r/Wakingupapp

I've been meditating for a few months, though not consistently. Recently, I had the worst breakup of my life. Hurtful thoughts, assumptions, and memories keep coming up, and they only cause me pain.

What I've been trying to do is fully immerse myself in the present in whatever task or work I am doing by reminding myself, "All I have is now."

I want to know your thoughts on this. Is it escapism? Am I avoiding processing those thoughts and emotions, or is this simply part of living in the present?

I don't have the courage and emotional energy to process those emotions and thoughts. She's getting married (arranged) to someone else because of family pressure, which is why we mutually decided to break up. I've known her since 2022. It's a very complicated situation and completely out of my control.

That said, can you meditators please help me understand whether what I am doing is healthy or not? And I'd really appreciate any perspective on my situation and how to move forward with this pain.

I started meditating earlier this year and was really enjoying the journey of learning/practicing. About a month ago I fell out of daily meditations and shortly thereafter my anxiety/ocd went through the roof.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? I’ve had anxiety my whole life and thought it was under control, so it’s shaken me up a bit.

I came to the realization that my fear of perception runs so deep I have been avoiding friendships and making friends and putting myself out there in all areas of life for almost my entire existence. I was severely bullied by my peers and my family, especially by my mother and other girls until about HS and even through college due to the insecure vibes I give off, so I as woman now avoid women. I don't want to do that anymore. I recently got invited out with a girl group and my head is already spinning and locking down. Its not even that im unconfident, objectively I know I am cool and interesting but I completely lock down around others.

are there any podcasts I can listen to on the app or meditations that have helped you with social anxiety and fear of perception? if one out of the app has strongly helped you, let me know. I can't live like this.

disclaimer: Yes I have tried therapy. CBT for 5 years now. hasn't helped too much but spent the first 3 years revisiting traumas and general anxiety.