height insecurity
hi, i’m so embarrassed to text here and i don’t think anyone will waste their time on me, but idk what else to do anymore and i need to vent. basically, i’m a tall girl (5’11) and i can’t stand myself any longer. i’m really insecure. when i go outside, everyone stares at me, but people who approach me always say nice stuff, so i shouldn’t have a problem, but then when i get online, i only see people saying bad stuff about girls my height and it makes me feel horrible. besides that, i live in spain, and there’s no girls like me anywhere, i’ve always felt like an alien among my friends. also i physically don’t look spanish at all as i have very fair skin, i’m blonde and i have blue eyes… my girl friends have always excluded me, and girls have always treated me badly (pushing me, making comments…)
it’s gotten to a point were i feel so lonely, since i’m very shy and i actually don’t have many friends or people to talk to. i’ve been insecure since i was 10 and i’m about to turn 18. i’ve never told anyone. there’s been many days in which i can’t even get out of home bc i feel like a monster. i also avoid everyone when i go outside, specially guys. i’ve never had a boyfriend, i believe that if i had one, id make their life hell as i’m abnormal and every guy deserves a normal girlfriend. i’ve pushed away guys who liked me bc of that, and i’ve also unintentionally push friends away as well bc when i go outside i’m always sad and quiet, and people don’t like to be around someone like that.
i’ve been a model since i was a kid, and even tho that should make me feel better and more confident, it doesn’t. i believe that i might be pretty but i’m not perfect because of my height, that it ruins everything and ill never be able to be perfect since i can’t change it.
i’m aware that this insecurity is fueled by social media, but it’s impossible for me to delete the apps or just forget about the comments i’ve read. it’s almost like i seek them myself, like an obsession, and then i get depressed all over again… i’ve tried to stop multiple times but it’s so hard…
is there any way to feel better with myself?
also, i’m sorry but if anyone actually reads this and it’s not a lot to ask for, could you just drop some advice? i really don’t have anyone to talk to and leaving this in the internet really embarrasses me. i would really appreciate it, thank you!