LIFE ADVICE
i’ve always felt some sort of deep sadness since a child. it’s honestly quite an off putting feeling to live with and i mostly try my best to rid myself of it. i’ve done work to love myself , to find god and i have faith in something greater than me truly i do. I don’t even think it’s right for me to think this way but i really don’t think i want to be alive. i don’t want to hurt those around me by any means but my family is falling apart and even when it was together my mother has been completely emotionally absent towards me and sometimes says really hurtful things about me. i used to cut myself and often been thinking about relapsing , when my household family found out and i asked for a therapist they kind of just blew me off and called me crazy . I just don’t think i really understand the point of it all. the only thing that resonates with me is love , i love my friends i love my family but i hate the way society functions . there’s so much hate in the world so many problems i can’t even fathom fixing. i hate capitalism i wish i could just live , breathe air, soak in the sun, and dance but then id be poor and struggling which would likely stress me out and bring me right back to horrible thoughts. i’ve had times where i dont think about death but it never lasts. i wonder if i should just do it ?