AITAH for waiting to have kids until he reads up on it?
My (25M) boyfriend and I (25F) have been together almost 3 years but still plan on waiting a few to have kids. We have known each other for over 7 and have agreed to have kids a little later.
My perspective and goal for myself is to have as much knowledge as possible on pregnancy and postpartum before trying for to have a child. This way I can be much healthier and make beneficial switches, and I can be prepared for what will happen at each stage. There are many, many complications with pregnancy today, and many reasons why it can be difficult to experience. But we do have evidence now that supports the fact that the man’s health and mental/emotional contribution affects the pregnancy.
His take on the matter is that he will do his best to be supportive with what I need when I become pregnant. His examples are foot rubs and getting weird craving snacks for me, things of that nature. Which I appreciate and think to be the right thing to do anyway. I want him to be passionate enough to take initiative and learn about the genetic influence he has, and the ways he could potentially make my pregnancy easier. His genetics affect the sperm, placenta, and our child, and his behavior can effect stress and the child’s exposure to risk factors. I want him to know this Beforehand.
Something that will stick with me is that he asked “what is that going to do for me?” “How does that advantage me?” After I told him I want him to understand some of these things.
We have more information now than ever, at the edge of our fingertips. Educating oneself about the process is not difficult and doesn’t take much time. In the age of knowledge ignorance is a choice. As a man, if you could potentially make pregnancy easier for your partner with your health, good habits and education would you do it?
Without a guarantee that it will help, but the chance it will would you?
This is what I am asking of him before we start trying.
So AITAH?
PS. I am fully aware there are things you cannot change or influence, and I also understand that there are things that could happen with our child that we don’t anticipate. All we can do is be prepared and thankful for a child. And I have promised him that because this is the truth and you can’t pick and choose, no one should ever be blamed for an unexpected outcome. If something happens we can rest assured we did our best to provide what was needed at minimum.