r/transbians

Sorry if this is not the place to ask, I just dont know where would be appropriate and im confused.

Ive never in my life been into women, I thought I was when I was in highschool because part of me wanted to flirt, but id get grossed out at the feeling and I didnt realize at the time but it also made me dysphoric.

Ive never been into queer presenting people either, I would never go to gay clubs or anything like that because I knew my type wouldnt be there.

I've always been pretty strictly into your standard masculine men. With one cute tguy that I would ask to makeout with being the exception.

But anyways. I went to a rave, and someone I knew was there, I ended up seeing him as i was outside for a smoke. He went up to this girl, and I immediately had a suspicion she was gender queer or just queer.

Im both drunk and high, I went up and chatted to her too. Accidently stole my friends thunder (he's a weird loser anyway so I saved her) and me and her ended up dancing the entire night with eachother. We flirted with cute boys together.

Lately ive been into the idea of kissing girls but only for like male attention and stuff like straight cis women do (i know that's probably horrible of me sorry)

But idk what came over me, I found myself wanting to flirt with her, im a very flirty drunk but I almost wanted to impress her and act like I do when im into a guy. Touching her shoulder, staring at her.

She eventually went home but I got her contact, later that night I had the two hot guys we were flirting with walk me home lol I wanted to add.

I texted her and we flirted a tiny bit more, but I never want to lead people on or use them as tests or something. I told her im straight and into men but the idea of kissing girls has sounded a little fun lately. She said she can tell im just a very flirty drunk and doesnt take offense.

But that was on thursday, last night I invited her to go to the bars with me and hopefully a few friends. She came out and I was a little high as I got there, but she was already looking really cute...

I wanted to flirt again, but I showed a bit of restraint.

We step into the bar and its literally just us, we sat at a booth but in seconds I felt myself wanting to sit closer to her, wanting to lean in, it was just us for about an hour and the feeling was getting stronger, I was nervous yet so relaxed I don't know how to word it.

Eventually my friends came. We quickly left because the place was DEAD. We went to another bar, and everything in me wanted to hold her hand, but I knew it would be wrong of me.

We went to another bar, left quickly there too. We went to the club. Thats when i was obvious, I was a few drinks deep and I had a lot of weed. Everytime we talked she was inches from my face and I wanted her to make a move so bad. It was this feeling of attraction, worry, guilt, confusion.

I couldnt keep my hands off her. Even when she was talking to other people my hands were on her jacket, her hat, her shoulders her hair.

I was flirting with her and I felt so guilty because what if im just drunk and making her an experiment? What if im just using her? What if i have this attraction because I subconsciously see her as a man or something? There was so many feelings going on but I just wanted to be next to her all night.

I was winking, making all my faces (which to be fair I was doing to men as well)

Eventually we leave the club and were walking to find a spot to smoke. The feeling was unbearable, I just had to have my hands on here. I slipped my hand in her pocket and we walked like that.

I would lay on her shoulder as we were smoking, i made eye contact with her as she lit the pipe (weed not crack lol)

I Eventually said I wanted to go home and asked if she could walk me. She says yes.

And I was nervous to talk to her. It's was the same way I feel when flirting with a man im really into, I couldn't do it.

I asked her over and over to just stay with me until the busses run again because she walks home and its really far. She stepped in for a little bit.

When we were petting my cat I was really close, like face to face and i was playing with her arm. She turned around super fast randomly and just unlocked the door and said "ok I need to go bye!"

She rushed out, said her last goodbyes then ran away...

I dont know what this means, I've never found a girl this attractive. Shes like a butch lesbian appearance (shes bi though) but I've never been into that, ive had women hit on me before and I had zero interest.

I dont know what any of this means... im so confused...

My biggest fear is I subconsciously see her as a man but I dont think I do. I just appreciate her masculinity that shes so comfortable with presenting, she has a very feminine body but still acts masculine? Idk. Think of like the skater girl stereotypes. Shes that.

I dont know if I want sex with her, i dont think I want to go out on dates or anything, both times ive seen her ive been high/drunk so maybe thats why? But ive never done this with another girl before even when under the influence

I feel like a monster because I worry im doing to her what men do to me, use me as an experiment and dont care for me. But shes so fun...

And this is probably horrible for me to say but... i dont want to be into girls... i finally thought I figured myself out and I did all my learning... i dont want to go through that again, and I still get that dysphoric feeling when flirting with her.

Am I straight with this one exception? Am I heteroflexible? Amd I bi? Im so confused here... help.

Also sorry if this is long and hard to read. Im hungover and sleepy lol