Previously posted a single track version but I thought I'd try getting it a bit closer to how I actually envisage it. Apologies for the guitar solo if you make it to the half way point - you'll see I'm not a lead guitarist...
It's had many drafts and started off as just a verse, but here's the finished thing for you guys!! Looking for constructive feedback
[Verse 1]
Last night was the first time
You said nothing back, should I be worried?
Is this the very first sign?
You're so, down bad for me
Is that why you are out drinking at parties?
And probably about to leave
[Chorus]
Maybe it's a joy ache
That rush, it's sinking away
I stare at the ceiling in mental irrepair
Knowing you will never really care
Maybe it's a glitter bruise
That will never see us through
I draw hearts round your silhouette
Knowing you will never care
[Verse 2]
Last night was the first time
You were drunk on voicemail, sober thoughts spilling out
Another goddamn sign?
You tell me, you're so in love
Yet when I need you most, I'm always shut down
To people please, am I not enough?
[Chorus]
Maybe it's a joy ache
That rush, it's sinking away
I stare at the ceiling in mental irrepair
Knowing you will never really care
Maybe it's a glitter bruise
That will never see us through
I draw hearts round your silhouette
Knowing damn well you will never care
You will never care
[Outro]
Cynical, hearts out of synch
Whimsical, our love was for the bit
If keeping you means crying over nothing (oh)
Then I must let it slip out my hands (but it's hard)
Hey r/MusicIMade, I help run Red Devil Radio, a small independent internet radio station: https://reddevilradio.com
I’m looking for independent artists who have one finished original track they’re proud of. If you own/control the rights and want it considered for station rotation, send the one song you’d want a new listener to hear first:
No pay-to-play and no rights grab. New artist accounts get starting submission credits, so I’m not asking anyone here to pay to send one track. Artists keep ownership; I just listen through submissions and add the ones that feel like a good fit for the station.
Spotify links help with metadata, but the form also needs an upload or authorized public audio source so I can actually review and play it.
Happy to answer questions here.
This is a song I wrote last week. Curious to know what your take on it would be. So this post is a feedback request.
About the song; I'd been meaning for a while to write a song without a chorus, but with a refrain on the last line of each verse. And I had this nice chord progression and melody in my backlog of unfinished ideas (four phrases, minor key, ending on iv so it wants to resolve back to i) Then one day, while driving to work, it hit me what I should use as the refrain. Additional lyrical inspiration come from the movie How To Get Ahead In Advertising.
(About the video; this is nothing too specific, just some stock footage clips that accompany the music, because why not?)
Lyrics:
MINT CONDITION
Found a knot, back of the collar
Stood all day at the counter
Home at six, don't mention it to her
it was nothing, nothing at all
Two weeks on, still where I left it
Hear a voice. Long day, probably.
“Hey there handsome, did you miss me?”
This should be nothing. Nothing at all
This can’t be nothing. Nothing at all
On the train, crammed to the windows
Forehead pressed to the cold glass
“This is it. This is your whole life.
Sure aint nothing. Nothing at all.
It aint nothing. Nothing at all."
Electric hum, cracked bathroom mirror
Bolt the door, so no one sees
take the knife and check my reflection
What’s the worst that could happen to me
What’s the worst that could happen to me
Still go in, same as I always
Steady work. Could be worse, too.
“Never became a thing, or now did you?”
Don't worry 'bout it, it was nothing at all
Don't worry 'bout it, it was nothing at all
Looking back it took nothing at all
Looking back it took nothing at all
No idea about this one, it's a character portrait I suppose, maybe a bit out there. It's a very rough demo, just wondering how it comes across as a song really.
This is a new song that I wrote(titled “GFY”). I’m proud of the lyrics, now I just need to put music to. It’s meant to have an upbeat tempo with some pop-funk(almost nu-disco??) style. I’m just not sure how I should build the chord progression. My vocals range from Gmaj to Cmaj. Anyone familiar with this style would be greatly appreciated for your input.
Thanks!
"If loving you were illegal, I'd never spend a day in jail, cause I'd never get caught"
Make art every day. Finish you creations. Be human. Be crazy. Be yourself.
Support humans with guitars.
It's quite nice to do a lighter song for a change, it's just from an involuntary intake of breath when I visited my hometown at the weekend. Slightly worried it comes across a bit jumpers-for-goalposts though - what do you think?
Feedback "Unpacking the
I want to share a deeply personal lyric I've been working on. I've done some trimming and reworking. It hits on emotional baggage, a journey of overthinking and learning to let go. Though a personal journey I am ready for straight up feedback. Ultimately, hoping to find a composer, musician or producer who connects with the lyrics and would like to collaborate in putting it to real music and bringing it to life.
Unpacking the Past
{Verse 1}
Everywhere I've gone, everywhere I've run
So much unpacking to be done.
Can't escape these boxes, carefully and carelessly packed. Many weathered and cracked.
Memories needed and needless all the same
Hidden under Labels, some worn with no name
{Verse 2}
Boxes labeled regret are heavy, full of shame
Sifting through the wreckage, wondering who to blame.
One of hope and fresh starts, now broken pieces and parts. Pictures of a little girl
Blurry lessons learned too early.
Hazy memories from an empty shot glass
{Bridge}
Are the answers in the ties that bind?
Others left boxes they will never claim.
And that's part of the pain.
Boxes of memories that were sewn
Are they all mine to own?
{Chorus}
I keep unpacking the past
Walking a road hell bound
Chasing answers that may never be found
Can I find freedom at last?
Or am I just unpacking the past?
{Verse 3}
Found answers in a box marked lessons of old.
A story I never told of a heart so cold.
Trying to unpack a lost journey.
Pieces come to mind from time to time.
Are answers to the journey ones I'm meant to find...
{Chorus\\\]
I keep unpacking the past
Walking a road hell bound
Chasing answers that may never be found
Can I find freedom at last?
Or am I just unpacking the past
\\\[Outro\\\]
I keep unpacking the past...
Can I find answers at last?
If I stop unpacking the past...
Will I find freedom at last?
The unpacking has been so slow...
Do i really need to know?
Maybe time to let it go.
Gonna let it go
Just let it go...
Lyrics copyrighted by the author