Aita for not wanting my spouse in the delivery room?
We have been married for 9 years. We have 2 children (7&5) and im currently 34 weeks pregnant. We moved to California shortly after getting married where I gave birth to our first child. I was blessed to have an “easy” first pregnancy and delivery. Baby was healthy and no medical complications at all. However the mental and emotional distress I experienced within 72 hours of giving birth for the first time was more traumatic than the actual act of pushing a baby out for the first time. I got induced around 41 weeks. My husband wanted me to give birth naturally but I wanted an epidural so thats what I did. Do you know that he had an attitude about it. I had to call a relative of his (someone he looked up to) and ask them to call my husband and talk to him about epidurals, the pain of contractions and how i needed him to be supportive in this moment even if he disagreed with my decisions about my body. Yes, I was in active induced labor trying to manage another persons emotions. After the phone call he no longer had an attitude. I underestimated the pain of contractions and neither one of us had alternative methods for pain management. I didnt want to suffer so thats why I choose an epidural. I do not regret it.
The next day while my newborn is less then 24 hours old, he decides to conviently leave the hospital to go home and shower/eat. I was okay with it because he was also bringing me food that i desperately wanted. I asked him to ask his dad and step mom to wait until he returned to the hospital before they came to visit the baby(I had no family in california nor did I have a good relationship with his parents). He did not tell them. They flew in from ohio to cali as soon as he told them i was in active labor and immediately came to my hospital room. I got a call from my spouse telling me his parents were outside of the hospital looking for parking. I immediately asked my nurses to not allow any visitors to come into my room. I was actively stressed about trying to brestfeed, I had on an adult diaper, constantly bleeding, no shower, no teeth brushed, beyond hungry, still exhausted from giving birth and wearing a open back hospital gown with no bra. I was in no shape for visitors. Eventually my spouse returns with his parents in tow. They said nothing to me (probably mad they had to sit in the waiting room because my nurses told them im not accepting visitors). No congratulations, no flowers, no eye contact, no hello, nothing. I ended up sitting in the window of my own hospital room while my spouse sat in the hospital bed holding the baby as if he was the one who just gave birth. His parents cooing over my newborn. I dont remember how long they stayed but they eventually left. We went home later that night and the very next day im being forced to entertain his parents again! This time it was in my own home! I sat on my couch with leaky painful breast ( breast feeding for the first time was incredibly painful for me) I felt extremely uncomfortable in my own body yet I was expected to sit and socialize with people who could careless about me. Everyone only cared about the baby. My husband knew gow i felt but he said nothing to his parents and they had zero boundaries. Shame on me for not speaking up for myself.
2 years later I gave birth again, this time it was during covid so I gave birth alone as my husband stayed home with our other child because we had no one else to watch her and she wasnt allowed in the delivery room. Giving birth alone was far more pleasant then the first time. I want to recreate that birthing experience and not my first one. Aita for not wanting my spouse in the delivery room with baby #3? I refuse to let anyone make me uncomfortable again during my induction especially my ‘man child’ aka my spouse. I feel like he doesn’t deserve to be there if hes not going to be actively supportive. He can sit at home and scroll on social media while I do all the physical labor myself. He brings me no peace, Id rather be alone.