I’m really nervous to begin with 😃 because this is the first novel/book I’ve written and actually publish, but would anyone actually try my story and let me know what they think about it? It’s called reincarnated as an OP peasant. Even if you try it for 10 minutes and let me know what flaws they are or if you would recommend it that would help tremendously!
[Complete] [64233] [Fantasy] The Legend of Kali Part 1
I'm looking for a few beta readers for my completed novel, The Legend of Kali – Part 1.
It's an Indian mythological fantasy with elements of dark fantasy, supernatural mystery, adventure, and science fiction.
Length: 64,233 words
Premise:
Abhimanyu Acharya, a teenager from Jodhpur, has grown up surrounded by strange rules and unexplained secrets. When he discovers a mysterious "AVATARA" marking connected to his father's handwriting, he begins uncovering a hidden reality tied to his family, ancient forces, the Kali Yuga, and something far more dangerous.
The story includes Jodhpur, Kuldhara, ancient guardians, hidden pathways, Indian mythology, supernatural forces, and a larger mystery that develops throughout the book.
I'm looking for honest reader feedback, particularly on:
You don't need to be a professional editor. I'm especially interested in genuine reactions from people who regularly read fantasy, mythology, supernatural fiction, or YA.
The manuscript is complete and available as a PDF.
If you're interested, please DM me. I'll send the manuscript and a short feedback questionnaire.
I'm looking for honest criticism, not just positive feedback. If something doesn't work, I'd genuinely like to know.
Fantasy, Indian Mythology, Mythological Fantasy, Dark Fantasy, YA Fantasy, Supernatural, Mystery, Adventure, Science Fantasy, Epic Fantasy, Kali Yuga, Ancient Mysteries, Urban Fantasy, Paranormal
I’ve always found common names boring. That’s why I name my characters names that are rooted in biblical lore or old names that aren’t popular anymore. Or just plain not so common names.
I have characters named Jeremías, Montserrat, Maximiliano, etc.
What kind of names do you give to your characters?
I have some ideas for writing the story which should be revolve around a boy of new age but he is introvert and often feels detached and dealing with the feeling of sanity and insanity because of people I don't want to tell much but I feel if it will be old kind thing and will lean to something kinda philosophical thing but I am confused to write it or not
I wrote a psychological horror novella while studying for my 9th-grade exams. I have no idea if that was a good decision.
I’m Avik, and I recently published my debut novella, The Fifth Shadow.
It’s a YA psychological horror/suspense story about four friends who go camping for Jake’s 18th birthday.
On the way there, their car radio is hijacked by a broadcast warning about people disappearing in the forest—and something that can make itself look like a lifelong member of your friend group.
They laugh it off.
That night, Jake counts the people around the campfire.
There are five.
But everyone is completely convinced there are only four.
And whenever Jake tries to figure out who the fifth person is, his own mind seems to fight back.
The next morning, one of his friends is gone.
The terrifying part?
His other two friends don't remember that person ever existing.
They genuinely believe Jake has lost his mind.
I wrote the entire thing strictly through Jake's first-person POV because I wanted the reader to experience the same uncertainty he does—no outside narrator explaining what's real and what's not.
There are also things I deliberately left unanswered: the mysterious radio broadcast, a terrified forest ranger, a strange whistle, unexplained bruises, and what happened to the missing friend after he encounters the entity.
I wrote it while juggling 9th-grade exams, which probably wasn't the most sensible time to decide, "Yeah, I'll write a horror novel." 😭
But I wanted to try anyway.
For the writers here: what's the most ridiculous circumstance you've ever written a story in?
And if you're into psychological horror, what's scarier to you: a monster you can see, or the possibility that you can't trust your own memories?
The book's name is THE 5TH SHADOW. If yall are Intrested.
I am currently in the process of writing a dystopian book and want to know some things that readers HATE seeing in books so that I don’t do that hehe!! LET ME KNOW PLS :p
Opinion: I'm brainstorming a middle-grade book right now, and I really badly want to do a dual first-person POV. However, I hardly ever see examples of this in the wild. I have two characters, an 11-year-old brother and 13-year-old sister, of which have polar opposite voices, which is why the dual first interests me so much.
What are your thoughts on this?
I’ve been thinking about making a webcomic very loosely based on my own experience of coming out as gay as a teenager.
It’s set in 2008–2009 and follows a 14-year-old boy who starts questioning whether he’s gay or whether what he’s feeling is just a phase. He develops a crush on an openly gay boy in the year above and eventually comes out to his close group of friends, who are completely supportive.
There’s also a subplot involving his crush and another gay boy at school. Everyone believes they’re dating, but they’re actually pretending to be together to protect the older boy’s closeted boyfriend. The protagonist eventually discovers the truth.
The story follows him gradually becoming more comfortable with himself, dealing with an unrequited crush and eventually coming out publicly at school after being teased by classmates.
I’m hoping to make it more of a coming-of-age story about figuring yourself out, rather than focusing entirely on homophobia.
I’m still working out the characters, story structure and art style, so I’d really appreciate some honest opinions:
Does this sound like something you’d read as a webcomic?
Does the 2008–09 setting work?
And does the overall story sound interesting?
