Managing this solo when meds aren’t an option
Half question half vent - has anybody here dealt with separation anxiety/isolation distress while living alone with a limited support system and no option to use anti-anxiety medication (due to a congenital liver condition)? Is it worth working with a CSAT or do I simply need to give up and rehome him?
Context/vent:
I adopted a very shy/likely traumatized but exceptionally sweet and silly dog about 4 months ago. It was something that I put a lot of thought and effort into, including repeated meetings with the foster family discussions about reactivity, health, activity level, comfort with separation, lifestyle, etc. I live alone and work from home, had moved from out of state about half a year prior, but felt like I had settled in enough and was just starting to make friends.
The first couple weeks were great, easy even. Week three, the leash reactivity began to emerge. Week four, he began barking incessantly if left home alone. Both the reactivity and the separation anxiety/isolation distress seemed to escalate during month 2. I started working with a behaviorist who does not treat separation anxiety, which I was fine with because the reactivity felt like the most immediate issue (my house had a shared backyard so there was no version of going outside that was not stressful). She recently referred me to a CSAT who I’m only just starting to work with since I was moving to a new house and wanted to let him settle in first.
My whole life is on hold by this point — I can’t leave the dog home, I can’t take him anywhere we might encounter other people or dogs, and I can’t have anyone come to the house because the reactivity had by then expanded to include any visitors.
In the meantime, it becomes clear something is wrong with his liver. One more month and several thousand dollars later, he’s diagnosed with hepatic microvascular dysplasia, which had triggered early stage hepatic encephalopathy, which was driving a big chunk of the escalating reactivity and general dysregulation.
Once we started managing the liver stuff — and now that I’ve moved to a more peaceful home with a private fenced yard — the reactivity has gotten more manageable. It’s still an issue, but now he can tolerate seeing people and dogs from across the street or down the block and we’re making real progress. Unfortunately, he’s still not cool with visitors, which mostly rules out dog sitters, and I’m reluctant to enlist more than 1-2 of the few people I know well enough to invite over to practice.
Because of his liver, anti-anxiety (and most other) meds are off the table. His vet did put him on gabapentin (since it’s liver-safe) which does not do much but does seem to lower some of his baseline stress.
When I look at the situation objectively I feel like I should just rehome him but he’s a wonderful dog and if he didn’t also have separation anxiety, I wouldn’t even consider it. But he does have it. Initially, I didn’t realize because he isn’t bothered by me leaving, but once he realizes I’m not immediately coming back, he starts looking for me, whining, then crying, then barking and pawing at the door, which he generally does not stop until I (or someone) returns. Initially, I tried crating him, but realized that was just associating his crate with isolation/stress. He doesn’t get destructive or anything other than panicky and loud, but I haven’t tested it since realizing his distress.
He’s fine if he’s with other people or dogs — I have been able to have a friend watch him every few weeks and borrow another friend’s dog, which is basically the only time I’m able to get away without triggering incessant barking. But I’m super reluctant to ask people who I was in the super early stages of befriending back when I adopted the dog (and haven’t been able to see much on account of the dog) to look after him on any kind of regular basis since he has to take medication every eight hours + can’t really go on walks + can’t be alone.
I have my consultation with the CSAT next week and I’m kind of dreading it because I worry that she’ll just be like “well your situation is impossible.” I adore this dog but it’s also my responsibility to do right by him, and I recognize that that may mean rehoming him. But I also don’t want to give up without trying. The rescue is contractually obligated to take him back at any time, but I really really really don’t want them to have to.
If you’ve made it this far, has anybody else dealt with a similar situation? Is there any hope?