Psychologist suggestion
TW: Internalized transphobia
I'm a 25-year-old gender-questioning individual. I have been feeling this way for months. I just didn't care because I was, you know, attempting ***** (not because of I'm trans, it was because of mental health issues for a long time; sorry reddit filters keep deleting this). But it's the truth. I have no idea how I made it to 25.
Now this gender identity is confusing. There is a strong feeling that I should transition, but I don't know if I can.
I haven't talked to any professional because of my internalized transphobia. I'm supportive of every single trans individual who has transitioned. But the moment I think about my transition, it feels disgusting; I feel like I would become more ugly; Why can't you live your little useless life like how you were born. These are just half of what my thoughts are. It keeps going on.
It gets to a point that my mind convinced me that I would look bad and detransition and everyone will laugh at me; because I feel like I'm not trans and that I'm doing it for attention.
I know I have to talk to someone. How do I find affordable psychologists online? I'm broke and have low salary.
I'm venting because I'm already a loser. No one believes in me and thinks I'm good for nothing. If I transition and it ends up something that I can't live with, idk what I will do. Also because every trans person I have met online are good at something. Basically, like you all are really great and I feel like I would be the loser trans man who is good at nothing.
TL;DR: Online psychologist suggestion for a gender-questioning individual.