Does the subplot feel natural?
It’s based on my own experience, although I’d be fictionalising some of the details.
Hi all,
I‘ve been writing my first novel a while now, and I’ve just began to run into some roadblocks.
Roadblock 1:
I don’t have any friends who are willing to read it—and my family are coming NOWHERE NEAR IT.
Roadblock 2:
Literary agents don’t want it—well, at least the four I’ve applied to didn’t.
Roadblock 3:
It is too long. 60 thousand words over industry standard, and I have no idea how to cut it down without losing the essence of the story.
I am looking for experienced readers willing to read my book and give constructive criticism, along side feedback on what they liked, and which characters they think are best. I am hoping to use this feedback to help me cut it down and bring it to the standard publishing agencies are looking for :).
My book is a YA dystopian sci-fi, set in a world torn apart by war against a near unbeatable alien species. It centres around a young girl training aboard one of humanity’s most prized war ships.
The book explores themes of identity, grief, and the idea that nobody fighting in a war has clean hands. It follows the m/c’s slow realisation that she may be fighting for the wrong side.
The book features few tropes, however one it delves quite deeply into is ‘found family.’
The book is CLEAN YA. There is no smut and only mild implied romance. I would say it is suitable for 14+—although it depends on maturity levels.
TRIGGER WARNINGS:
— Suicidal thoughts and attempts. Consistent themes of depression.
— Gore—not extremely graphic, but graphic enough to disturb and frighten.
— Graphic violence. May affect younger readers.
— Swearing. Use of the W and F word in particular .
These are all I can remember as being bad enough to warrant trigger warnings in the book. I am SO sorry if I have missed any (but I don’t believe I have). I would like to state once again, this book is really intended for audiences aged 14 or over.
Please comment if you are interested, and I can DM you the link. Only looking for around 3-5 readers.
A High School Love Story (series) planning to write these.
- The captain of the basketball team; he has good leadership, high IQ, and EQ. He is somewhat of a good boy; he helps those who are bullied. He is not afraid of the Queen Bee. The Queen Bee is very authoritative. She has her specific spot in the canteen. Everyone is afraid of her except for the basketball team, which makes her anxious.
- There is a new boy in school; he transferred from London. The last time he was in the Philippines was when he was five years old. He has forgotten his culture in the Philippines, and he is too English. He has a problem adjusting. His seatmate, the Bisaya, is very patient with him while every one judge and makes fun of him. However, her accent makes it difficult for him to understand her at times.
- He is from one of the richest families; he is a little bit arrogant. His best friend has a maid that he is smitten with, the Pauper. The Pauper is the maid's daughter; she is the same age as the Pessimist, and they became close even though they always contradict each other. The Pauper is always nervous whenever the Prince is around.
- A girl who is a perfectionist, which makes her grumpy, which makes her scared of making mistakes. She is also a spoiled brat; she is the boss of the Pauper and the best friend of the prince. A boy who accepts failure and challenges for growth; he is not afraid to make mistakes because he knows no one is perfect. He doesn't meddle with fights or arguments in school. He knows how to control his emotions. But one emotion he doesn't know how to handle is falling in love.
I'm looking for a few beta readers for my Novel I'm working on. It's still in early production so I'm looking for some feedback/thoughts on it so far. The story follows , a young woman caught in a world of vampires and witches, and a vampire princess trapped in a marriage she never wanted. When their paths collide, escaping their enemies may be easier than resisting each other.
note* sorry the work count is actually 7200 i forgot a chapter:(
if interested please let me know!
I'm building a Discord community for young writers and I want to meet more people who are working on stories.
So tell me about your book.
What's it called?
What's the genre?
Who's your main character?
How many chapters do you have?
Are you published somewhere already, or is it sitting in your drafts folder collecting dust? 😭
I'm making Ink and Quill Writing Community, a Discord server for writers ages 11–19 to share their work, exchange feedback, brainstorm, talk about characters and just meet other people who understand the weirdness of having an entire fictional universe living in your head.
We're currently a small community, but we're already having actual conversations about our stories and writing styles, and I want to keep growing that.
If you're interested, come join us:
And if you don't want to join, feel free to just tell me about your WIP anyway. I genuinely want to hear about it. I'm a dork. 😭
Hello!
I am an aspiring author and want to include a multitude of characters without implementing harmful stereotypes in my book.
Does anyone have any advice where a young author can ask questions in order to accuratly and respectfully write/represent communities without having to spend money for sensitivity readers? (I am broke lol)
Chapter One
The afternoon sun poured through the tall windows of Rosalind's bedroom, casting a warm glow across the room.
Amara stood beside the bed, holding two dresses against Rosalind as they argued over which one looked better.
"The blue one," Amara said firmly.
Rosalind frowned at her reflection in the mirror. "You said that about the green one five minutes ago."
"Because the green one was better five minutes ago."
Rosalind laughed. "You're impossible."
Amara smiled and held the blue dress against her friend again. Her warm brown eyes moved between Rosalind and the mirror, studying every little detail. A few strands of her brown-golden hair had fallen loose around her face, catching the sunlight whenever she moved.
"You like him, don't you?" Amara asked suddenly.
