We were friends of almost a decade. Everyone changes for the better and for the worse as time goes on. And I needed to let her go.
My now ex-friend has always been a bit on the negative side. I don't mean depression bouts, but she was usually a negative nancy, and did make negative comments about her other friends. I used to think this was just her, and most people vent and go through difficult times as life isn't rosy, but it went on for years.
It could be from complaints about how rude store associates are to her (she does have a resting bitch face, but she is extremely friendly), how her food portion was not enough or how the meal was not tasty, how she's not in the mood to dress nice or get put together but is unhappy about herself, how someone at work is this way, how her boyfriend is this, and how her other friends (same friends who she has lack of boundaries with and complains when her boundaries are crossed, or they directly make some comments towards her) -- the list grew.
I honestly did not realize how often she was complaining because as friends - you should be a safe space for your friends. I just did not realize what toxic can look like given I prioritized being a good friend.
It didn't hit me until a few things:
I was going through a job loss and she was upset she had to move from remote to back to the office. She was livid and claimed disability to mitigate around it. I had to tell her multiple times I was sorry for her, I understood, and also am not the most empathetic given my work situation. I had no response back from her.
We went to a restaurant for dinner where they were out of something on the menu that she really wanted. She.. made a semi fit, asked the manager about it, asked for a discount next time. There was no 'JK' at all in any of her comments. I was mortified, to say the least.
She had cheated on her now fiance some years ago with multiple men, where one resulted in a legit affair for almost a year. The side guy did not know at all, ever, and confronted her about her hot and cold behavior which lead her to ending their affair. She cheated because her then boyfriend/now fiance had a dating account she found, he claims he never met with anyone nor spoke to anyone (the account did not have any messages at the time of her accessing this account), but pretended he was seeing people in his mind. This whole period was just insane, and the things she was doing.
After the side-guy ended, over a year later she revealed she was talking to a woman online and nearly met up in person. I had to tell her to stop with the madness and yes, for years have encouraged therapy.
The fiance does not know about the side guys and the woman online at all (or others) - he does not know about her sexuality either. I could not see him at all since these cheating incidents. I have never cheated, so I was in disbelief and shock.
Within the last two years, I naturally distanced myself due to extreme work hours, and realized she was not reaching out as much. She sent me a text last year that she was always here for me and etc. But I did not feel right responding back... given the above context. I realized she was trauma dumping on me for most of our friendship, she has serious questionable morals, her friends don't seem to be the most mature, and I had enough. I was done, and been done.
I still wish her the best, from a distance.