Am I overreacting for wanting to quit competitive XC/Track to just run for fun?
I’m a 16-year-old girl and have been running cross country and track for the past 6 years, competing on varsity since the 7th grade. Before high school, I was pushed to run 40–50 miles per week, which led to severe overuse injuries, hormonal imbalances, and a long battle with overtraining syndrome / energy deficiency.
My coach never allowed me to take breaks and even called me “weak” when I developed a stress reaction in my femur and hip. Because of this, I had to take the last track season off entirely for medical recovery. It was a brutal 9 months, but by resting, fueling properly, and taking a break from running, I finally got healthy again. My sleep improved, my anxiety dropped, and my body began to heal.
Coming back has been incredibly hard. I’m currently building back up slowly at around 20–25 miles per week. My pace is much slower and my heart rate is much higher than it used to be, but I am trying to trust the process and listen to my body. I also found out I was slightly vitamin D deficient, so I am taking supplements and taking it day by day.
However, now that I am back at team practices, I realized how much I hate the environment. I feel stressed and anxious all the time. I don’t feel ready to be back in a high-pressure setting, and honestly, I just want to run for fun by myself. I dread seeing my coach, and thinking about practice makes me physically sick. On top of that, after just one week back, my hip is already flaring up again. I don’t feel supported or ready at all.
Am I being weak, or is it completely valid to want to quit the team and just run on my own terms? I'd love to hear from other runners who have dealt with burn out, injuries, or tough team dynamics.