(In Spanish)
I had feelings that for so long his mil was competing with me & jealous of the time / attention he was giving me. Then I came across this. Not sure if she ever thought I would see this (although she publicly reposted it) but how would you react (as a dil) to seeing something like this? There’s a lot more that I have seen but this one was the most direct….
My boyfriend and I genuinely get along well. He’s my best friend and we agree on most things. But there’s one area where everything breaks down, whenever I try to share how I’m feeling about something in our relationship, it goes sideways almost every time.
He’s told me himself that he tends to read what I say as negative even when it isn’t and I’m very intentional about being gentle as well as framing things as observations, not attacks. Still, the moment he perceives something (anything) as criticism, he gets defensive and the conversation falls apart.
The pattern usually goes like this: I bring something up, he denies what I’m feeling or observing, then asks me to explain. So I do carefully, with clear examples. He’ll read them back, then continue to deny what I stated. From there it turns into a one-sided argument. He starts making comments that feel pointed or cutting (almost like he’s trying to get a reaction out of me) I don’t engage. Then he shifts to listing/sliding in complaints about me, which completely derails whatever I originally came to him with. I’ll try to communicate calmly even with him arguing. But when I see it’s going nowhere, I’ll ask to revisit it later. He won’t let it go. He will continue arguing by himself, while claiming I’m a bad person for not speaking to him, as he is like this. I’ll then ask for space (which he will not give & sometimes deny) He stays in the room with me and keeps going, sometimes for hours until he runs out of things to say and I’ve gone completely silent.
By the end I’m exhausted, checked out, and feeling deeply disrespected.
I don’t know how to name what this pattern is, and I’m not sure what to do about it. But it deeply upsets me, I prioritize open communication (he doesn’t seem to worry about communication & I feel as if he thinks going with the flow of things will resolve issues) i do tend to initiate conversations. I just want decent mutually flowing communication & for our relationship to grow in a healthy way. I’ve never experienced anything like this
TLDR: bf & I have communication issues, he will act defensively, when I’m calmly trying to communicate & I’m not sure what to do with this situation.