I lost my Filipino Heritage and consequently my pride for it
For Context I'm nearing 29 and I spent years of my life despite growing up having the desire to explore my heritage since I was 6. Any attempts at me trying to reconnect with my heritage has never been supported in any meaningful way, by my family.
So I need to admit, as much as I've love my Filipino family, my Titos, Titas, Lola and Lolo (May he rest), they've never been the most proactive in fostering that in me, what's even weirder they noticed I had a thing for languages growing up, learning Spanish, Japanese, Italian, but not once did they think to put me through and Tagalog or Bisaya courses or connect me to extended family to teach me, at least every other summer as a kid I wanted to go to the Philippines, they always promised but never delievered. I was one of the only FilAm's I knew that has never been to the Philippines, and to top it all with the fact I was never taught to speak Tagalog I felt so embarrassed by how out of touch I was with my heritage, and till this day I've never gone. As an adult and with easier access to resources like Italki tutors, learning Tagalog has definitely become easier, but what really killed my connection, was when I decided I wanted to pursue dual citizenship.
Now I'm only a 2nd generation and my Tatay (Dad) was born in America and although he was raised in the Philippines, never went through with acquiring dual citizenship even though he had every opportunity to, had he gotten it before I was born I would have been eligible, but even then there was a grace period that was available to me that is no longer available. Had he acquired it before I was 18, I would have qualified for dual citizenship. Now the only way for me to get Filipino citizenship now is through standard immigration routes on top of renouncing my American citizenship. Which defeats the purpose of what my grandparents wanted for me, but there could have been measures taken in place to ensure and foster I maintained my connections to my ancestral land, but now that is being denied to me, and I feel a hole in my identity over it.
A Heritage I've spent trying to come to understand become a part of, every family gathering where all my extended family are speaking a language I'm left out of, it kills me to see the practical exclusion I and some other FilAm's go through EVEN WITHIN OUR IMMEDIATE FAMILIES!
And when I brough this up with my family I was met with a "so what?". Every family gathering and stories I heard was never expanded upon for me, and you didn't think I would have cared to pursue something that was a birthright? Whenever I meet Filipinos from the homeland, I don't call myself Filipino I just say my family is, but I'm not as much as I wish I can call myself one. I hate this short sighted way of thinking, and my grandparents didn't help with the situation only providing snippets and empty promises to immerse myself, I never even got to master Tagalog, my Lolo's native language before he passed.