Can't ever hold down a job (need advice)
It's a long post so I appreciate whoever reads it.
I've had many jobs, no matter what I do, within 2-3 months, I get let go or I crash out. It's embarrassing every time I think about it. Now that I've looked into it, I'm pretty sure it's ADHD/autism from what others have told and from the symptoms ,not diagnosed yet but idk if it'll make a difference.
Whenever I start a new job, it takes forever to learn and remember what to do, it's those first weeks when the manager is understanding that you're still new and doesn't expect you to know everything. But when you pass your probation and you're still asking about basic instructions and where things are and forgetting stuff, they start to get sick of you. I remember things like when I worked in greggs and someone would tell me their coffee order and by the time I grab the cup and start, I need to ask them again what it was, they'd just look at you like you're stupid.
It's like when people get to know me and realise I'm weak or something, maybe it's the autism and mannerism or just how I naturally conduct myself, they just put more pressure on me and just start getting on to me when I make mistakes, I come off way too awkward and weak.
I don't wanna be on universal credit again, that shit is depressing and they always give me the lowest amount and being a NEET at my age makes me borderline suicidal. It's like my brain isn't meant for society, for this life. It's like being an adult is max difficulty, I'm still somehow in my current job even though I got a warning for not keeping up. But rn I'm trying to save up for a car to maybe do delivery but hopefully I can stay long enough to save up.
Maybe it's also arrested development, abusive parents really messed up my development, secondary school kinda protected me from it, I was forced to socialise, was into sports, had friends, but after secondary it all went shit. No idea ngl. Might just end it, cause I'm scared to end up like this forever, feel like the biggest bum man, can't take this shit anymore