Question about happiness in marriage?
So my friend and I were on FaceTime tonight and she just keeps telling me that you don’t have to be happy for a marriage to be holy, and honestly I think that mindset is really strange. I’m a Christian too, but this whole situation feels off to me.
She’s 18 and her boyfriend is almost 20. Earlier this evening, they had a conversation where they decided they aren’t going to spend time alone together, won’t kiss, cuddle, or really show any affection at al, because they think that Satan is ruining their relationship by tempting them to be physically intimate. The only physical intimacy they have had has been making out by themselves. I know that this is how far they’ve gone because she tells me everything and would immediately call me if something greater were to happen. What concerns me is that HE was the one who brought all of this up, and she just goes along with everything he says. She’s become very wishy-washy and can’t seem to see how unhealthy some of this sounds.
For example, he’s told her she’s “not allowed” to say “I love you” more than three times a day, and she just agrees with him and says she probably says it too much. He also doesn’t allow any PDA at all, not even hand-holding.
I tried explaining to her that marriage should involve happiness, love, and mutual care if it’s going to be healthy and God-centered. I brought up 1 Corinthians 7:33-34 because it talks about husbands and wives wanting to please one another, but she insists the Bible says nothing about happiness in marriage. She also keeps telling me that she’s not been forced into this and that she doesn’t want me to think that this isn’t her decision.
At this point I honestly don’t know what to think anymore, and it’s hard watching someone I care about go through this. Is this actually a normal Christian relationship dynamic, or does this sound controlling to other people too? And what does the Bible really say about happiness, love, and affection in marriage?
I’ve tried talking to her mom about this, but her mom agrees with her. In fact, her mom has been agreeing with the boyfriend and has been feeding her this same information. She even explained it to my friend how happiness isn’t a requirement in marriage and that your priority should be pleasing God instead of your partner.