Rosalind's cheeks turned pink.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You do."
"I don't."
"You absolutely do."
Rosalind finally laughed. "Fine. Maybe I do."
Amara smiled.
Rosalind had been promised to a man chosen by her family, just as many young women in their world were. But unlike most arranged matches, Rosalind actually seemed happy about hers.
"At least you're lucky," Amara said, placing the blue dress back on the bed. "You actually like the man you're supposed to marry."
"I haven't married him yet."
"But you like him."
Rosalind smiled shyly. "Perhaps."
Before Amara could tease her again, a knock came at the door.
A servant appeared.
"Miss Amara, your mother asks that you return home."
Amara turned. "Now?"
"Yes, miss. She said there are visitors waiting, and..." The servant smiled. "She said there is a surprise for you."
"A surprise?"
Amara narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
Rosalind laughed. "You'd better go."
"I'll come back tomorrow."
"You'd better."
Amara said goodbye and made her way home.
By the time she reached the house, she could already hear voices coming from the sitting room.
She stepped inside.
"Amara!"
Eleanor's voice came from the hallway.
Amara looked up and saw her mother standing beside Edwin.
Edwin was her stepfather, a respected man who served the royal household as the King's Steward. His position kept him close to the palace and the royal family, but he was not a member of the nobility himself. He was known as a responsible and kind man, and Amara had always been especially close to him.
And they weren't alone.
Henry stood with them, already preparing to leave, while Clara was beside him.
Henry was Edwin's longtime friend and served the kingdom as a Constable. The two men had known each other for years, and their families had grown close because of their friendship.
"Where have you been?" Eleanor asked. "We've been waiting for you."
"I was at Rosalind's."
Henry smiled. "Always running around with your friends."
Amara smiled politely. "Hello, Henry."
Then she turned toward Clara.
"Clara, it's so nice to see you."
Clara smiled warmly and took Amara's hands.
"My goodness, you're as beautiful as ever."
Amara laughed softly. "It's good to see you too."
The families had known one another for years. Henry and Edwin were close friends, and Clara had known Amara since she was little.
After a few more minutes of conversation, Henry and Clara finally said their goodbyes and left.
Amara watched them disappear through the doorway before turning back toward her parents.
"Okay," she said. "Where is my surprise?"
Eleanor exchanged a glance with Edwin.
That immediately made Amara suspicious.
"What?"
"Come sit down," Edwin said.
Amara followed them into the sitting room and sat on the sofa between them.
Edwin looked at her for a moment before smiling.
"You are twenty-two now."
Amara raised an eyebrow.
"Yes?"
"And your mother and I are getting older."
Eleanor sighed dramatically. "Very old."
Amara laughed. "You're not old."
"That's what children always say."
"You're making this sound very serious."
Edwin smiled.
"You are our only daughter, Amara. And we've been thinking about your future."
Amara's smile slowly faded.
Her father continued.
"We've decided that perhaps it is time for you to consider marriage."
She stared at him.
"Marriage?"
Eleanor reached for her hand.
"Only if you're comfortable with it. We aren't forcing you."
Amara blinked, still trying to process what she'd just heard.
"You didn't tell me anything."
"We know," Edwin said. "We wanted to speak to you first."
Amara looked between them.
"Who?"
Edwin smiled.
"Adrian."
Her eyebrows lifted.
"Adrian?"
"Henry's son."
Amara sat back against the sofa.
"I know Adrian. We knew each other when we were younger, but... I've barely seen him in years."
"That's true," Eleanor said. "But you know the family. They're respectable people, and Henry has been a friend of mine for many years."
Edwin nodded.
"Adrian has built a successful life for himself as well. He works in Canada and has a successful business there."
Amara listened quietly.
"And..." Eleanor added with a small smile, "he is a very handsome young man."
Amara couldn't help laughing.
"Mother."
"What? It's true."
Edwin chuckled.
"More importantly, Adrian himself was the one who brought up the idea. He has apparently liked you for some time."
Amara's smile disappeared.
"Adrian?"
Her father nodded.
"Yes."
She looked down at her hands.
The idea had come completely out of nowhere.
She had never imagined that Adrian—someone she barely knew anymore—might have been thinking about her all this time.
"We're not asking you to answer tonight," Edwin said gently. "Take some time. Think about it."
Amara looked at her father.
For the first time that afternoon, she didn't know what to say.
She had gone to Rosalind's house to help her choose a dress for the man she actually liked.
And now she had returned home to discover that her own future had already begun taking shape without her knowing it.
The next morning, sunlight streamed through the curtains of Amara's bedroom, filling the room with a warm golden glow.
She slowly opened her eyes and looked toward the window.
It was a beautiful morning.
For a few moments, she simply lay there, staring outside and thinking about everything that had happened the day before.
Marriage.
The word still felt strange.
Before she could think any further, there was a knock at the door.
"Come in."
Her maid stepped inside.
"Good morning, Miss Amara."
"Good morning."
The maid hesitated for a moment.
"Adrian is here."
Amara sat upright.
"Adrian?"
"Yes, miss. He's waiting downstairs."
"He's here right now?"
The maid nodded.
Amara looked at herself.
