r/india

Co-sleeping with parents in India is a trauma we rarely talk about.

This topic almost never gets discussed, especially in Indian families. Co-sleeping is very common because of financial limits, lack of space, or simply because people consider it normal.

Growing up in a typical middle class Indian household, sharing a room or a bed with parents is often a reality due to space. We learn to compromise on personal space early on, but it frequently comes at the cost of emotional boundaries.

I had two experiences that stayed with me. The first happened when I was around 8 to 10 years old, when I accidentally saw my parents nâkëd. Later, during my board exam days when I still used to sleep with them, a similar thing happened. I woke up in the middle of the night because the bed was moving. I was half asleep at first, but then I realized what was happening under the blankets. I did not know how to react. I just lay there and pretended to be asleep until it was over. I never spoke about it to anyone and tried to forget the memory.

A few months ago, something similar happened again. It unexpectedly brought all those childhood memories back.

Yesterday, my young nephew accidentally saw his parents during an intimate moment. He came to me confused and asked questions. I explained it to him in an ageappropriate way. I reassured him that he did not do anything wrong. Handling that conversation made me realize how deeply my own childhood experiences have stayed with me.

I am not blaming parents. Most do not intend to harm their children. They are simply doing what generations before them did. However, I do not think we should normalize children co-sleeping with parents forever without thinking about privacy and emotional well-being. Children may not fully understand what they see, but that does not mean it has no lasting impact.

Has anyone indian had a similar experience? Did it affect you later in life, or were you able to move past it? I believe this conversation is worth having. We do not need to shame parents, but we should encourage healthier boundaries and more privacy for future generations.

LONG POST AHEAD. Before I get decimated here, I want to give some context. I am Indian, but I wasn’t raised here. So while I take immense pride in my ethnicity, culture, and heritage, I don’t take pride in the current state of affairs in India—a place I visit every year and where I’ve spent time across a fair number of major cities. So calling me anti-national or a Pakistan sympathizer will have ZERO effect on someone who has no interest in performative patriotism.

I’m not here to argue or insult anyone. I’m here to have a civilized discussion and genuinely understand other perspectives, even if people disagree with me (You never grow in a room full of people who all think the same)

That said, I have lived (not visited) in several major cities across Southeast Asia, the Middle East, and North America. From that perspective, I honestly don’t think Indian cities are even in the same league. That’s not to say India has nothing to be proud of, we absolutely do. Our digital payments ecosystem, internet penetration, and many aspects of our tech sector are genuinely impressive. But when it comes to BASIC infrastructure—good roads, proper footpaths, well-maintained buildings, clean air, and rivers and lakes that aren’t polluted, we are still far behind. We don’t even have enough investments or development for any sport other than cricket. A country with over a billion people should have easy access to top talent. Yet corruption floods every system in India preventing us from setting ourselves apart on the global stage.

The government deserves a HUGE share of the blame. But ordinary people don’t help either. Even many educated people casually throw garbage on the streets or damage public spaces. We often demand very little from ourselves. I am not religious myself so I’m sorry if this hurts religious sentiments, but to the Hindus here: I understand the Ganges is sacred. If that’s the case, shouldn’t seeing people dump waste into it or defecate in it anger you more than anyone else? If something is sacred, shouldn’t preserving it be one of the highest priorities ?

What frustrates me most is not just the problems themselves, but the reaction whenever they’re pointed out. Instead of asking how we can improve, the conversation almost always becomes, “Look at Pakistan,” or “Look at this one dirty city in China.” Why is our benchmark always someone doing worse instead of someone doing better?

Wouldn’t it be far more productive if we collectively demanded higher standards from our own government? Why would any government (congress or BJP) feel compelled to improve if citizens don’t consistently hold it accountable? What incentive do politicians have to deliver better infrastructure, cleaner cities, or stronger public services if we keep voting without demanding results? And weirdly why is the onus of change on the opposition. This is one of the biggest anomalies I’ve seen in India compared to other countries. Pressure of improvement is on the opposition than the current government.

And why is asking for better so often labelled anti-national? Isn’t wanting your country to improve one of the most patriotic things you can do? Why are we so comfortable defending the status quo instead of challenging it?

Indians are incredibly hardworking. We have a beautiful country, immense talent, and one of the largest educated populations in the world, at least in absolute numbers. Imagine where we could be if we stopped settling for comparisons with countries doing worse and instead aspired to match the best. Imagine what we could achieve if we stopped falling for the distractions and narratives pushed by much of our media and focused on demanding real progress.

One final thing I’ve noticed recently is the alarming number of apparent IT cell accounts on Instagram. Many of them appear to be newly created accounts with little to no followers, yet they’re everywhere in political discussions, aggressively pushing the same narratives. Whether people agree with me or not, I think that’s something worth paying attention to as well.

I grew up in Pune. My grandfather was a milkman and we had buffaloes and cows. My father studied incredibly hard, got into Fergusson College, and eventually built a career in the corporate world. Watching his journey, I worked hard too, earned a degree in computer science engineering, moved abroad, and now I'm doing STEM research.

