What do I do as a gay christian?
I've had same-sex attraction my entire life but until now I've just ignored and denied it and I've prayed and prayed for it to go away but it will never go away. In high school right now it really sucks never dating anyone or doing anything romantic whatsoever. I don't really see a path forward in my life where I don't fall into extreme hopelessness, loneliness, and no idea what to do with my life.
Many straight Christians like to say it's just a choice or they brush it off or don't know how to help. I'm alone and don't have friends either. I've tried for so long to make good friends that I actually feel comfortable with but they all fail or hurt me or I end up catching feelings for them and it ends in a horrible mess. The only person I am decently good friends with I just really don't want to talk about this with because I don't feel comfortable with her at all and we'll probably drift apart after high school anyway.
If you're straight, you don't think about how much of your life revolves around the fact that you're attracted to the opposite sex. It allows you to have a companion for life, have kids and start a family, feel loved and accepted and provided for. After a long day of work you can come home and spend time with your family, plan vacations together, do stuff together, have intimacy and romance, etc. Almost everything meaningful in your life is because of that.
If I follow the Bible on this, it's not just "don't have gay sex" or "don't get married to a man" but it inevitably means that I will:
- Live alone, which would be torture for me and my literal biggest fear
- Have no kids and no family
- Spend the vast majority of my time outside of work alone, because I don't and won't even have any friends and even if I do they'll be married and be having kids and can't spend time with me 24/7 so i wouldn't feel supported at all.
- I'll be surrounded by no family on my deathbed, and die alone - I'll never get to go on vacations and explore the world because I'll be alone - I'll die a virgin and never even kiss someone - I can't be provided for or have someone to help me if I get sick or injured. - I have to pay and buy things all on my own
Loneliness is the worst thing for me, I don't think it will even be worth living anymore once my family dies or I don't see them often, or when the friends I do have or even ever have get married and don't have time to spend with me
As for God, I've prayed and tried so many times for him to give me discernment but I just don't understand why he would make me this way. Honestly there's just no point to life anymore