r/silentminds

This might be a little rough around the edges as it's 2 in the morning here. I dont have anendophasia or anything else. But, I do have sleeping problems. And, normally white noice helps, and I... Play some music or audio in my head and fall asleep like that. Suddenly 20 minutes ago, i have had freedom stuck in my head for the last two days, it just stopped. Along with any other inside voice, idk if that is normal in general, but I guess people here wouldn't know about it. And.... After it stopped, I just started hearing everything, my breathe, the fan, noices outside, and, for me, that's hell. So i wanted to ask, does that bother anyone? Do you play any audio and fall asleep to that maybe? It's too loud and uncomfortable for me so I don't do that. Ambient music helps, but it bother my brother, so I don't do that.

I am a complete NPC. No inner monologue, no imagery, no ability to truly think critically or think about anything at all really. My memory is absolutely shot, as whatever it is I’m “thinking” of disappears into the abyss as soon as I have another thought, which isn’t really a thought, just a vague instinctual feeling that I guess is kind of like a thought. For example, in school I wrote literally everything down, because I knew that information would disappear into the abyss if I didn’t. I didn’t retain anything from college, because unless I have those notes in front of me, I just don’t have access to that information. I feel like my brain is broken. & others can tell. They just assumed I’m stoned😭😭😭😭😭😭 but that isn’t always the case.

On one hand, I am an incredibly laid back person. I don’t ruminate on the past & I don’t stress about the future. But I have no access to any memories. I’m constantly living in the present. It’s lonely as fuck. Closing your eyes & it’s just silent & black. I have no escape from my reality, I can’t daydream, I can’t reminisce, I have no creativity whatsoever, I have no interests, I have no feelings, I’m just there, just a vessel. It hurts to know I am missing out on the true human experience by not having access to the full range of human emotions. I have felt this way as long as I can remember. I just feel so alone in this. No one I know can relate to me. I’m a triplet, & both of my siblings are artistically & musically talented, with an inner monologue & visualization & the whole nine yards.

My conversational skills are lacking, I freestyle what I say as I go because my mind is a blank canvas. I don’t like talking with people, I can never think of what to say. I wish I did though. Alcohol makes me feel tired & depressed, makes me think about how lonely & dumb I’ve become. I enjoy doing drugs, especially uppers, because I’m bored & I want to feel something. It’s as simple as that. So stupid. I’m constantly bored. I’m on antidepressants & I take 20 mg of Adderall, sometimes 40, like 4-5x a week. In the back of my head I know I probably don’t have ADHD, I just finessed my way to a diagnosis. Without it I’m tired all the time & even dumber. But like every drug, it’s eventually stopped working. I get no pleasure out of it anymore. It doesn’t make me sociable anymore. I rarely get pleasure out of anything. When I think about a time I felt happy, I just think about the first few times I did MDMA. Artificial happiness😂😂😂😂 which I abused, until it didn’t work anymore , of course.

I’m tired of feeling this way. I have the self awareness to know what I need to do to fix my life, but not the discipline or the motivation. I self sabotage. I don’t take care of myself. I don’t know what’s wrong with me man. Sorry for this long post just had to get it off of my chest. I hope no one can relate, but if you can, just know you aren’t alone .

