My husband is clearly overreacting about my FanFic Account!
I’m a F25 and my husband is 27, he recently went abroad for a work trip and while he was away I asked him if I could read and write on my fanfiction (AO3) site and he said no because it takes up most of my time , I promised him I wouldn’t but I did anyways.
A little background story , since I was a teenager I became obsessed with reading and writing fiction, my main sites are fan-fiction.net and A03.
For those who don’t know , this is where you can read or write your deepest fantasy’s about anything and everything , it’s like a community.
Before I met my husband , nobody knew about my secret , we’ve been together for 7 years and I love so much.
3 years into our relationship he found out about my fiction accounts , I felt ashamed but he reassured me , told me to tell him everything and said that i could read and write with him ,he was so incredible and supporting.
A few months later from that he also realised that I could read for hours and hours with ought stopping, so I began not paying attention to him , I lost my concentration at work and at home , so he sat me down and we spoke about boundaries. We placed allocated times of when I could read and write, for example like when he’s playing his video games - this worked very well for us!
Last year my husband got a huge promotion to work offshore, so we had to move. During that move I had my exams too so I was very busy , I stopped reading and for months and months - honestly I wasn’t even thinking about it because I was with him and excited about our new life.
Until Now. So with his new job he had to fly to another office abroad for months , two months in I asked him if I could start reading and writing FanFiction again , he said No because it becomes an obsession for me - meaning less time together on the phone or messaging him. He also made me promise I wouldn’t do it until he gets back.
Well , that promise didn’t last long. I began reading and writing for weeks , we literally argued heavily for hours every weekend about different things - to a point that he even threatened divorce. I was upset and kept apologising and we would make up but I kept my reading a secret from him.
He would wonder every time I ignored him what I was doing or when we had an argument , he’d need space I would read and write for hours and hours. Of course I didn’t tell him the truth!!
Anyways we had another argument this week and he needed space again “to think on how he can improve our marriage” as he puts it! . I was writing and even asking people to tell me their deepest fantasy’s so I could write for them , to me this was a release mechanism of my depression and stress from these arguments! Anyways when he came back to make up again he realised I wasn’t even upset this time , honestly I was just over it. But we both apologised to each other but then during the FaceTime call he saw my screen in screen share - and there it was! My FanFictions.
He became angry and felt betrayed , he asked I show him my fanfic TikTok account , I tried to delete quickly and hide it but he found it and saw the comments that I was making - be even became upset that I offered another guy to write his fantasy which was 12 chapters. The worst part he managed to correlate our arguments times with the comments I was making on tiktok about my books!
He lost it! He was claiming that he was upset and crying when we took breaks (I don’t believe that) while I was “writing and asking for other people’s fantasy’s”.
I explained to him that wasn’t the case , this was an escape mechanism and I was sorry for breaking his promise but I added I needed an escape and it was a mistake!
He began crying again, talking about how I have tarnished our marriage through lack of trust , I told him it was only a joke and a mistake.
He threatened divorce and I think he’s over reacting here, it was a mistake , I was sorry nothing more.
Going through my TikTok he also saw some comments I made to another guy during our arguments only saying that “his voice is lovely”, I mean this guy was a singer ?? Yet he became angry about that too.
He claimed that the reason we had these repetitive arguments was because I was not focusing my energy on fixing our marriage and arguments yet on FanFiction and that I never would’ve told him about my reading and writing, i would’ve told him - eventually.
Anyways , I deleted all my accounts, I’m very apologetic and all my works are deleted. I truly love this man but now he believes that I don’t love him and all my sorrys where fake in the past - all the tears during our arguments where all fake too because I was able to keep a secret from him in our vulnerable times.
tl;dr I don’t know what to do but I don’t want to divorce him at all , I love him so much , he’s become distant from me and I think he’s over reacting! I have so many fans on there but I got rid of that for him - I’d do anything for him, I regret breaking our promise!