How do i make sure my mom doesnt baby/over-enable my sister when im gone?
WARNING: contains mention of SH
Hello. Im 17F, older sister to "maria" 10F. Maria was diagnosed with ASD when she was 2 (i was in i think 2nd or 3rd grade).
This probably isnt the most proper subreddit to post to but i need all the help and advice i can get
From what i remember in her papers, her "brain age" or how her mind works at that time was a year younger than her actual age. Its been hard, we're lower middle class. She did do theraphy for about 3 years before we couldnt afford it anymore due to my father losing his job during the pandemic.
As many children with sibling on the spectrum, i was extremely jealous but also enraged by the fact that my mother babies her so much and vlames all of her faults on her autism. That im older and should do all these things such as packing her bag, sorting her laundry, and am constantly being blamed for her behavior because apparently i influence her to do this behavior.
I would like to note that for the past 4 years i have stacked so many school and nonschool extracurriculars so i can escape from every blame that i only am home to sleep, shower, eat breakfast.
Today, just about 15 minutes earlier, i asked my sister to pick up the puppies' poop from their pen. She refused and in this exact sequence; violently shook the outdoor umbrella, refused to move from the door leading to the inside of our house, and trashed the PC setup we use for business on the living room, then ran away.
Before i was tasked to go find her in the scorching 40°C heat , i was told that i shouldve just literally "picked the shit up for her" because i am older.
I would like to note that i am moving for college 5 hours away this saturday. No parent contact allowed and i will be back this december for only a week then again after i complete my degree in 4 years.
Because of this, my mother and grandmother specifically told me to start turning over my tasks to my sister so that she'd get used to or atleast learn to do these things because my parents are at work pretty much 12hours a day on school days and my grandma cant walk anymore.
Anyways, my tasks include washing the dishes in the evening, picking up dog and cat poop in the morning and evening before school, doing the laundry, moping the house bi-weekly, managing our small store after class and taking in our printing business before and after school. I still do the majority of that now because they refuse to let my sister do it, saying that im older and its my responsibility anyways.
My mother has always been quite soft, my sister has cut her hand on purpose before because she wasnt allowed to use her phone while watching the tv. Because of that incident (just about a month ago) my mother has catered to my sisters every command and choice of action
Tldr; my sister lets my sister do whatever. I usually am the one to remind her of house rules. How do i make sure my mother doesnt let my sister do everything(mostly harmful to either self or others) she wants while im at college?