Soo a lot of stuff has happened since this (the doggy’s are okay now)
<This post wasn’t approved on Facebook so we’ll see how we here>My voice is back bitches, have a read of the most traumatic experience I’ve ever had to go through just so I could put into words everything that’s been going on in my brain
this day was the very first time I felt heard and that’s weird to say as a very hard of hearing person, but when I actually screamed the loudest for help it was the quickest most kindest people that showed up and the first person I’d like to thank I don’t even know because they’re the ones who made the right call and i was just screaming so someone would hear. Thank you for hearing me.
And secondly the amazing people at Blacktown Hospital bar one nurse who thought her opinion was bigger then the mental battle in my head and I want to say that was the most disrespectful thing I could have heard and you kept trying to move me from safe when I’d been sat there for over 8 hours (chill out bitch I know I’m now selfish but please never ever do that to another person again, because I had help and if I had been alone then I’d be way worse off and it’d be your fault, actually think about people before you speak, because everyone has emotions and you mam have veryy out of place ones to work in a hospital so focused in on mental health and I hope you and your bosses read this cause I was there for so long and you were the only one I can remember being unkind. And that’s saying something considering how many drugs I had to take to feel nothing and everything at the same time, so to you only you; FUCK YOU and that from anyone who has been told to move from comfort when you physically can’t fucking move) and to the people who help even more because of that bitch so thank you to whoever help me over the course of today and yesterday, if I ever get to know your last names too, I’ll be getting you whatever you want cause I was In no pain and so much pain all at once from dealing with both traumatic and emotional pain all at once while trying to fight my physical pain so I could stop what was happening and for to have to just sit and scream for help; yeah to be honest I hate how it happened but I’m sat in bed and my boy is alive and i am too and now I can finally say after 10 or more year of trying to live I wanted to say this all because you all helped.
This has made me set boundaries for myself and that’s a big thing concerning everyone who cares for me is so worried and I’m finally able to calm them down for once and now they are actually listening and that’s because dealing with so much pain for so long and then having to deal with it all at the same time then just sit back and let it unfold; yeah I saw my life and it wasn’t flashing, it was a clear picture and I couldn’t do anything. So thank you to literally everyone because now I can finally and honestly say I need to live and now I know it’s for me and not other people anymore and that makes me so happy that I don’t care if I can feel the pain.
Look if by chance this does find the right people, please let me say thank you. Hell I think even my parents might because I can finally shut up and listen then tell them what I’m thinking. I have so much to say and everyone was listening and I couldn’t cope with how much was happening but the ambulance ride calmed me down so much and that way I’m posting this, you two ladies helped more then you’ll even know and I need to express it somewhere; and I know it’s “not allowed” to know you guys in that kinda sense but I need you two to see the me now to see how much this has all actually changed and awoken me up.
So if anyone knows an Ellie I think it was and her ambulance driver pleaseeee send them my way or push them to know, please just so I’m not the only one that got helped out of a fucked up situation, like I know I’m not but seriously I need them to know that too.
Thank you if you made it through the rant, you have no idea how good it feels to word it all that I’m typing so quick but I have no spelling errors that I know of.
It feels so good to let shit out of my finally clear headed brain, and no one but me will ever understand and now I’m okay with that.
Also if anyone ever wants to talk you can add me on anything or ask for my number, mental health is no joke and I can finally use my voice for not just me but anyone who is willing to listen and actually accept the help, the right people will find you ✨🫶🏻