r/u_InternationalWeb171

For context : the dosage was a heroic dose. I have only ever micro dosed. I was alone.

For a short summary; I experienced a bad trip where (if i can remember correctly) for about an hour I was watching, in 3rd POV, a replay of my death from beginning, middle, to end. I also witnessed a snap shot of my funeral and small moments of my loved one’s grief. It was incredibly traumatizing and ever since i’ve had this personal connection to the feeling of my own death as if i’ve already experienced death itself. (don’t know how to explain that other than as if i know how I will die and what it will be like.)

I’m not sure how to work through it because in all honesty, my mind keeps trying to block it out but, here and there i’ll come to understand why something presented itself and what it means.

In short, I just want to know if anyone else experienced an ego death like this and if you maybe had any thoughts of what it may mean.

Last summer I went down an incredibly dark and isolating time where for about 4 months I was abusing 3 substance at once while alone in the basement of my house. After the loss of some beautiful souls to fentanyl and an extremely traumatic ego death I took myself in for a psych eval at the ER and from that day I threw everything i had away, old and new, and went cold turkey. Only one friend knew this was happening but none of my other friends or family knew. not because they don’t care but because i never asked for help or told anyone i was struggling. Now that i’ve hit this milestone I feel like since nobody even knew this was a struggle in my life it would be weird or random for me to just say “hey im 9 months sober.” Idk, I just wanna feel like other people around me see that im a strong person. I’m not self centered I just feel so accomplished but so alone.