TW!
(I DO NOT CONDONE SELF HARM)
Wrote this in hopes that somebody out there who is experiencing/experienced self sacrificing, shame, guilt, internal conflict ect.. sees it and knows they’re not alone and it’s more common than you think 🫶🏻
& it’s time to forgive yourself!
He creates fake media passes to gain entry to places where he is otherwise not invited or welcome.
He learned intimidation tactics by hanging out with gangs on the west side of Chicago.
He somehow scaled a fence that was over 8 feet tall and equipped with barbed wire to gain access to my apartment door in 2016.
If he adds you to "his list" of people he seeks vengeance against, he will employ subversive online stalking tactics. He'll sign you up for boner pill emails, put your number into known scam sites.
He despises gay people, potentially because he is a closeted about being attracted to men.
Halloween in 2022, he insisted we go to West Hollywood - despite HATING gay people. (He hates a lot of different people). I woke up the next afternoon - fully clothed with shoes and all - covered in my own bodily fluids - excrement, vomit, blood, and urine - in the bathtub. His response when he returned? Something like "Oh, you're awake?" or "oh, you woke up." Then proceeded to berate me for vomitting in the back seat and down the side of the car, after apparently trying to run away from him the night of. In March 2023, when I directly told him I believed I was poisoned that weekend - he agreed.
He poisoned me on our first date in 2014. He later told me that I was "running away from him" and incoherently stumbling to different bars, trying to talk to different bartenders. I believe I was trying to get someone to help me. As I write this, I realize he may have been getting some sick satisfaction - just a conjecture.
After ghosting him in 2014, he popped up in Facebook suggestions in 2015. I still didn't really talk to him.
In 2016, he randomly texted me "hola senorita" when my boss and I were at a Mexican restaurant, about to take a tequila shot. My first instinct was that he was somewhere close, watching us.
He physically abused me for years.
He is financially abusive.
He is verbally abusive.
Two men affiliated with women he either worked with or dated died quietly in their sleep.
His ex girlfriend, Autumn Cargile, died in an apparent suicide on his birthday - or the day after - in maybe 2014. There is an active LinkedIn page for her still. Her ex boyfriend, Mario, died a few months before Autumn. When cyprian first told me (in 2016) of the deaths, he told me Mario shot him self in the head with an AK47, saying Mario called Autumn right before doing it. In 2024, I found Mario's obituary that said he died quietly in his sleep.
He might have been my uber driver at least once in Chicago when we weren't seeing each other.
When I left him in 2019, he somehow later figured out where I lived and where I worked. January 2020 he sent flowers to my job.
He randomly showed up at my apartment to "help me out" and gave me $500. This was maybe sometime between April and June 2020.
I worked for his marketing agency for years, never getting paid. He would promise to pay me, then use the promise of money as leverage.
In 2024, he called me 65 times in an hour while refusing to leave from the front gate of my apartment.
He threatened me, my clients, my jobs, and my dog.
I have reason to believe he has methods of tracking me.
Most recently, I discovered that he was using my address for insurance. Well, he appeared as a "person living at this address" on Mercury insurance. He never lived at that address.
He's a weak ass loser fuck who has to torment people in sneaky ways because he is a gutless wimp. Really, this could be said for most predators.
He is a predator through and through.
I am still in the process of trying to get a protective order against him.
A miscarriage of the pregnancy resulted in me having to go to the ER.
I believe he was/is targeting financially vulnerable women.
After a lack of honesty in a previous relationship, I was probably overly honest with him. I told him about being a survivor of abuse as a child, as well as the abusive adult relationship I survived. I believe he saw me as an easy target.
He told me he is jealous of Elon Musk and Donald Trump for having so many kids.
He said he wants to do this with multiple women, to have A LOT of kids, specifically noting trying to stay out of trouble.
He seems very kind at first. It is only after he repeatedly crosses boundaries that his character comes out.
