r/vegancirclejerk

1. Veganism is ableist because people with disabilities are too weak in body and mind to eat different food.

2. Veganism is classist because poor people are too stupid to buy dry beans and rice.

3. Veganism is colonialist because natives are animals must have every bit of their culture preserved because they are not like us.

4. Veganism is racist because I know an AFRICAN AMERICAN INDIVIDUAL that eats meat. Surely you wouldn’t tell an AFRICAN AMERICAN INDIVIDUAL what to do, would you? God I’m so fucking woke.

5. We need to focus on real problems like circlejerking ourselves about reading theory.

I'm vegetarian, sort of. I do not buy meat, I do not cook meat, I do not order meat at restaurants. I'm not anal about the minutiae, though. For example, if something unbeknownst to me contains meat-based bouillon or fish sauce or whatever, I don't fret. I adhere to the strict but not the neurotic.

But I have a couple exemptions:

• communal meals are culturally significant and I would rather partake in a shared meal than inconvenience my host with dietary restrictions or to appear impolite to refuse a meal. Socially I value being free of friction.
• food waste is higher on the food ethics totem pole than consuming animals: if something containing meat would otherwise be wasted, it would be foolish to refuse. The impact on animals, environment, etc was when it was produced; throwing something away compounds that loss.
The second doesn't come into play often as I don't put myself in situations where I'd need to decide whether meat is wasted or not. But sometimes it can't be avoided, like if someone gave me a gift of food. To me, stuff like that has no rules.

What am I if not vegetarian? Is eating meat like that allowed, if you never seek it out?

I just realized that by me personally not beating my wife, it is never going to change anything about global domestic violence issues. Just think about it: is you personally not beating your significant other going to help the person getting beaten up next door? No, clearly not. Since I think humans are always going to have domestic violence issues as a species (human nature), I have come to the conclusion that I should start beating my partner into a pulp every day. Wake up, sheeple!

Why do vegans buy B12 supplements when vitamins B5 and B7 are easily available? 5+7=12, Am I missing something?

Here's the thing. I'm vegan, so I'm immune from criticism. So don't come at me. I bought a few egg-laying hens (they're so cute with their flat beaks!) from the local big-box store where people buy supplies for their tractors. I built them a coop, and I keep them locked up tight so they can't move. And for safety or whatever. Anyway, these chickens lay a LOT of eggs! Like, way more than they should probably eat themselves. Maybe. I dunno, everything I've read says that chickens can eat eggs, but like, do they need ALL of their eggs? Wouldn't it be harmful if they ate ALL of their eggs? Surely it would be fine, and still vegan, if I were to take their eggs and eat them myself, or even sell them. For the animals. I'm sure there are studies out there somewhere that says that chickens can't eat all their eggs and it could even be harmful if they were to eat that many. I can't find any, so hopefully someone else can find them for me. I don't have a lot of time to look into it myself, I'm quadrupling the size of my coop and getting 3 dozen more egg-laying hens. I've found it can be quite profitable to sell the chickens' bonus eggs that they probably shouldn't eat themselves.

While we're on the subject, how much milk can a baby cow drink all by itself? 🤔

"animal-loving vegans"

I can't stop commenting "here come the animal-loving vegans 🙄" in agreement with any fellow omni's post/comment when they say something that'll trigger the vegans

I’m an new vegne and carn’t eat gluten is seitan gluten free thansk reddet

title

If yes, please give us your best island recipe.

I) "they dumb ugly n different obv - like my neighbor kevin like okay like just go ahead and breed more dumb ugly kevins for eating purposes okay like we all got to eat okay 👌"

II) "My mommy made canned sloppy joe's when I was a kid and if I don't get the exact flavor profile and texture of mommies canned sloppy joe's I will be depressed and you don't want that do you so yeah can we get back to grilling this baby stuffed with his own mother's fermented lactation?"

III) "I've been punching people unprovoked my whole life I'm not going to stop now just because you woke people say it's wrong all of a sudden - also who cares how my wife feels about it?" *SMACK*

IV) "akshually ☝️🤓 We don't genocide wild animals completely - we make sure there will be just enough animals left for them to make more babies that your kids can shoot and stab for generations and generations to come 🤗"

V) "I pretend to give a shit about plant and fungal root suffering while not caring about animal suffering because of some woo woo thing experienced during a psylocybin/lsd interdimensional merge and like let me tell you about it for the next thirty minutes it was so profound on that sentience topic - we are like all connected man and now I literally cannot tell the difference between a screaming nervous system having animal in a carbon dioxide gondola and gas releasing from tomatoes pulled from a vine. I value the sentience of all things so much and that's why I won't consider ANY harm reduction for ANY of them.

VI) "I'm going to pretend you don't care about humans by pointing out your focus on animals even though humans are also animals also can you throw my '❤️ alligator alcatraz' shirt in the wash? Thanks."

VII) "I take weird shits and can't gradually increase my fiber intake like any other vaguely healthy person - my butthole is a special snowflake and my ego would rather slice the throats of a million babies before considering the 0.000000001% chance of wearing a diaper in any context - even though I regularly have explosive diarrhea from a lack of fiber intake."

