r/StrongMaleSurvivors

Everyone has different ways of healing from past pain.  Maybe that way would involve diving deep into the situation that caused the pain to clean it up, like rubbing alcohol on a wound.  It will sting for a moment, but it eventually helps prevent any worsening or infection.  This, I assume, is widely done through therapy/counselling.  Others may seek ways to distract from the pain, which can be healthy when done well.  An adage we all know and love says laughter is the best medicine, and that's not wrong in any way!  Finding some positivity to buffer the negativity can help, whether it's pursuing a hobby or helping others with their issues.  These are probably only two ways out of a whole variety of ways to heal.

I would personally suggest finding a passion you’re extremely into.  For me, that was art and writing.  I would make art and write literature such as poetry that conveyed how I felt, or included tidbits of the latest research I did.  If there’s any demand, I’d be overjoyed to share more of my poetry, writing, and/or art projects.  I also love music and am still playing the clarinet and bagpipes, both of which I’ve been playing since middle school.  I’m also trying a bit of piano and bassoon as well.  I’ve been trying to compose songs lately, though I’m still working on writing sheet music down for different instruments’ keys.  I take time for physical activities as well by aiming for ten sets of twenty push-ups daily, going on a golf outing every once in a while, and keeping up with taekwondo.  I also have an exceptionally busy life outside of those hobbies, so I am usually satisfied at the end of the day and much too busy to worry about anything other than the present and immediate future.  Most importantly, I founded this community and will continue working in order for it to keep running.  Each one of you has a special place in my heart, and keeping that to myself is something I know I cannot do.  I had to make sure I could reach out to some of you, even if behind a screen.  However small we are, even one person’s positive feedback means the world to me.  I’m wishing for a bigger, brighter future for us!

I’m sure each of you has your own paths of healing; no two survivors are the same!  I’m anticipating your testimonies and any advice you may have for any of your surviving brothers.  If you had any positive experiences with therapy/counselling, be sure to check out my previous post, where I asked for advice.  I’ve never tried quality therapy/counselling, and am wondering if I should try it out alongside my hobbies to ensure a quality healing experience.  I am especially excited to hear about all the different hobbies each of you enjoy; there are too many to list.  Hobby combos will be especially interesting to know.  Whether you love music, pursue an athletic career, or participate in philanthropy, you’re guaranteed a spot here with us in this community.

Okay, so, this’ll be kind of a hard post for me since I thought I was doing fine, but have been relapsing recently. I thought I had gotten over my experience with domestic violence, but I’ve recently been having a couple flashbacks and even worse — exaggerated hypothetical scenarios that have me much more scared than the flashbacks, which already still stir anxiety. I can’t believe I’ve been so worried that I’ve already planned detailed DV emergency exits of my house and where to run. I definitely remember the emergency exits of my parents’ house, how I’d escape, and where I’d run. Instinct, possibly? I probably went into too much deep detail about this, as I’m not a male survivor myself so not the focus of this community, though I do want my brothers’ opinions on therapy/counselling, and how it went.

I’ve tried telling others, though every time failed miserably. Maybe that was because all my attempts were during my school years and the counsellors had to tell my parents anything concerning such as my strong urge to self-delete. I really loathed the fact that anything I said during a session could be used against either me or my parents and get someone in trouble. I had this fear instilled in me to just take it unless I wanted the police to take me away from my family and put me in foster care or something. I wasn’t always very satisfied at home, though it was certainly tolerable enough for me to prefer home over being taken away (even if for the best/legitimatly for my safety). These failed attempts gave me a resentment for therapy and counselling, and lead me toward other coping strategies. For one, I spent a whole lot of time alone doing things I enjoyed, such as art, music, and writing. I’m still enjoying all my childhood hobbies, though life’s been busy and I don’t have as much time as I used to when I was younger. I also turned to God. I was always devoutly Catholic so in turn, I’d turn to church and confession whenever I desperately needed help. Confession was my source of therapy, and it was the only source I trusted because it was fully free and fully confidential. Priests have this whole seal of confession that they cannot say anything that anyone said during a confession, not even if they were a serial killer and had leaked important information. That seal was highly convincing, so I used confession as my therapy. I also liked it since I was always very convinced that what happened was my fault and so had the opportunity to confess that guilt during confession. I was recently offered to take an actual session, and am now in a huge dilemma. My schedule is tight, and I for sure am not missing crap for a session. I like to get my work done, but my therapist will only be available during times I am not. I may have to miss important things for a session, but don’t want to have to tell anyone it’s because of a therapy session. However, as I relapse and spirl, I know that therapy will do at least a bit of good for me and my mental health, even if I don’t even pay attention to my physical health most of the time either. Sorry this is so long; I guess my point is that I don’t consider therapy important enough to try it out, but also acknowledge I may need it even though I seriously am averse.

What are your experiences? I heard one guy in another male survivor subreddit giving praise and accolades to his counsellor and experience with counselling. I hope I experience that same satisfaction if I choose to do it. Would therapy/counselling be something you consider crucial to healing? Maybe you were like me: thought you had healed, relapsed, then decided whether or not to try it out, which affected your future. I’m confident I’m not alone in this, and I am even more confident that you’ll give me good advice and maybe even a few tips for my first session if I do agree to try it out! Please, feel welcome to post/comment about your experience as well for some reciprocity; I feel a bit out of place for ranting so much about my experience in an androcentric survivor space, a place in which y’alls should feel welcome to rant in. Thanks for the advice in advance, and cheers to a better future!