People often describe Pune as India's "Oxford of the East", a city of education, progressive thinking, and merit. That has certainly been true for many people. But growing up, I also experienced what I can only describe as a quiet undercurrent of casteism that rarely gets talked about.

I went to a school in Erandwane (I'd rather not name it). At a very young age, I experienced discrimination from teachers because of my caste. I'm a Kshatriya, and I was made to feel that I didn't belong among the "intelligent" students because I wasn't from one of the so-called upper castes. I still remember being told, directly or indirectly, that only people from certain castes could attain the highest levels of knowledge.

When you're a child, you don't know enough to question authority. If a teacher says something like that, you don't argue, you believe it. It took me years to realise how damaging those messages were.

As an adult, I understand that favouritism exists everywhere. But I still believe a classroom should be one place where a child's potential isn't judged by the family they were born into. No child chooses their caste.

What has always puzzled me is how people take pride in something they had no role in earning. Your caste isn't an achievement. It's an accident of birth. Even more ironic is how many people ignore the traditional rules associated with their own caste whenever it's convenient, but when it's time to establish social superiority, caste suddenly becomes very important again.

Living abroad has made me realise how much lighter life can feel when people judge you by your work instead of your surname. Here, I'm simply an Indian researcher. My colleagues care about my ideas, my work, and what I contribute not the caste I was born into.

Sometimes I wonder: if I eventually earn a PhD, would there still be people back home who'd see my caste before they see my work?

I'm not claiming this is everyone's experience in Pune, nor am I trying to start a caste war or blame an entire community. This is simply my experience growing up in a city that prides itself on education and rational thinking. For me, there was always a quiet undercurrent of casteism beneath that image.

I'm curious whether others from Pune have experienced something similar, or whether my experience was an exception.

My mom had something happen today that really scared us.

She was standing and laughing normally when she suddenly closed her eyes and lost consciousness. She started to fall, but thankfully my dad caught her before she hit the ground. She regained consciousness within a few seconds, but she has no memory of the actual event.

Afterward, she felt completely normal. No dizziness, no nausea, no confusion. A little later, she mentioned that the right side of the back of her head feels slightly heavy. She doesn't think she hit her head because my dad caught her.

Some additional information:

This has never happened before.

She has high blood pressure and takes Stamlo Beta daily.

She's talking normally, walking normally, and otherwise seems completely fine.

We'll be taking her to the doctor today in the evening...that is the appointment we got today. In the meantime I wanted to ask if anyone has experienced something similar or knows what it could have been. Did it turn out to be a simple faint, a blood pressure issue, a heart rhythm problem, or something else?

I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences.

Hi guys idk if this is the right place to talk about this, I'm f20

Recently had an argument with my family which has resulted in a lot of mental damage on my end

Earlier this week, for some otp which has was to come to my phone didn't come, it was for the benefit of my elder sister and she was in her office

She called me but due to connectivity issues on her end I could not make out what she was saying and instead asked her to text me. I forwarded her all the otp or whatever she required

Then she required another otp which was taking a lot of time to come. Anyways I kept telling her to text me instead and that I could not hear her and I'll send it to her asap

I was also angry because obviously she kept on yelling at me.

Background of my family I have a very good relationship with everyone and am the most loved person. I know that I genuinely brighten my familys mood even when they fight aming themselves which they do a lot.

So back to the story

My dad comes to my room yells at me for not helping out my sister, I told him 3-4 times that I've not received the message and hence can not send the otp to my sister and a few minutes ago I was just complaining to my mom about how my sister is troubling me with the work. Another thing to consider is I was on heavy painkiller at the time which this incident was taking place due to an on and off injury in my shoulder, so I was agitated because I could not rest.

Back to my dad yelling

I told him multiple times yet he didn't believe me, i showed him the previous chats where id sent the otp and told him that another one had not come yet. He took away my phone and I also got angry kept on telling him to trust me

He didn't

Anyways 2 minutes later I come to him to collect my phone and we get into a verbal argument

I told him, that here's the proof I don't have the otp and shi

And after that I finally cracked, I never yell or am harsh but I yelled and started crying called him batameez for treating me this badly

He held my neck from the back and my arms

In his eyes I saw so much anger

I have never seen it

It was like he was choking me but I don't know if it's categorises itself as one

Anyways since then I've not been talking to him or my sister, she left for her city and does not live with us

My mother says I'm being unreasonable and that it's my fault for getting choked or whatever.

My dad said sorry and keeps laughing

Whenever he's close to me i move away and I do not look at him at all

I avoid him at all costs and am somewhat talking to my mother

I'm the kind of person who always hangs out with them all the time

And i hug them both like 50 times a day

So them being like this has really caused a lot of hurt

I don't know how to move forward

I am heavily dependent on them for everything

And i have a lot of health issues

Plus I'm still studying in college

I love my parents so much but I'm so hurt

They treated me with so much love but this was unacceptable

I kept telling them to trust me but they didn't

I genuinely can not move on

I don't feel like talking to anyone

I spent the last 7-8 days crying

How do I move past this?