To put it simply, think of those movie tropes where the protagonist is the flawless Top 1 student, favored by the teacher and hyped up by peers. On the flip side, the antagonist is stuck at Top 2, constantly compared, deemed inferior, and harbors deep resentment toward Top 1, trying desperately to defeat them just to get the teacher’s validation. This is how most people normally process things.
But people with high metacognition operate differently. First, they accept the reality: "I am genuinely not as good at this specific thing as Top 1." Then, they realize: "But I’m still pretty damn good for being Top 2, and I could easily be Top 1 in a different field. If anyone deserves my resentment here, it’s that biased teacher."
Yep, that is a textbook example of metacognition. But that’s just the theory.
The real issue is that many people possess this metacognition yet completely fail to act on what they perceive. It’s exactly like knowing how destructive staying up late is for your health, but you still do it anyway. Logic is one thing, but emotions and habits are an entirely different beast.
Can I call my situation a "brain within a brain" phenomenon? I’m not sure how to phrase it correctly, but it goes like this: For normal people, they have thoughts in their head and then they speak them out loud. For me, the thoughts in my head already function as the "spoken dialogue" (they literally talk back and forth to each other), while my actual, deeper thoughts exist on a completely different layer.
I’ve tried thinking my way out of the problem I mentioned above. However, the dialogue on my surface-level brain is always shallow and superficial, almost like fake, dishonest excuses. Meanwhile, that deeper "inner brain" layer sees right through it and clearly perceives that I am just dodging the issue.
I need help naming this exact phenomenon, and I'd love some advice on how to fix the gap between knowing and actually doing.

I believe I have no inner monologue and aphantasia. I have genuinely only came to this conclusion recently. I know I've thought like this for as long as I've been alive but I've not thought about what it means in terms of relationships with others. I get stressed when others think badly of me and I do quite selfish things to prove my innocence, often without thinking about what other people are thinking and feeling. Or often when I get yelled at or i am in trouble I shut down and just cry and I'm unable to calm myself down. I can force a voice inside my head if I try but it doesn't help to calm me down. Thoughts like 'this will pass' 'the world is so big but this problem is so small' doesn't work. I am reading Marcus Aurelius meditations right now and I want to apply stoic philosophies to my life. The only problem is I seldom put these ideas into use in emotional situations. They tend to control me because it sits uncomfortably in my body, I don't overthink, I don't put myself down but I just feel such a heavy sinking feeling inside myself. What are ways I can manage my cognitive process to become a better more rational person? If anyone has any tips I would be eternally grateful. I'm experiencing relationship issues with my partner and parents at the minute. They're tiny spats but I've only realised recently how I act upon my emotions with little care of consequences, saying hurtful things or just getting into depressive ruts with no way to stop. Is there a way to make me think more when things like this happen?

I'm curious if a hypnotist has ever found a way to get you into trance.

I’ve spent most of my career working in fast-paced environments.
I genuinely love them.

But… they’ve also been exhausting.

I’m neurodivergent, and over the years I’ve realized my brain simply isn’t wired the same way.

What I’ve struggled with most hasn’t been the work itself.

It’s been the systems around the work.

The documentation.
The training.

The constant assumption that everyone processes information the same way.

I often find myself thinking, “Things don’t have to be this hard.”

Sometimes, I simply feel like things aren’t… well… clear.

Am I alone in feeling that way?

If you’ve had a similar experience, I’d genuinely love to connect and exchange perspectives.

I have a feeling I’m not the only one navigating this, and I’m curious to hear what has actually helped, especially when organizations adapted the way they designed their operations, documentation, or training.

Thanks.

Ok so be warned this may not make much sense and you have to like know what I'm referencing to understand it.

Ok so my brain reads everything in captions Including people talking, Literally like captions on a TV screen that is my eyes. Except I can't like see the captions in front of the person but like I can see the inner eye seeing the captions. Does that make any sense? Another thing I can also "do" ig if that's the right term is when I'm remembering things, they draw themselves in like the first spinjitsu master story with the mountains (except it's not the mountains obviously it's the memory) so say for example I'm remembering my elementary school, the front main area draws itself in, colors itself in a way(?) and then becomes a 3d model in my head, I can then like move around in the memory like I'm on Google Earth while it also being like VR (?) idk if this affects it but I most likely have autism/ADHD/both I'm undiagnosed and don't wanna say I have it for sure but I'm working on getting the diagnosis. But ya, my friends have no idea what I'm on. This may also be a synesthesia thing or just a book reader thing, but when I'm reading a book I can see the characters doing the actions and like as I countinue reading the description (so like in the titans curse when they're fighting the giant) I can see grover under the rocks, the giant rusty statue fighting them the positions Thalia, Percy, and Zoe are in, I can imagine Bianca climbing up the leg, the grin on her face while she makes the giant punch itself, the controls in the head, etc (sorry I forgot the name and am past that now) just a random side tangent I'm posting about before I get back to the book :3

Before social media started, I never questioned my internal experience. I knew I was different and mostly an observer but I never felt the need to understand how my mind worked. Social media and talking to people about their experiences made me curious about mine and sent me down different paths.