She was still in her nightclothes.
"Oh."
She quickly got out of bed.
"How long has he been here?"
"Not very long."
"Then I need to get ready."
She walked toward her wardrobe, opened it, and stared.
There were dresses everywhere.
And suddenly, she had absolutely no idea what to wear.
"Which one?"
The maid smiled.
"Perhaps the cream one?"
Amara pulled it out, held it against herself, and shook her head.
"No. Too formal."
She reached for another.
"Maybe this?"
The maid nodded.
"That would be lovely."
Amara looked at herself in the mirror.
"Fine. That one."
She hurried to get ready.
She dressed herself in the outfit she had chosen, fixed her brown-golden hair, and added a few simple accessories. She didn't want to look as though she had spent an hour preparing for him.
Although she had.
Finally, she took one last look at herself in the mirror.
Then she headed downstairs.
As she reached the staircase, Adrian looked up.
For a moment, he said nothing.
Amara descended slowly, one hand resting lightly on the railing.
Adrian's eyes followed her.
She looked different from the girl he remembered.
More graceful.
More confident.
And, to him, far more beautiful.
"Hi, Adrian."
He smiled.
"Amara."
She reached the bottom of the stairs.
"It's been a long time."
"It has."
"I don't think we've seen each other properly in years."
"You're right."
He looked at her for another moment before smiling.
"You've become more beautiful than I remembered."
Amara laughed softly.
"That's a very direct thing to say."
"I thought it was better than pretending I didn't notice."
She smiled.
They began walking together through the sitting room.
For a moment, neither of them mentioned the conversation from yesterday.
Instead, Adrian asked, "So, what do you do these days?"
Amara looked at him.
"I design clothes."
"Really?"
She nodded.
"I've always loved fashion. I draw designs, make dresses, and create different styles for myself. Most of what I wear, I've designed myself."
Adrian looked at her dress.
"Then that explains it."
"What?"
"Your dress."
He smiled.
"It's beautiful. I suppose I should have guessed."
Amara looked down at what she was wearing.
"I actually made this one myself."
Adrian looked at her again.
"Then it's even more beautiful."
She smiled.
"Thank you."
"I can see that you're very talented."
Amara's smile grew.
She had expected the morning to be uncomfortable.
Instead, it was surprisingly easy.
They continued walking through the gardens, talking about her designs, books she liked to read, and the places Adrian had visited while living in Canada.
He was charming.
He was successful.
He was polite.
And, admittedly, very handsome.
Amara found herself wondering why she had been so nervous about meeting him.
There was nothing obviously wrong with him.
If anything, he seemed like exactly the kind of man her father would consider perfect.
And perhaps that was what made the situation so confusing.
Because for the first time, Amara began to wonder whether marrying Adrian might not be such a terrible idea after all.
Across the kingdom, inside the royal palace, King William sat at the head of a long table surrounded by his most trusted officials.
Among them was Edwin, the King's Steward, along with several other members of the royal council.
The meeting had already been underway for some time when the King finally leaned back in his chair.
"There is something else I wish to discuss."
The room fell quiet.
"Prince Alaric is returning tomorrow."
A few of the officials exchanged glances.
Edwin smiled faintly.
"It has been a long time since His Highness has been home."
"Far too long," King William replied.
He sighed.
"My son has spent years traveling from one country to another, studying music, playing the piano, and pursuing everything except the responsibilities waiting for him here."
One of the officials smiled carefully.
"His Highness has always been passionate about music, Your Majesty."
"I know."
The King shook his head, though there was a hint of affection in his expression.
"And I have never asked him to give it up. But he is no longer a boy. He is the heir to this kingdom."
He looked around the table.
"One day, he will sit where I am sitting."
The room grew quieter.
"He needs to begin thinking about his future. About the kingdom. About his responsibilities."
Edwin listened carefully.
King William continued.
"And there is another matter."
He folded his hands on the table.
"I believe it is time for Alaric to marry."
A few officials nodded.
"Your Majesty, I agree."
"He should have been considering marriage years ago."
"He will need a suitable bride."
King William smiled slightly.
"Exactly."
He rose from his chair and walked toward the tall windows overlooking the palace gardens.
"My son is returning tomorrow. I want the kingdom to welcome him properly."
He turned back toward the officials.
"So we will hold a ball."
Edwin's eyebrows lifted slightly.
"A ball?"
"Yes."
King William's expression brightened.
"A grand masked ball. Not only for the return of the Crown Prince, but for the entire kingdom."
He began listing his plans.
"Every important family will be invited. Nobles, officials, ambassadors, and families from neighboring kingdoms. And, of course, the eligible princesses and young women of suitable families."
One of the officials understood immediately.
"You wish to give the Prince an opportunity to meet them."
"Precisely."
King William smiled.
"Perhaps among them, he will find someone he wishes to marry."
Another official chuckled.
"Knowing Prince Alaric, Your Majesty, he may spend the entire evening talking about music."
The King laughed.
"Then perhaps someone will finally manage to distract him from his piano."
The room filled with quiet laughter.
But Edwin remained thoughtful.
He knew Alaric well enough to understand that the young prince was unlikely to choose a bride simply because his father had placed a room full of eligible women in front of him.
