I left someone who truly loved me, got cheated on by the person I chose, and now I regret everything
I’m struggling with something that has been affecting my mental peace, and I genuinely want an outside perspective.
I was in a relationship for about four years. My ex was less professionally qualified than me, and that was something I initially struggled with, but I stayed because he was extremely supportive, caring, and emotionally present. He sacrificed a lot for me and, in many ways, put my wellbeing before his own.
However, the relationship also had serious problems. He was very possessive and controlling, stubborn, and he had an alcohol/drug addiction that he hid from me for a long time. Eventually, I reached a point where I couldn't continue.
During that relationship, I became involved with someone else in a long-distance relationship. I cheated on my partner, eventually told him the truth, and ended our relationship quite suddenly.
The person I left him for later cheated on me, manipulated me, and played with my emotions. Eventually, he married someone who, professionally speaking, is more successful than me. That experience completely broke something in me. For the first time, I understood what it feels like to be betrayed by someone you trusted.
Meanwhile, my first ex kept hoping that I would come back for a long time. But by then, I had moved into another serious relationship, so I didn't go back.
Now, four years after our breakup, I find myself missing my first ex terribly. I miss the way he cared about me, the emotional support he gave me, and the feeling that someone genuinely had my back. I also feel enormous guilt because I now understand how deeply I must have hurt him.
The problem is that he has moved on. He is committed to someone else and is apparently getting married soon.
I feel completely stuck. I can't go back to him, and I also don't feel emotionally capable of fully investing in another relationship right now. At the same time, I can't seem to stop thinking about what I lost.
I know I made mistakes. I cheated, I hurt someone who loved me, and I made choices that I regret deeply. I'm not looking for people to tell me that I did nothing wrong. I know I did.
What I don't know is how to move forward from here.
Am I actually missing him, or am I missing the way he loved and cared for me?
How do you deal with the regret of losing someone because of your own choices when you know you can never go back?
And if you've been through something similar, how did you finally make peace with it?