I learned that I had been neglected due to absent parents and often wondered if that made me how I am. Finding this sub and reading your experiences was really helpful. It made it clear that I am just different and that's not a bad thing, nor necessarily a result of trauma. I have always been a neutral personality with a quiet mind and subdued emotions. Unless stimulated by external stimuli (people, media, events, etc) I generally just exist peacefully. I don't have big feelings or emotions unless the situation warrants it.

My circumstances and experiences shaped how I deal with people but who I am is just a neutral everything. Do you feel this way too? How would you describe your personality?

Edit: I don't have ASD or ADHD but a lot of my friends do and they don't have aphantasia. Lol. I have synesthesia.

I have an inner monologue (which is more like forced dialogue in my head) but thoughts appear as hazy flashes of an image, or singular words that I recollect from conversations. My memory is awful to say the least. This has been a huge difficulty for me, as I am now coming to the realisation that I may be just be plain stupid and lack intellect entirely. No sugar coating, I can take it :\. Is this fixable (or improvable at least with the right habits)?

I talk my self through so much of my life. When I’m about to do something complicated, planning my day when things feel a little flustered, when I’m cleaning, when I’m about to make a difficult decision… I talk to my self out loud quite a bit. But, how much is normal? Does anyone else do this?

I lost my inner voice and i miss it. Usually when i do critical thinking i have this inner voice that kinda does a conversation with basically like a qna with myself. I ask a question and i get an answer. It basically felt like i was talking with another person but that person is also me it's kinda like i transform into a narrator. Whenever i was in tough situations this persona automatically kicks in and talk it out. But now it's gone and I don't know when it started to disappear but now i don't have that narrator inside me and i really miss him it's very hard to explain what i feel right now .

I don't know whether it happened as an effect of ageing they say our brain will not stop developing until our mid 20s maybe my brain thought it was not necessary anymore. i tried to share this with my parents but they didn't even understand what that inner voice is. My dad said i was mentally sick then now I'm cured

Has anybody gone through this kind of changes?. Do you think my dad is right i was crazy back then or am i crazy now😵

To elaborate, I have no inner monologue, I usually catch myself whispering out loud to myself when I'm trying to remember things. Since I have no ability to speak to myself in my mind.

I also have total aphantasia. No images or visuals, I can't even recreate tastes, sounds, or feelings of various textures and weights. Which I've heard some people can do. Which is news to me.

I sometimes wonder how I think at all, but I do. But, when I have thoughts, It's just in silence and darkness in my mind no matter what. And I am assuming, forever.

But, to continue on the title of this post: I do enjoy having a silent mind. I feel as if I can fall asleep easier then if I were to have loud inner thoughts, or intrusive imagery.

I also feel more calm in a way. More peaceful in my internal silence. No matter what my environment is that day, at least my mind is peaceful and silent. And I am grateful for it in a way.

Now I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to have audible and/or visual thoughts, and I sometimes want to be able to hear songs in my head or to hear my own voice, or to visualize objects and various places or people.

But at the end of the day, I do truly prefer having a quiet headspace. And I wouldn't really trade it for anything, as I do enjoy it. But this is just me personally.

Anyway, thanks for reading my experience with a silent mind, if you did.

What is it called when you dont have an inner monolog? Like you can not think, have images, or anything? Like i have a bad memory, I can not think or force myself to think, no images nothing? Rarely my mind races yet stays silent all at the same time? It stays silent during panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and all that.