Still, he said nothing.
King William returned to his seat.
"Send invitations throughout the kingdom. I want everything prepared by tomorrow evening."
The officials bowed their heads.
"Yes, Your Majesty."
And none of them knew that among all the young women who would arrive at the palace that night, there would be one who had no idea how deeply she was connected to the royal world.
Nor did they know that the prince returning home was about to meet the girl who would change everything.
By the time Amara and Adrian returned from their walk, the sun had risen higher in the sky.
They had spent the morning talking, and to Amara's surprise, she had enjoyed his company.
He was not the boy she remembered from years ago.
He was confident, successful, polite, and thoughtful. There was something reassuring about him.
Perhaps her parents had been right.
Perhaps marrying Adrian would not be so bad after all.
When Adrian eventually said goodbye and left, Amara remained in the sitting room for a while, thinking about their conversation.
She finally found Eleanor sitting nearby.
Eleanor looked up as Amara entered.
"Well?"
Amara smiled faintly.
"Well what?"
"You know exactly what."
Amara sat beside her.
"I spoke with Adrian."
"And?"
She took a breath.
"I think... I would be willing to marry him."
Eleanor's face immediately softened.
"Really?"
Amara nodded.
"I was surprised. I thought it would feel strange, but it didn't. He's kind, successful, and we already know his family."
Eleanor smiled and took her hand.
"Then we'll tell your father when he returns."
Amara nodded.
"Okay."
And just like that, a decision that had seemed so sudden only a day earlier began to feel real.
Later that evening, Edwin returned home from the palace.
As the King's Steward, his duties often kept him there for most of the day. He had spent the afternoon attending to matters of the royal household and preparations surrounding Prince Alaric's return.
The moment he entered the house, Eleanor was waiting for him.
"There you are."
Edwin smiled tiredly.
"Long day?"
"Very."
Eleanor waited until he had settled down before telling him.
"I spoke with Amara."
Edwin looked at her.
"And?"
"She agrees."
For a moment, Edwin simply stared at her.
"She does?"
Eleanor nodded.
"She said she was surprised, but after spending time with Adrian, she thinks marrying him would not be so bad."
A relieved smile appeared on Edwin's face.
"That's all I wanted. I don't want her to marry someone she doesn't want."
"Neither do I."
Edwin leaned back.
"Then we'll speak to Henry."
Eleanor nodded.
"It seems everything is falling into place."
Neither of them noticed the uncertainty that would soon begin growing in Amara's mind.
Because although she had agreed, she had only just met Adrian again after years apart.
The following morning, the palace gates opened to welcome the Crown Prince home.
After years away, Prince Alaric had finally returned to the kingdom.
He stepped through the palace doors dressed in the clothes he had traveled in—a deep charcoal waistcoat embroidered with subtle bronze-gold patterns over an off-white linen shirt. His wavy, sun-kissed golden-blond hair was swept back casually, though a few soft strands had fallen around his face after the long journey.
He had grown taller since the last time many of the palace staff had seen him.
His sharp jawline and prominent cheekbones gave him a more mature appearance, while his calm, distant gaze carried something that seemed different from the boy who had left years ago.
The moment he entered the palace, several maids who had been working nearby looked up.
One of them whispered, "He's even more handsome than I remember."
Another tried to hide a smile.
"Prince Alaric..."
A quiet giggle passed between them.
Alaric noticed.
He glanced toward them with an amused smile.
"Should I be worried?"
The maids immediately lowered their heads and returned to their work.
Alaric laughed softly.
Then a familiar voice came from behind him.
"Alaric."
He turned.
Queen Adeline stood at the entrance of the royal sitting room.
For a moment, neither of them spoke.
Then she walked toward him and embraced her son.
"Look at you."
Alaric smiled.
"It's good to see you too, Mother."
She stepped back and looked him over.
"Where have you been all this time?"
"With friends."
"Friends?"
"In France."
She raised an eyebrow.
"I know you were in France."
Alaric smiled.
"It was peaceful there. I liked it."
"You liked it enough to disappear for years."
He laughed.
"I was beginning to think I might stay there forever."
Adeline's expression immediately changed.
"You are the heir to this kingdom."
"I know."
"Your father has been waiting for you to take your responsibilities seriously."
"I know that too."
"Then why do you speak as though you could simply live somewhere else?"
Alaric's smile faded slightly.
"I don't mean that I want to abandon the kingdom."
He looked toward the tall windows overlooking the gardens.
"I love music, Mother. You know that. Studying it, playing the piano... it isn't something I can simply put aside."
"I know."
"And I know what I am."
He turned back toward her.
"I'm the heir."
His voice was calm.
"And I intend to take my responsibilities seriously."
Adeline studied him.
"Your father will want to hear that himself."
"Then tell him I've returned for good."
She smiled faintly.
"Are you certain?"
Alaric nodded.
"I am."
He paused before adding,
"But I'll need some time."
Adeline sighed, though there was a small smile on her face.
"That sounds more like my son."
Alaric smiled.
"I never said I was going to become King overnight."
From somewhere behind them came another muffled giggle.
Alaric glanced over.
The maids immediately became very interested in their work.
