r/toxicmasculinity

I had one of the most depressing conversations I’ll ever have with a man today: he basically said 2 things:

1. Men and woman cannot just be friends because the man - if given the opportunity- would have sex with all of their female friends (while I believe this to be the case in many circumstances, I don’t believe this to be the case in ALL circumstances)

2. (And most depressingly) that all men will cheat on their girlfriends and if they do not it’s either because they don’t have the opportunity (a girl hasn’t offered or they don’t get many girls in the first place) or they have had a long, hard and internal battle about it, but if they choose not to cheat they still want to and will still think about it.

The conversation made me so upset that this is peoples genuine thought process. And I guess I would just like to know whether this is a common consensus among men. While I don’t believe this to be the case, through examples of men in my life, I’m scared they are a minority among every other man… please let me know if there is some credibility behind this

TL;DR Is my bf toxic for not wanting me to wear leggings to the gym?

My boyfriend 19 M doesn’t want me, 18 F to wear leggings to the gym he says without him people will be looking at my butt but I tell him that’s probably rare to happen and that’s others I can’t control that but he says if I do I just want attention from others. Last time a guy was looking at my butt supposedly him and he got quiet with me when confronted he said because he was looking at my butt. And he says that’s his rule and if I don’t like it I can end it with him so it seems there’s no room for discussion. I don’t know what to doo how do I change a stubborn persons mind I love him but I want him to not be so machista a times. And to top it all off we called his cousin and his gf was agreeing that she would never wear leggings without her man because that’s disrespectful.

So I've dealt with daddy issues my whole life. My mom took me away from my dad when I was about 2 years old. She was a hard drug user and would have multiple boyfriends. She hated me because of my dad I guess. When I was 8 years old she had a man staying with us and he ended up molesting me. I feel sick about it now that im a mother, but I have to admit I liked it at the time. Idk what was wrong with me other than he wasn't the only man that was molesting me. My uncle was also molesting me whenever he would hang out with me alone. My mom never cared when I tried to tell her about any of it. She didnt even care when I told her about our neighbor in our house touching my feet while I woke up crying for her. She had left me and my little brother alone at night and asked that neighbor to keep an eye on us. I honestly think she was trying to sell me to him because after I screamed out for her and scared him out of the house, I sat outside our house in the dark crying waiting for her. Whwn she finally got home, I told her everything and she called me a liar. She ended up going drinking with him while they both laughed at me. So yes, I have issues of my own. Back to the reason for this post, my husband was such a nice person to me when we first met. Throughout the years tho, he changed and became mean and would use money to control me. I worked most of our relationship but never made enough to cover all our bills. So he uses that against me. Sped up to today, he has been on keppra for about a month now due to having seizures. His attitude and behavior has gotten even worse. He blames all his problems on the medicine and me. I can't talk to him about mt feelings because he says he doesn't feeling anything because of the medicine but he was mostly like that even before the meds. He would go to bed after making me cry my eyes out. He would verbally abuse me til I was in a closet having a full on meltdown and would come and console me after I fell asleep in the closet, telling me he's sorry and let's go to bed. He would push me so far to the point I've wanted to unalive myself so many times. It never ends. Now he is experiencing depression and I told him I've felt that before but of course his depression is worse than mine ever could have been. He downplays all my emotions and responses. Today is mother's day and he chased me out. Im back at the door now because it was getting dark ans its cold outside. But im scared to go back in because idk what I'll have to deal with next. Maybe he's sleeping, maybe he's up and waiting to argue with me again. He knows I always come back. I don't want my girls to grow up without their father like I did. Idk anymore. I have no support and no family to run to out here.