Hypergamy is the tendency for females to pursue a very small set of males for romanic purposes. This leaves a large part of the male population without any prospects. The result of this is a complete mismatch in matching - guys who are extremely handsome and well to do are paired with not so well to do women.

Have you noticed this within your circle?

I find EA interesting and their job noble - to look at often ignored issues that are serious like animal welfare and AI safety.

I just think that hypergamy is far more of a new pressing issue that exists today and most of society is not even aware of it. Compared to this concern, AI risks are completely theoretical.

I know it may sound ridiculous but hypergamy is causing serious problems in many counties. It’s obviously not a good situation for men and frustrated men are a good recipe for instability in any society.
I think EA should create awareness groups for hypergamy and increase funding in these areas. I think PETA but for hypergamy is a good idea.

I'm noticing enterprises buying into this new pattern called the orchestrator service. From my experience, I have noticed that it usually starts with a legacy service being too big to handle.

- Lots of contributors

- no clean code boundaries which means a lot of redundancy and ad hoc code

- scope is huge, it does everything

- deployment is hard because no one knows what the code does and what can break

- blast radius is a problem because it just runs too many things at once

So a lead comes up with a plan: "hey guys why not break our payment service into a payment orchestrator, checkout service, rule engine, loan service, customer context service that do one specific thing each".

You buy the idea and you find certain boundaries.

The orchestrator service still has the same API surface as your original legacy service because its the same entry point again (!). So you have changed no complexity at that level.

Then you create all the services and realise that the API surfaces of your child services (checkout, rule engine, loan, customer context) are all tightly coupled.

You accept that because you at least get to reduce some (?) blast radius. For instance, customer context service can go down without affecting other services. Then you realise, no, actually the blast radius problem is also not solved because how does payment work without customer context? You accept it and move on anyway.

Then you think, "well at least it allows different contributors to work across different services independently". Then your PM comes up with new requirements and then you realise you've now made things worse. There's a new tax regime and your change spans rule engine, loan service, customer context and obviously the orchestrator. Not only that, you have to change all API surfaces simultaneously. You still accept it. You make the changes. But then.. what have we really achieved? The orchestrator is always involved in every change?!

To steel-man the orchestrator pattern - it can sometimes work. If for example, the rule engine service can get big enough that entire customer features can span only the rule engine service. But is this usually true?

p.s if you want to brainstorm ideas seriously, DM's are open.

I'm bullish on AI helping in dating. I'm trying to figure out how to best design something that can help us.

I think AI helping you choose your matches can counterintuitively help you commit to the person. One might think 'I can't explain why she's the one, but the algorithm clearly knew something'. It can help solve the problem of decision fatigue that is common in dating apps today.

But also fundamentally I do think that AI can capture small nuances like personality traits, face preference and can genuinely return a good match that you can commit to. The problem with Bumble, Tinder is that it gives you 3-4 prompts and some images. But image a full history, real personality info, real preferences - AI can understand this and find the right match. It can mechanically wade through a huge set of profiles and find some one and make both of you commit to each other.

What do you think?

I went to this fancy dinner place somewhere in the Randstad region and I was flabbergasted at the lack of AC in the whole restaurant. What struck me was how beautiful the whole place was: green and soulful. But ironically, it was obvious that every single person there was uncomfortable with the whole thing.

Like a jackass I went in there wearing jeans while others were there with shorts and sandals lol. But what I don't get is: why would people willingly eat food in a fancy dinner place with 30 degrees weather and also NO fans at all?

I want to understand whether it was a "me" problem or not? Was I the only one feeling uncomfortable?

Always love travelling through this place.

- did you know Jesus was akchuallly a Muslim??

- CCP is harvesting organs and a bunch of Chinese people of the Falun Gong cult want to convince me that it’s a real thing

- bunch of built dudes of African origin practicing an esoteric religion and speaking to a camera (intriguing)

- pick up artists that always skip me for some reason

- Boomer white men who convince me to join their Kerk (nicest ones of the lot if I’m being honest)

- cute middle aged women of mysterious foreign origin ready to spill a sob story for a few bucks (they are stateless beings because the same women asks me everyday)

- unhealthy fizzy drink company giving a few samples away

Anything else I missed?

I have been seeing the same set of women who are distinctly of foreign origin trying to scam people for food/ money. They are probably part of some organised begging thing.

As someone who passes by the station and mall frequently I notice people falling for it and giving away money to them.

I personally just ignore them straight up.

What’s the right thing to do here? Cops aren’t interested and the problem hasn’t gone away in years.

What I can do is stop them from scamming someone when I notice the scam working. But that feels too confrontational.

My issue is that they are breaking the social contract that we are supposed to be nice to people in need. And when they make use of this sympathy we all feel, I feel bad.

The idea of this sub is good but it would be better with verified profiles. We can have "verified" badge and a moderator can manually verify people here.

It would solve some problems with scams and non serious people.

I know its hard to find your partners but this I need you all to hear this advice, both boys and girls.

For posters

Don't. Be. Generic.

Your strategy should not be to appear good enough for a broad set of people. Be deliberately explicit about specific things that make you stand out in the context of a relationship.

I see posts that are so generic that it gives no clue to the reader that they are a good fit or not. Ah you like music? You like travelling? You like cooking? You are literally the same as every other Bangalorean Millenial/Genz I know!

General things are fair: what you earn, caste, ideology etc are fine.

But you need to go way beyond that. A person looking at your post must really feel like they are uniquely a match for you. Why else will they take the time to speak with you or reach out if they have no idea what makes them specifically a good fit?

Put your flaws out there. Put the specific things you like, specific interests, specific needs and wants.

If you are a horrible cook, put it there. If you have some ailment - put it! A strange example but if you are looking for a partner who is also interested in playing the flute, put it!

Again: your strategy should not be to throw the biggest net possible. Your strategy should be in hopes to find that one unique person who is suitable to you.

For readers

If the poster is doing their job properly, put all your effort on that one person who you think is a uniquely good match to you. Don't reply or encourage generic posts.

The frank reality is that posting here is a long shot. Not many serious people are here for a relationship. That's exactly the reason why you should put all your flaws and your unique strengths here. Maybe the one person who is a fit for you reads it and starts something with you. That's what you should go for.

Did your POIS start after any of these incidents?

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Did POIS trigger after you started consuming artifical sweeteners of some kind? Maybe Coke Zero, maybe whey protein (which usually has this), maybe ORS or maybe just some other soft drinks?

Got this idea after noticing this pattern in 2 places.