r/blendedfamily

How do people deal with this?
My ex now has his partners father living with them which makes me feel anxious bcs I’ve never met ether of them.

I lean towards anxious but my ex is careless and basically has zero anxiety about anything so he dose not understand my discomfort with it and thinks I’m being crazy.

What precautions do people take in these situations generally?
I spoke to a friend who said her brothers co-parent gets him to do Sarah’s law checks on unknown people staying with her child in his home and he thinks that’s an acceptable safeguarding arrangement.

I just asked about sleeping arrangements said I feel a bit uneasy about this man who is a stranger to me being in the house at night with her. And asked if anyone could theoretically access her room at night and he looked at me like I was crazy and was very offended I think.

What do other people feel about this sort of thing?

For transparency I had bad experiences myself in this area which probably heightens my anxiety so it’s hard for me to know when I’m being irrationally anxious about things. He’s aware of this.

Just want to gather the general consensus on it really

genuinely want unbiased opinions because I don’t want to ask family/friends — I already know they’ll be protective of me and my son, and I want to know if I’m looking at this unfairly.
I’m 29F with an 8-year-old son and have been with my partner (28M) for a little over a year. We recently moved in together, and the transition has already been an adjustment for my son. He went from sleeping with me frequently to sleeping completely separately, and he’s also not allowed to step foot in our bedroom. I’ve respected that boundary, but it’s been a big change for him.
The bigger issue I’m struggling with is my son’s relationship with his father.
My partner made it clear before we moved in that he does not want to hear my son’s father’s voice in our home. So if my son FaceTimes his dad, he has to be in his bedroom with the door closed. If he’s FaceTiming him in the car when we get home, he’s expected to hang up, come inside, go to his room, close the door, and then call him back. My partner also doesn’t like when my son brings his dad up.
I’ve gone along with this, but I’m starting to feel really uncomfortable with it.
I completely understand my partner not wanting a relationship or interaction with my son’s father. But my son is only 8, and that’s still his dad. I’m worried we’re unintentionally making him feel like that part of his life needs to be hidden — almost like his dad’s existence is something “wrong” that has to be kept behind a closed door.
I don’t want my son growing up feeling like he has to divide himself between two separate lives or censor himself in his own home just to keep the adults comfortable.
At the same time, I don’t want to disregard my partner’s feelings or boundaries. I’m genuinely trying to figure out where a reasonable boundary ends and where it starts becoming unfair to my child.
Parents, stepparents, or people who grew up with separated parents — is this reasonable, or would you be concerned about how this could affect an 8-year-old? I’m genuinely open to hearing if I’m looking at it wrong.