He laughed under his breath.
Adeline shook her head.
"You haven't even been home for an hour."
"And already I'm causing trouble?"
"Apparently."
Alaric smiled.
"Then perhaps I should go before I make things worse."
Adeline laughed softly.
"Go and see your father."
Alaric nodded.
"Of course."
He turned toward the corridor.
After years away, Prince Alaric was finally home.
After speaking with his mother, Alaric returned to his chambers.
The long journey had left him exhausted, and the first thing he wanted was a proper bath.
When he stepped out, his golden hair was still damp, falling in soft, heavy waves around his face. The years away had changed him completely. The softness of his youth had given way to sharper features, a defined jaw, and the confident bearing of a man who had spent years traveling beyond the kingdom.
He stood before the tall mirror for a moment, studying his reflection.
He looked older.
More composed.
And undeniably handsome.
A knock came at the door.
"Your Highness?"
"Come in."
A maid entered carrying his formal clothes and carefully placed them on the dressing table.
Alaric glanced toward the clothes waiting for him.
A dark, finely tailored coat with subtle gold embroidery. An ivory shirt. Polished boots. Every detail had been prepared for his return to court.
"Thank you."
The maid bowed and left.
Alaric dressed, fastening the buttons of his coat before adjusting his cuffs.
He looked at himself in the mirror one final time.
Tonight, he would have to stand before the entire kingdom.
He wasn't entirely sure he was ready for that.
Still, he straightened his shoulders and left his chambers.
He made his way through the palace corridors until he reached the King's study.
He knocked.
"Come in."
Alaric opened the door.
King William looked up from the papers on his desk.
For a moment, father and son simply looked at one another.
Then the King's expression softened.
"Alaric. My son."
"Hello, Father."
William stood.
"It is good to have you home."
"It is good to be home."
The King studied him.
"Now, tell me. Where have you been all these years?"
Alaric smiled.
"With my piano."
William gave him a long look.
"You and that piano."
Alaric laughed.
"You knew what you were sending me away to study."
"I knew you wanted to study music. I did not expect you to nearly forget that you had a kingdom waiting for you."
The smile on Alaric's face faded slightly.
"I haven't forgotten."
"I hope not."
William walked toward the window.
"You are the heir to this kingdom, Alaric. One day, all of this will be yours."
Alaric nodded.
"I know."
"And?"
"And I will take that responsibility seriously."
William looked back at him.
"Good."
Alaric took a breath.
"But I need time."
The King was quiet for a moment.
"I will give you time."
Alaric looked surprised.
"But there is something else we need to discuss."
"What is it?"
William returned to his desk.
"You are no longer a boy."
Alaric raised an eyebrow.
"I had noticed."
William smiled despite himself.
"You will eventually become King. And a King needs more than a crown and a kingdom."
Alaric understood where the conversation was going.
"Father..."
"You need a Queen."
Alaric sighed.
"Marriage?"
"Marriage."
"I haven't thought about it much."
"That is precisely the problem."
William shook his head.
"I am not telling you to marry tomorrow. But you need someone beside you. Someone who understands the responsibilities that will come with your position."
Alaric considered his father's words.
"I suppose I have spent more time thinking about music than marriage."
"I know."
The King smiled.
"Which is why I have arranged something for tonight."
Alaric looked at him suspiciously.
"What have you arranged?"
"A ball."
"A ball?"
"To celebrate your return."
William paused.
"And to introduce you to the kingdom again."
Alaric stared at him.
"You invited people?"
"Important families, nobles, representatives from neighboring kingdoms..."
William smiled.
"And eligible young women."
Alaric let out a quiet laugh.
"So that's what this is."
"Partly."
"Father."
"I am not choosing your wife for you."
William's expression became serious.
"I simply want you to meet people. Talk to them. See what you think. Perhaps you will meet someone you genuinely like."
Alaric looked toward the window.
He had spent years traveling, studying, and living according to his own interests.
Now, suddenly, his father was asking him to think about the future.
Marriage.
A Queen.
A kingdom.
It all seemed very distant.
Still, Alaric smiled.
"All right."
William raised an eyebrow.
"All right?"
"I'll attend your ball."
The King smiled.
"Good."
Alaric turned toward the door.
"Though I make no promises about falling in love with anyone."
William laughed.
"I wouldn't expect you to."
Amara sat by the window in her room, completely absorbed in her book.
The afternoon light had begun to soften, casting golden shadows across the pages. She had barely noticed how much time had passed when a knock came at the door.
"Miss Amara?"
She looked up.
Her maid stepped inside, carrying a large garment bag.
"We have your dress ready for tonight's ball."
Amara blinked.
"The ball?"
The maid smiled.
"Yes, miss. The King's ball."
Amara closed her book.
"What ball?"
Before the maid could answer, another voice came from the doorway.
"Amara."
She turned.
Edwin stood there.
Her father smiled as he entered the room.
"The Prince has returned."
Amara's eyes widened.
"Prince Alaric?"
Edwin nodded.
"His Royal Highness arrived this morning. The King is holding a grand ball tonight to celebrate his return."
Amara stared at him.
"I hadn't heard."
"I know. You've been buried in your books."
