My (F30) boyfri3nd (M32) seeks isolation when he's upset, and its making me cry, how can I deal with it?
My boyfriend is very self reliant, and will not ask for help. I can count on one hand the times he's really opened up to me and leant on me for support, and he can be very closed book with his emotions in general.
When he's really tired, or angry/upset, he seeks isolation, and he finds it VERY hard to communicate this with out being snappy/short with me. I unfortunately have a really hard time not taking this personally/usually end up crying when this happens.
I have asked previously that he tell me when he is having a bad day, rather than just snap at me, and he is getting better at this. I am also getting better at giving him space when he needs it. What I struggle with mostly is he doesn't often tell me why he's feeling low, and has in the past told me later when its something to do with me. I think I'm really struggling with this because I then get anxious whenever he shuts down. Asking him questions usually leads to him getting more annoyed, and so I end up being anxious until he is feeling better/can communicate again which could be the next day. For example tonight, he shut down and I tried to give him space but something is worrying me that I've done something wrong and I struggle with not knowing and not being able to undertsand. Its now bed time, and hes gone to sleep and I'm just laid awake on the verge of tears because I feel like something is wrong.
Do I just have to suck it up and deal with my anxiety instead if putting it on him? Can I ask him to explain what's going on before I leave him alone so I know? I don't want to push him, but i hate crying myself to sleep.