
r/dankcrusade

Haha, Flame Cannon go fwoosh (Trench Crusade)
The House of Wisdom and Combat Biologist when the REAL doctor walks in:
I know, is not as worked as the others, but it was a small fun thought that pop up
How bad do you have to fuck up to make two realms that hate each other team up to erase you 😭😭
Nineveh was once the largest city in the known world, the seat of bloodthirsty Assyrian emperors, and a place famed for its wretched wickedness. The city’s doom had been foretold by the Prophet Saints Jonah, Nahum and Zephaniah, who warned that the almighty would, “Stretch out his hand against the north, destroy Assyria, and make Nineveh as dry as the wilderness.”
Many chose to escape this foretold destruction by fleeing west to settle in the ruins of a forgotten city northwest of Aleppo. Foremost among these refugees were dangerously obsessed scholars who had unlocked the mystic tablets of King Solomon and who secretly bore grimoires and cuneiform tablets of dark magic first carved in ancient Mesopotamia. In their arrogance, they saw themselves as the spiritual heirs of the ancient mages of Egypt who had fled before Alexander the Great’s invading hosts – heedless that the very texts they revered were the source of the lord's coming wrath.
With the power of hermetic sorceries, the scholars gradually rebuilt the ruins into a subterranean city they dubbed Nineveh Novus. They wove incantations to conceal their city behind flesh-scouring sandstorms, and yoked demons of the desert to slay any who came near, certain this would protect them from both the wrath of the Almighty and the covetous eyes of kings. Over the following centuries, it appeared they were correct, and vast libraries were built to contain the wealth of knowledge that their communications with higher beings revealed. Many repositories were filled with mystic artifacts captured by the Knights of Solomon, a martial order established to retrieve objects of magical significance by any means necessary and return them to Nineveh Novus.
Arcane powers had kept the sorcerers of the desert hidden for over a millennia, but some dooms are inevitable and inescapable. In their hubristic quest to unlock the power of the divine, the sorcerers had profaned the angelic and the hellish in an affront to both Heaven and Hell, and such insults can never be forgiven. When the end came to Nineveh Novus, it came in a single night of screaming terror in 1272 AD, when the wrath of both kingdoms struck with all the fury unleashed on Sodom, Tyre, and Samaria combined. Nineveh Novus was burned from above and below for seventy-two days, and barely a single soul survived that night of wrath.
Sources: the ruins of nineveh novus lore drop
Roses are red, my butterscotch chips are gone
A bit of misunderstanding
There are many who risk life and sanity by covertly entering this haunted landscape of rusted metal in search of rare materials, weaponry, and fallen relics. Pilgrim cults drawn by the divine diesel fumes roam the necropolis, chanting mechanical hymnals to a bellowing Tank god of iron and gasoline, grinding tracks and shellfire. Even now, the Steel Necropolis is a place of horror, with agonised faces visible beneath the vitrified mud and the lingering death-screams of the slain drifting amid the maze of abandoned hulks.
Sources: steel necropolis lore drop
I don't want to spam but Hellsing Abridged is just the right kind of absurd for Trench Crusade imao
I badly translated the trench crusade timeline, and made these memes
Here is the timelike if you also want to make memes:
1099
Jerusalem was conquered during the first war. The temple is associated with sin. And a fiery door against the world. The plague destroyed Jerusalem.
1101
The competition is held three times a year. However, third government forces forcibly control large parts of Syria.
1102
Antioch is very powerful and is the center of the battle against the forces of hell.
1106
The Cooper was the first aircraft of the 1960s.
1109
The main building has two steel walls that reach to the sky. Kamplani Islam has been active in his sector for many years. The cat Tower of Alasdair returns to prove its worth.
1117
Seventeen eminent sages began to conquer the depths of hell with lies. They are still being held, tortured and kissed.
1165
The old man looked at the mountain horses on Mount Almuda. Despite being under siege for centuries, the temple still stands.
1215-1306
The war between these three religions is very dangerous. He went to church. Activities were added to keep the mother busy. A thousand swords burn
1346-1353
Spolo has a sacred banana. Atherosclerosis, the deadliest disease in human history, affects millions of people. A fierce body war has begun.
1418
The third king, Bayside, creates a new crest for his pet Snow White.
1429
The surviving Jeanne d'Arc rex gives Europe to the rex and steals the Grail from land.
1477
Argos was defeated by the gods and ceased to exist.
1503
Orycetamos fought against Elegius, who was guarding the ship and watching the battle with the saints. Although these metals are expensive to produce, they are still available and used in many media.
1545
This attack can cause severe damage to the tree.
1559
The congo of Vienna agreed to rebuild and support Antioch, and the various religions agreed to make 11 donations to support the city, the first defender of the Christian faith.
1573
After the fall of Byzantium, the Order of the Holy Dragon banned the production of aircraft. Millions of sticks were killed on wales.
1595
The walls of New Antakya were closed.
1666
This event lasted for 6 years. During the war, a new ship, the Gibraltar, was purchased. This conflict was the basis for war with Europe. The battle took place in the Atlantic Ocean.
1670
As soon as the ships docked, the British began building forts.
1703
Jewish troops invaded the city and destroyed the Temple.
1805
During Infinity War, a British battleship commanded by Captain Law was destroyed. Captain Nicholson is dead. He works
1807
Air invited
1866
Scientists from around the world build strange ships with the help of Melbo Stein.
1870
Most of the ships that depart from Gibraltar are commercial. Now there is a big problem.
1872
Laika's forces began to attack. He also said that the budget deficit will continue in Europe.
1894
From the third year, Cain joins the army of Barbas and Haman to kill Pope Elias and the Roman emperor. Real people make mistakes. In the third book, he fought with a great army and conquered Syria and Europe.
1899
The drama begins in a church.
1907
Starting a mobile phone business in the UK.
1910
Battle of Cordoba. The city was destroyed by bloodshed before the Spanish invasion. You will reach heart.
1910
Melchior Geisel of New Antioch published a history of the church.
1914
Today is the day to prepare for a big attack. They are in a dangerous land where Christians and rebels fight to overthrow the government and control the country.
I get it, Aztecs are cool, but can you please shut up for a minute
With Hellsing Abridged being in fashion, had to dust off this little beauty
Summary of my introduction to this franchise.
We call this the 4th Crusade special (Trench Crusade)
"Hey dude, wanna kill heretics with us?"
The Red Brigade is made of volunteers who have lost someone close to them in the battles of the Great War. The unit was founded by St. Ernest, the sole survivor of the second battle of Acre: where he lost his brother Wilhelm to the forces of the Heresiarch Berenguer.
Their skill and cunning on the battlefield caught the attention of the throne of New Antioch and the Red Brigade was recognised as an official unit in the ducal armed forces.
Since those times the Red Brigade has been used as the personal special operations force by the Duke of New Antioch. These driven soldiers undertake the most dangerous missions where unsustainable casualties
would make it impossible to use the regular units.
To join the Red Brigade a soldier has to volunteer, bringing to the recruiting officer a piece of kit tarnished by the blood of fallen comrades as proof of their right to serve as a 'Blood Pledge, as the soldiers of the Brigade are known.
Sources: the red brigade official rules