Sexual harassment & workplace bullying
During my time at one of the Big Four firms in Singapore, I experienced an incident that deeply affected me.
There was a male colleague, whom I’ll refer to as R. One day, I asked him what skincare products he used because I thought his skin looked good. Instead, he replied, “You can be my brother’s mistress.” I was completely shocked and hurt. I couldn’t understand why he would respond that way to such a simple question.
When I tried to tell one of my batchmates about what had happened, she dismissed my feelings and told me that I was “too sensitive.” That response made me feel even more alone.
The incident affected me far more than I expected. I struggled to sleep for weeks and kept replaying the conversation in my head, trying to make sense of it. Eventually, I spoke to both my mentor and my project manager. I requested not to be placed on the same team as R. I was also surprised that, from what I observed, he did not receive any disciplinary action after I had raised the matter with two managers.
Because the incident continued to affect my mental health and sleep, a meeting was arranged between the three of us. During the meeting, R denied ever making the comment. Hearing that was incredibly upsetting because it was completely different from what I remembered happening.
When I became emotional, he said, “I think she is too emotional at the moment, so let’s postpone the meeting.” At that moment, it felt to me like he was trying to avoid the conversation instead of addressing what had happened. His attitude also came across to me as though he wasn’t taking the situation seriously or showing remorse, which made the experience even more painful.
My mentor encouraged him to apologize, and he eventually did. However, I personally did not feel that the apology was sincere.
After this incident, during an onboarding session where HR was explaining the company’s policies, including those on sexual harassment, I observed R approach HR during the break and ask what the disciplinary consequences would be if someone were accused of sexual harassment. I don’t know why he asked that question, but seeing it left me feeling deeply unsettled. At the time, I felt that I should have been the one receiving support from HR.
Even after this incident, I found myself distancing myself from my batchmates and from R. The experience affected me so deeply that I struggled to sleep properly for months.
I’m not sharing this to attack anyone or any company. I’m sharing it because workplace bullying and sexual harassment can have a profound impact on someone’s mental health. No one should have to question whether they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect at work.