u/0DeityOwl

During the last few months, so many changes have happened in my life, and they have affected me deeply, at first, i thought it was normal, but as time went on, I started feeling like i was losing my mind or something bcz i truly don’t recognize myself anymore, i visited psychologists/psychiatrists (2) over the past 10 months, but i stopped going after a short period bcz i didn’t feel any improvement, even the medications didn’t help much,some actually made me feel worse, so i stopped taking them in less than 15 days.....

​I’ve really tried doing a lot of things to get better, but nothing worked for long,everything was just temporary, this kept frustrating me and making me feel like u was going crazy bcz nothing seemed to help, in the beginning, i used to get suicidal thoughts, but i thought it was just temporary, that it would pass, and that they were just normal thoughts, i knew i would never actually do it, but at the same time, when i look back, i realize I’ve already done things i never imagined myself doing, which makes me feel like I know myself even less...

​Recently, I’ve also started having specific dreams (without getting into details), and when i wake up, i just feel completely hopeless and frustrated...now, my desire to end my life has seriously increased, especially after my religious beliefs changed,I’ve come to see that there is absolutely no point in living just to die in the end..

​I literally can no longer function or do any normal daily activities, I've isolated myself from everyone for months now (my family, my friends...etc),im still in touch with them, of course, but it has decreased drastically, every single aspect of my life has been impacted: my relationships, my university studies, my work... at one point, i actually decided i was going to end my life, and i even went ahead and donated some money i had invested...but then i changed my mind because i thought my situation would get better,and recently, though, I’ve become certain that i can never be normal again.-.