She smiled sheepishly.
"And you're invited."
Amara looked toward the garment bag.
"That's what this is?"
"Exactly."
Edwin paused before adding,
"And Adrian will be your escort."
Amara's expression softened.
"Adrian?"
"Yes."
She smiled.
"I'd like that."
Edwin smiled back.
"Then you'd better start getting ready."
After he left, Amara immediately turned toward her maid.
"Show me."
The maid carefully opened the garment bag.
Amara's eyes widened.
The dress was beautiful.
She reached out and touched the fabric, then lifted it from the bag and held it against herself.
"Look at this."
She walked toward the mirror.
For a moment, she simply stood there, holding the dress in front of her and imagining herself wearing it.
The ball suddenly felt much more real.
She would be attending a royal celebration.
She would be there with Adrian.
Her future husband.
The thought made her smile.
She had never imagined herself being excited about an arranged marriage. Yet after meeting Adrian again, everything felt different.
Perhaps this could really work.
Perhaps she could build a life with him.
She looked at herself in the mirror once more.
"I think I like it."
Her maid smiled.
"I thought you would."
The hours passed quickly.
Amara took her time getting ready, carefully choosing every detail. She fixed her brown-golden hair, selected her jewelry, and made sure everything about her appearance felt right.
She wanted to look beautiful tonight.
Not because she needed to impress anyone.
But because she was going to a ball with the man she might soon marry.
By the time evening arrived, the entire house had changed.
Servants moved through the halls preparing for the night. Carriages could already be heard outside, carrying guests toward the palace.
Amara stood before her mirror one final time.
The girl who had spent the afternoon reading a book by her window seemed far away now.
Tonight, she would step into the royal palace.
Tonight, she would see Prince Alaric for the first time.
The carriage finally came to a stop outside the palace.
Adrian stepped out first.
He walked around to Amara's side and opened the carriage door, offering his hand.
"Careful."
Amara smiled and placed her hand in his.
He helped her down gracefully.
For a moment, they stood beneath the bright lights of the palace entrance.
Amara looked toward the enormous doors ahead of them.
Tonight, everything seemed different.
She was wearing a beautiful black gown that shimmered subtly whenever the light touched the fabric. A glittering black mask covered the area around her eyes, leaving the rest of her face visible.
Adrian wore a dark formal suit with a simple mask of his own.
Together, they entered the ballroom.
Amara stopped for a moment.
It was breathtaking.
The enormous hall was filled with hundreds of guests, all dressed in their finest clothes and hidden behind masks.
Gold chandeliers illuminated the room.
Music drifted through the hall.
People laughed, talked, and moved between groups, yet with everyone wearing masks, hardly anyone could be completely certain who they were speaking to.
Amara looked around.
"I don't think I've ever seen this many people in one place."
Adrian smiled.
"Neither have I."
At the far end of the ballroom stood King William.
He raised his glass as the room gradually became quieter.
"Welcome, everyone."
The conversations faded.
"Tonight, we gather not only to celebrate the return of my son, but to welcome him home after years away from the kingdom."
A murmur passed through the crowd.
"Prince Alaric."
Everyone turned toward the grand staircase.
But no one appeared.
King William smiled.
"He will join us shortly. Until then, enjoy the evening."
The music began again.
The ballroom immediately came alive.
Guests began talking, laughing, and dancing.
Amara turned toward Adrian.
"So the prince isn't here yet?"
"Apparently not."
She smiled.
"Perhaps he's making a dramatic entrance."
Adrian laughed.
"Perhaps."
For a while, they simply enjoyed themselves.
They talked about the palace, the decorations, and the people around them. Amara found herself relaxing more and more.
She was happy.
She was here with Adrian.
Everything seemed to be falling into place.
Then a woman's voice came from behind them.
"Adrian?"
Adrian stopped.
Amara noticed immediately.
He turned.
A woman stood before them.
She was tall and elegant, with long blonde hair and striking cat-like eyes visible above her mask. Her dress was unlike anything Amara had seen that evening, and there was something confident about the way she carried herself.
The woman smiled when Adrian turned toward her.
"It's been a long time."
Adrian's expression changed immediately.
The smile disappeared from his face.
"What are you doing here?"
There was no warmth in his voice now. Only surprise, followed by a quiet irritation.
The woman raised an eyebrow.
"That's how you're greeting me?"
Adrian glanced around the ballroom.
"I didn't expect to see you here."
"I came to see you."
She smiled.
"Didn't you miss me?"
Adrian looked uncomfortable.
Amara noticed.
She looked between them.
"Adrian, who is she?"
He turned toward her.
"She's a friend."
"An old friend," the woman added.
Adrian gave her a brief look.
"From Canada."
Amara nodded politely.
"It's nice to meet you."
The woman smiled at her.
"You too."
Then she turned back to Adrian.
"Come with me. I want to talk to you."
Adrian hesitated.
"Now?"
"Yes. Now."
He looked at Amara.
"Wait here. I'll come back."
Amara smiled politely.
"Okay."
Adrian followed the woman through the crowd.
Amara watched them disappear.
At first, she didn't think much of it.
She took another sip of her drink and looked around the ballroom.
