r/gaybrosover30

I'm in an open relationship, married for over ten years, mid 30's.

My husband has no interest in sex with other guys and he's fine with me doing outside stuff as long as it's safe.

But as we all, know nothing is perfectly safe. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with that remaining risk.

I'm on PREP and still only use condoms for anal. I have all the vaccines. So HIV/anal seems to be basically not a concern.

The thing that actually worries me more is oral!

Since nobody wants to suck a condom, oral means you're not using protection. And it means that I could get gonorrhea, syphilis, or chlamydia - possibly without any symptoms and passing it along to my husband.

I'm mostly concerned about passing it along to my husband. The thought of him having a painful experience or needing to get tested/treated for something I passed along hurts me, even if he says it's OK (I think he prefers to just not think about the details).

(Especially since I've heard that the needles for the treatment injections like for syphilis can be super painful...)

So I've tried telling guys on the apps that I can do everything except oral. But many don't seem interested (or are only looking for oral).

Sooo what do you guys think? Would you hook up if no oral were on the table? Can you understand why I don't want to take on that risk? Any perspective I'm missing here?

(Yes I'm aware of Doxy but prefer to not take it unless really necessary since it makes me feel off, and it's also not very effective against gonorrhea)

As a circumsised guy, ive noticed lots of guys loose interest once they find out. Curious whether others have noticed this too.