r/sexuality

So, for some context, I have always had mixed feelings with my sexuality. When I was younger, as most people, I believed that I was only into women. As I got older, I discovered my attraction towards men, and when I came out, I came out as pansexual because I had genuine feelings of attraction towards both men and women. As I got a little bit older I had only had sex with one woman and since my early 20s have exclusively had sex with men (as a bottom). However, during that time I have had attractions towards women, but never engaged in anything because I don’t think I’d be able to properly satisfy a woman because I have a small penis. However, I still have physical attractions towards women. But over the last few years, I’ve really only had sex with men and masturbated, thinking about men. I have had crushes on women, but never did anything with that.

So now into the situation, I have become closer with someone that I work with 25 y/o (F) and discovered that I have an attraction towards them. It’s mainly emotional and romantic, however, I’m starting to discover that it is physical as well. And when I say physical, I don’t necessarily just mean penetrative, but I wanna hold her hand. I want to kiss her. I want to touch her. I want to cuddle with her and be close with her physically. And I guess I’m just in a weird place right now because I’m not really sure how to move forward with that or if I should.

We haven’t been super close for a while, however, we do have plans to hang out and get to know each other more. I have told her that I’m gay and we’ve talked about boys before, but I’m starting to understand that I’m not fully gay. Like I’m still gay. I’m still attracted to men and maybe I’m just bisexual, but I haven’t engaged with women like that but once before and I guess I just get a little worried that I won’t satisfy her or I won’t be able to perform because I haven’t engaged with women like that but once. And I’m not really sure how to label these feelings. I’ve always kind of said that I’m fluid or pansexual and I think those terms align with me but also I just don’t know how to put that out into the world and with her because I don’t know if she understands that stuff. And she seems pretty open-minded but I also just don’t know.

So I guess I’m just writing this here to see if there’s other people that understand that perspective and can maybe shed some light on this situation for me. I feel very comfortable around her. I really enjoy talking with her. She’s told me that she feels very comfortable with me and enjoys talking with me as well and we seem to have a bit of a deeper connection than I’ve had with people before and I really like it. I want to explore that and see where that goes, but I’ve never done this with a woman before because in my adult life I’ve just accepted being gay and that that is my role in life. But I also have felt like that has held me back from the fluidity that I also feel inside and I know that sexuality is a spectrum and I know that it can fluctuate throughout life. So I’m just kind of trying to see if anybody can shed some light on this for me and give me advice on how to proceed and what not.

I’m an open book for the most part so if there is any follow up questions/clarifications y’all need please ask and I will answer the best I can. Thanks in advance!

Okay so I (18f) have been friends with T (17m) for about 6 months and we’ve been talking and kinda in a situation ship with for about a month now (I understand that he’s a minor and I’m a legal adult but he’ll turn 18 in December and I’ll turn 19 in October, I don’t think it’s bad is it??) not a whole lot, I’ve expressed the fact that I wanted to wait for marriage for religious reasons and he said that that was totally okay.

For reference, T has been in a couple other relationships and has been intimate with the other girls a lot with one being “sex obsessed”. I on the other hand grew up in a extremely conservative family and basically didn’t learn what sex was until I was 15, I think I have a pretty dirty mind but I’ve never actually done anything- T was my first guy kiss.

We started pretty chill, just like making out and flirting and stuff, but then it started getting heavier and we’d be grinding and dry humping and our shirts would usually come off. I started feeling kinda guilty and gross about this (for religious reasons I think) and talked to him about how I didn’t want to be doing stuff like that until we were actually dating, and even then I almost felt like we’d gone too far for before marriage (for me), I told him that I really liked him but felt like we should go back to just being friends until we started actually dating. He was disappointed and hurt but okay with this, and we went back to being just friends.

But it didn’t stay that way, he kept flirting with me, even when I told him to stop or that that wasn’t very friendly, and eventually i’d break and we’d make out and not fuck but close all over again. And then I’d bring it up again that this bothered me that neither of us were respecting boundaries, and that specifically he kept pushing even though I told him I wanted to be just friends. We repeated this cycle 3 times I think, each time me telling him I wanted to stop and each time we did it again.