I have been unsuccessful at getting legal counsel, even dissuaded by attorneys from taking legal action against him.
He led me to believe he would invest in a dog food company. Investment never materialized, even though he didn't want me to seek outside investment.
He told me his wife and two children are not allowed to leave the house, due to his wife's complications with long covid. He and his live-in girlfriend are allowed to leave the house.
He keeps a separate, minimally furnished home for the purposes of meeting women for sex, I believe.
January of 2019 I was 14 years old, I met a 22 year old man online. I was amazed by his personality and how he seemed so interested in me, he appeared to like me in a way no one had ever liked me before, and as a teenager, that was confusing. I didn’t know what was right or wrong, at the end of the day, it was the first time someone ever showed attention to me, but he wasn’t only interested in my personality, or “funny conversations” like he’d call our normal talking, he was interested in my body.
One day, I was at a birthday party, he called me and we spoke for a few minutes, I told him I was in love with him, and he said in other for him to know I was, I had to show him my vagina. I had never shown anyone that part of my body, so I refused, but of course, I wanted this adult man that I liked, to know how I felt about him. I didn’t know any better.
This continued for the better part of a year, I was 15 at this point, our dynamic consisted of him not talking to me after getting what he wanted, asking for more and more after he wanted me again, and me complying because I wanted to feel the “love” he had to offer me, and according to him, that was the only way. He told me how to m4sturb4te after I told him I had never done that before, and he insisted to see it, so many times.
He wanted pictures of my feet, videos of my naked body, anything he wanted in exchange for our “funny videos”. I am an adult married woman now, and I can’t imagine what I would even speak to a 14 year old about, the age gap is too big for our brains to ever be on the same level, specially in a sexu4l relationship, 14, 22.
I was left to deal with the emotional, mental, and even physical problems I have developed due to the pain I endured during 2019, and the lack of support from the system that was supposed to protect me. And this man, BD, also known as CB, is now someone that continues his life in a famous culinary show, with no pain in his heart, no sexual trauma of his own, not years of therapy to understand what happened and try to convince himself it wasn’t his fault and more importantly, not a single consequence, not a single truthful apology to any of his victims, I know it wasn’t just me.
The impact of my experience didn't disappear just because a legal clock ran out. I am sharing this anonymously now because keeping it hidden feels like carrying a weight that doesn't belong to me. I have the proof of what occurred, but my goal isn't public exposure or retaliation, it is simply to speak the truth, reclaim my narrative, and fully move forward with my life. To anyone else quietly carrying the aftermath of an experience like this: you are not alone, and your story matters. And I encourage all schools to background check and interview all the personnel you have working there, also the ones that host and are culinary judges. He’s working with minors at a school. This is unacceptable.
I am not requesting or encouraging any action to be taken against individuals involved. I am not asking for anything other than someone to believe me, for the purpose of closure and an accurate record of my experience, and if God is on my side, a sincere heartfelt apology for me to finally close this chapter so I can move on.
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I've been with my fiancé for almost ten years now. We have had several conversations over the years about how I don't have as high of a sex drive that he does. Several fights about him not respecting when I say no. I thought we were past it. He doesn't even respect me enough to touch me in ways that don't hurt me.
About a month ago I wound up with a UTI because of him, that spread to my kidneys, and I was miserable for a couple of weeks in pain.
I started feeling better last week, so this past weekend he decided was his time to get laid again. I was okay with once on Saturday. On Sunday morning he tried to initiate, and I told him no, I'm sore, and I need a break.
Later in the afternoon I was falling asleep on the couch so he suggested taking a nap. Well, he wasn't actually intending on letting me nap. As soon as I laid down he was pulling down my shorts.
I feel disgusted in myself. I'm still cramping. My back hurts, my legs are sore.
I didn't fully realize until last night that he's been abusing me. And I'm so ashamed.
Does anyone have any advice for bringing this up and having a conversation about how I cannot forgive this anymore? Or just anyone I could talk to about it..