Is it better to die or to live a life you hate
I’m in my junior year and reality check is hitting. I want to be a great pop star, I want to live in New York… I know they are pretty big ambitions. In the last few days the whole college thing has started and I talked with my parents and we can’t afford not even a small college, I can’t afford transportation, tutoring, books, etc. I can’t leave to a big city and figure it out because I want to go live another country, and I’m also not the most talented one in terms of singing or dancing. I’ve read some stuff about this feeling and told myself that I need to keep going and try hard and even if I fail try another way and practice and start today, and sometimes I do and other I let myself down, but it hurts to know that even if I did my everything I still can’t do what I want because some things don’t depend on me. Said that I’ve always been a person of morals and values of myself, and one is not coping to something I don’t want to do, some things I know I have to do and that makes me want to do them even a little like work or study, but I don’t want to spend my life having horrible thoughts and hating on every aspect of my life. So I had this question on my mind this evening, if it was better to die or to hate the life you live, and a lot of people may say that a life is many years and in many years things can change (but still the future a seek for is very limited and hard even if I had the money or the talent) but what if it didn’t and what if I did my everything and I still couldn’t do anything out of my dreams and life. This thought makes me really sad, I’ve been suicidal before and more than hating on the idea of me committing it gives me a pain in the ass to be sad all day when I want to get better and do this I can’t because I feel horrible all day, and I promise I want to be better and learn more about what I’m passionate but it gets to a point where I feel like I can’t do anything anymore.
What do you think I should do??