VIII) "Woah man, to [platitude thought terminating cliche] their own. Not everyone has to agree with you about throwing babies in gas chambers - chill."

IX) "Ever been to a bodega? 🤔 I have never lived near one myself but LOVE to use the material circumstances of others to justify my own choices I LOVE COCAINE."

X) "Isn't morality like - all made-up tho? 🤷‍♂️ (just don't like made-up my own throat or those of whatever tribe I ascribe to). What's a universal ethical principle?"

XI) "You are going to argue via reason? Dawg, We are emotional creatures 🤦‍♂️ Appeal to mine, but don't expect me to appeal to yours - or any other animal for that matter."

XII) "I'm honestly just an incoherent piece of shit and love exploitating others, get a legal enforcement mechanism in place otherwise Whaddayagondoabootit (slavery was lit btw)."

XIII) [Unfalsifiable metaphysical claim in a country where seperation of church and state makes the argument legally defunct] "I only expect you to to take my religion seriously on justifications for violence in a legal context and no others and I'm somehow not a theocratic fascist. Do not ask me how we resolve a legal dispute if your God says something different than mine."

XIV) "lmao your not paying for sliced up kevin corpses is performative - get collective or you are politically unserious (I will not only do nothing personal or collective on behalf of sliced up kevins but will also continue normalizing and actively participate in financing future throat slit kevins - also - I refuse to reduce an abstraction of people to their real individual part in a collective - literally why even talk to me go talk to an abstraction 😂)."

XV) "Paying for the body parts of babies is the same as having a phone and driving a car I don't have any nuance at all regarding intent or what classifies as a commoditiy. I just love saying capitalism bad! Anyway, Epstein did nothing more wrong than we do it's all equally bad and if you say the word 'but' I'll cut you off and claim whataboutism have a good day I have a shed to cull."

XVI) "You want to police indigenous people? Gross. I will not examine how eating animals has historically or currently harms/kills/displaces/polices indigenous people, but actually, your worldview is the problematic one. Climate change will be super helpful in ensuring the continuance of their ancestral practices and is why I exclusively eat amazonian beef. I won't examine how their practices have changed as a result of the modern world - I just love to tokenize my indigenous monoliths 🫶."

XVII) "I am of a kind for thinking and others are a kind for being turned into pink blender slop on their first day of life. Why? because I said so. I said so and so it is. I am literally entitled don't ask from where that comes from. I made the line the fuck up - whaytyagunnadoboutitt? If a bunch of people agree, it means we are right. Someone said I am of a different kind? Nonono see I am of a very rational kind I am in the cool kids club ☝️🤓 oh a bunch of people said I actually *am* of a different kind? Slave me up cuties I guess whatamIgunnadoboutitt 🤷‍♂️."

XVIII) AI will fix everythin 🤖 and mass produce lab meat 🥩 someday for a select class of people that will be able to afford it until then just let me eat puppies and discharged 36 week old fetuses in peace get off the soapbox ffs the poors can eat bugs at least.

XIX) "Muh 👖 jeans 👖 are special tho this exact arrangement in fact shields me 🛡️ yes and why well because Isaidso. I am fine with blowing the brains out of a crying begging alien on their knees with different jeans than my tribe 🙄 I am tired of explaining this."

XX) their subjugation is muh freedum 🇺🇲🦅 no tread snek 🟨🐍 crybully 🥺 subjugation is hella American after all and if you don't like it just 👏 leaaavvvveee 👏

XXI) Intellectualize violating someone's bodily autonomy with violent intent - like a CHAD. ✨ WWCD ✨

XXII) UTILITYPILLMAX AND EXHUME MY GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT AUNT DENISE SO I CAN TURN HER INTO MUMMY JERKY IT'S LIKE A TOTAL WASTE NOT TO.

XXIII) MY DADDY FINALLY TOLD ME I AM A MAN NOW THAT I DRANK THE HOT BLOOD OF MY VICTIMS AND I NEED HIS APPROVAL SO BAD IM SO BEHIND ON MY PERINEUM SUNNING 😭

XXIV) U R GAI SOY 🥺 IZ BAD BECUZ I AFRAID OF BEING JUDGED BY OTHER HOMOPHOBES AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT ASK ME TO DEFINE 'MAN'.

XXV) beans poopoo and also it's poor people food and I am better than them how else will they know 😔

XXVI) MIGHT MAKES RIGHT TAKE MY WIFE AND END ME ITS THE 🌈 NATURAL ORDER ✨

XXVI) YES ALIENS CAN FARM US the idea of the APEX TOP OF FOOD CHAIN IS THE REAL ETHIC.

XXVII) OKAY MAYBE MIGHT DOES NOT MAKE RIGHT, BUT MIGHT - IS! WHO THE FUCK IS DAVID HUME? Maybe I don't understand morality at all 🫸buddy🫷 but you bet your ASS I'm voting for a chudlicker every election from now until I am dead and you bet your ASS I'll be judging the condition of your lawn for the rest of your life.

XXVIII) I AM SIMBA MANIFEST. CARTOONS ARE REALITY.