it's been 11 weeks and I'm no better than day 0.
I've done therapy (including EMDR), taken trips, gotten memorial jewelry made, and I STILL cannot handle the loss of my best boy in the entire world. I cry almost every time I come home from anywhere because I have to face that he's not here, he won't be greeting me, I have to go to bed without him being my little spoon. I'm so freaking hopeless I can't function.
I've had more days in 2026 without him than I've had with him, and it's making me realize that my lifetime will be made up of more days missing him than having him. It makes me so sick and I still cannot do this life without him. I go on his little walks every day, every night before bed I go outside and talk to him, I still carry his box everywhere. I need him HERE, though. None of it is enough.
I have so much going for me and I don't care about any of it anymore, I am a complete shell of who I used to be as a person. Nothing is worth it. This pain is bigger than I am and it hurts so, so much. I just can't believe that this will ever get better.
I miss you so much my best friend.