and that it was hurting him, so when some weird things started happening in our town and N had an idea to find clues in the library, I went with her instead of S, who got stuck with our younger friends.

Over the next few days, we started hanging out a lot more, and I started feeling so nervous around her, but also wanted to be around her, and it was a matter of time until i realized:

I was in love with N.

Whenever S would talk about her, she seemed like this rude, bossy, cold girl, but she is nothing like that. Not at all.

And there is also the fact that a new guy joined our group, we'll call him E (20M), and him and S have a lot of chemistry and i seriously thought they were dating, but when i talked to S about it, he said that how could I think he was a queer and that he liked N. (But i do know a guy who is clearly queer and in love with his best friend, and he reacted the same way so...)

I haven't confessed to N yet, because i'm not sure if she likes girls and she is still dating J, and i would love to date her, but i don't want to hurt S

AITA for feeling this way?