It ended up being that at one point T told me he had a biting kink, not really a problem I enjoyed biting him too, however I didn’t enjoy when he’d bite down hard on my inner arms or nipples. It hurt and I told him to stop, several times. He didn’t stop or really seem sorry when I pushed him away.
T also had a thing for leaving hickeys, I told him I was sorry but I didn’t want him doing that at least until we were actually dating because I didn’t want anyone to see. His response was just to leave hickeys on my chest where no one would see (he wasn’t very good at this and they’re pretty high up I had to resort to high collar t shirts for two weeks).
Another time he sent me a reel about picking me up, and I told him that under no circumstances would I ever want him doing that and that I was sorry but please don’t- and he did it anyway next time we hung out.
Another time T had me in missionary (with both of our shorts and underwear on), and he started folding my legs till my knees were up to my ears, I pushed against him and told him to stop because I really didn’t like that position (I felt uncomfortable exposed and fat tbh). He stopped it then but then did it like twice more, each time stopping when I told him to but still doing it again the next time.
Another time I was giving him a handjob and he suggested I suck his d*ck, I debated it and then told him out loud that “well, all of tonight has been too far and a mistake so fuck it whatever” I’ll admit I wasn’t in a great headspace and was probably kinda using this as a way to sh, but I feel like after hearing me say that he should have said something to me about it or asked about it?

I know that like, I also continued hanging out and almost fucking him and stuff and I initiated some of it, but I feel like he started almost all of it and just ignored me when I said I didn’t like stuff or didn’t want to be doing stuff? He didn’t force me to do anything like I wasn’t like raped or anything but I feel like this isn’t okay?
Idk what I’m really asking here I just feel like it’s not normal for me to tell him I don’t like something and not to do something and he do it anyways? But I don’t really know. I also feel like maybe I’m just being overdramatic cause I was also a part of this and I let him do all this and stuff, idk.

Heya there. I’m f18, mtf, total virgin. I have a pretty bad porn addiction, and for a while now that has occasionally included stuff I’m not proud of. Noncon, NTR, stuff like that. I’m positing this after such a thing has happened and I just feel horrible, and really need support and help. I know there’s something wrong with me. I know that I get too worked up when I’m aroused, so I chase higher and higher stimuli, find the most extreme stuff I can. And when I’m done, I just can’t handle the shame I feel. I’m sorry if this post is a bit random or out there but I’m just really distressed right now. Thanks.

i think im a lesbian. ive only been with men, ive been bi for awhile and tried to talk to women with no avail, everytime i have sex i need to think of women to well.. finish. i feel nothing romantic towards men, i get annoyed, irritated disgusted. but i still go back cuz its better to be disgusted than alone, the warmth of someone there is all i need i just need that to sleep. maybe thats my past fucking up my life again but whatever.

i feel bad switching sexualitys left n right going from bi to lesbian. its really confusing. i feel like im lying to people or making it up, like i should've figured this out by now and picked something and stuck with it. but the older i get the more i realise i've spent so much time doing what i thought i was supposed to do, or what was easier, that i don't even know what was genuine attraction and what was loneliness, validation, habit, or just wanting to be wanted. i keep second guessing myself because what if i'm wrong again? what if i hurt people by changing my mind? but pretending i'm certain when i'm not feels just as dishonest.

just seems atm that i crave male validation to feel beutiful to get that dopamine to know im hot, nothing to do with attraction or love. im terrible in that regard but its a curse on me i need to break. end of the day i have no fucking idea what i am or who would love me.

I have this pne guy freind ive known for 8 yrs, i love him i think. i dont think ik what love is. He knows everything abt me,showers me in attention, we both like bdsm and i go to him for everything in my life i text him every day. i dont care abt men but i have this forced attachment to him like hes my last resort. i dont wanna be abanndoned. its so confusing cuz i say this and then i meet him in person im disapointed its not a woman. idk wtf wrong with me.i feel like a liar. Its hard for me to figure out mainly cuz i have sexual attraction to the bdsm aspect of this partner but not the acc partner, so do i want him or just yk the fun part. idk man.