attention seeking (kind of a question)
i cant help but wonder if people without bpd just live normally without desperately needing and seeking attention. when i spend my days ordinarily, without any special attention from anyone, i feel incomplete, desperate and empty. when i do get this kind of attention, specially romantic (even if i dont correspond) its even worst bc i feel so euphoric that i want more and more, like a drug and when it stops i feel desperate and agitated. i want to heal and i am working on some healthier patterns and i can survive without this attention seeking, but i cant accept feeling so dull, depressed and worthless without it, i only ever feel good when i have that. the only thing that can mimic this feeling for me is alcohol, if that, but that cant be healthy either. i wish i could heal and feel good like that but without the need of others all that time. and back to that first reflection, is that "good" feeling what i am supposed to feel like in general or is that "dull" feeling what is normal and im just too needy that i think i need more?