A few minutes passed.
Then ten.
Then twenty.
Adrian still hadn't returned.
Amara began to feel awkward standing there alone.
Everyone around her seemed to have someone to talk to.
She glanced toward the entrance.
Nothing.
A servant passed by carrying a tray of drinks.
"Would you like one, miss?"
Amara nodded.
"Yes, thank you."
She took a glass and offered him a small smile.
Then she continued waiting.
Thirty minutes.
That was enough.
Amara set her glass down.
"I'm going to find him."
She walked through the ballroom, searching between the groups of masked guests.
She eventually stepped outside through one of the side doors.
The gardens were quieter than the ballroom.
She looked around.
Then she saw them.
Adrian.
And the woman from Canada.
They were standing beneath the soft glow of the palace lights.
Amara slowed.
She was about to call his name.
Then she stopped.
Adrian leaned toward the woman.
And kissed her.
Amara froze.
For several seconds, she simply stared.
She wasn't sure what she was supposed to feel.
She wasn't in love with Adrian.
Not yet.
She had only agreed to marry him yesterday.
But still,
He was supposed to be her future husband.
And he was kissing another woman.
Amara's expression hardened.
"So this is who he is."
The thought came quietly.
She didn't cry.
She didn't feel as though her world had ended.
Instead, she felt embarrassed.
Then angry.
Mostly, she felt foolish for believing that one pleasant morning with him was enough to understand the kind of man he really was.
She took a small step backward.
Neither of them noticed her.
Then, suddenly, the sound of music inside the palace faded.
The crowd began to quiet.
Amara looked toward the ballroom.
King William's voice carried through the open doors.
"Everyone, may I have your attention."
Amara remained where she was.
The King continued.
"Tonight, we celebrate not only the return of a beloved member of our royal family, but the return of the future King of this kingdom."
A murmur of excitement moved through the crowd.
Amara glanced toward Adrian and the woman one last time.
Then she looked back toward the palace.
"After years away from his homeland..."
The crowd erupted into applause.
"...please welcome home the Crown Prince."
Amara's eyes lifted toward the palace doors.
"Prince Alaric."
She couldn't see him from where she stood.
She couldn't get through the crowd.
She didn't even try.
Tonight, she had come to the ball believing she was beginning the first step toward her future with Adrian.
Now she wasn't sure what her future looked like at all.
She turned away from the garden.
She would deal with Adrian later.
For now, she needed to go back inside.
And somewhere beyond the crowd, Prince Alaric had just entered the ballroom for the first time in years.
I'm writing a story where three sisters will be the main characters of my story and have their first-person POVs. First two sisters, I have perfectly crafted their personalities. One is the charismatic, social sister who can charm herself out of any situation but hides behind this charming facade and must learn to be vulnerable with people. Second sister has always felt to be in the shadow of 1st sister...she is very insecure and the only thing she values about herself is her intelligence. She must learn that she has worth just like her sister and that people will like her for who she is– she will learn to become confident.
That leaves us with 3rd sister. The truth is I'm not sure what to do with her. Her storyline is essential for my book and I want three different POVs, but I'm not sure about her personality and internal arc yet. I was thinking she would also be insecure like her 2nd sister, but without the trust in her intelligence, and is too shy to speak up and say what she wants and needs. But I wonder if it's too similar to 2nd sister. Any advice on how I can make her character different enough from the other two sisters?
Hey all! I'm working on a story idea, or perhaps two story ideas, not sure yet. Here's what I've got. Looking for some thoughts and feedback before I jump into writing.
TITLE IDEAS
Option 1: Under the Shadow of the Moon
Option 2: Beneath the Shade of the Moon
PLOT IDEAS
Option 1:
The year is 2030. An IVF baby, now grown, learns of his IVF origins, and begins a desperate search to find his siblings, unsure if they are trapped in time, frozen in some clinic, or living another life hundreds of miles away. Frustration with this new revelation, coupled with the immense struggle of trying to find his siblings, boils over and the man finds himself weighing his own value and considering the means by which he might reunite with his lost siblings.
Option 2:
Obscure year. A technologically advanced near future. A man exploring the possibility of alternate timelines discovers an old book with a photo of another man who looks remarkably like him. Further investigation leads him to conclude the man in the picture doesn't belong in the time he is portrayed. Interest piqued, the man searches for other examples of this, hoping to prove tike travel, dimensonal crossing, or the existence of a multiverse. Finding more, he concludes these people are not from the times, or perhaps timelines, they appear in. Partnering with a team of engineers, they create a device that will allow them to send a probe back in time. The man discovers these people are actually his siblings, lost to time, and he begins a desperate race to bring them home.
Open to any feedback at all! Thanks!
Hi everyone! ☺️
This is my first time actually writing a story, and I’ve been working on a romance/royal story. I’ve written Chapter One and I’d really love to hear what people think. I'd really appreciate constructive feedback on my Chapter One. I'm especially looking for feedback on the pacing, character introductions, dialogue, and whether the opening is engaging enough to make you want to continue reading.
https://www.reddit.com/r/YAwriters/s/tWqxXhSpSh
I’m especially curious about:
This is my first time writing, so please be gentle but honest! 😂