u/246qm

I apologize for the long post, I just need someone help.

i'm struggling with the hijab. i've been wearing it for 4 years but i still don't think of myself as a hijabi. i never had an epiphany or was forced to wear hijab, i just wore it the first day i started university because it felt like a "fresh start", and because it was an obligation i had to fulfill. over the past few years, i've lost so many job opportunities because of it. even my sister who was a hijabi for 8 years was turned down from two coffee shop jobs, the employers said "will that get in the way of making coffee" and "i have to ask hr about if you can wear that" nevertheless my sister kept wearing it and i know whatever isn't meant for you will pass you and Allah swt will give more opportunities, but it's really hard to deal with this, for reference we live in Florida. after 8 years my sister took it off, no one in our community other than older aunties that all started recently wears the hijab, only the two of us, but now my sister doesn't even wear it and it's made my struggles amplified because i'm the only one. i know i wear the hijab for myself and Allah swt, but it still feels unbearable sometimes. I've always been modest, even before the hijab, I've never even worn short sleeves. I just randomly wore the hijab one day as a fresh start. But these days sometimes the hijab makes life so difficult and also gives me insane sensory issues to the point with it makes me resent the hijab and islam sometimes. Over time, I've started feeling like I am doing enough sacrifice by wearing the hijab and I've stopped praying as consistently. Before the hijab, praying was all that made me feel muslim and now being visibly muslim, I feel like I'm doing enough sacrifice, but i KNOW i'm not. I want to pray and get closer to Allah swt and islam again, I've been making efforts everyday to get more consistent again but the hijab issue haunts me everyday.

I know I want to wear the hijab again, but I'm scared to take it off and die before I get the opportunity again. I just want to focus on my religion without external pressures. I also feel like if i take it off, the religious guilt will eat me alive and I'm scared of going to hell so I keep wearing it. But day by day the resentment gets harder sometimes. I also work about 70 hours a week and it gives me headaches and ear pain, I even tried wearing wig grips and headbands or no undercap to lessen the pain, but the sensory issues are so much sometimes. I'm so torn, I just want a break to focus on my religion and get back to the hijab. But i know people outside don't view it that way, I also know it'll disappoint my mom with both of her daughters taking it off and I don't want to hurt her. It just feels like these days I'm wearing it for the wrong reasons.

i've tried so many styles, colors, materials, it all feels the same. it's not even how i look with it on, i know i'm prettier with it off but i've never been one to care too much on how i look. it's just exhausting wearing it no matter what, for 5 minutes to leave the house, for 70 hours at work. sometimes i feel like whats even the point in taking it off if im already 22 and about to graduate university, what more is there after this? but i feel worried that my attachment to the hijab and intention behind it isnt even there anymore and i just keep it on bc im scared of the consequences but i dont feel attached to it anymore. I'm not sure I'll end up taking it off, i dont know if i can handle the guilt, sometimes I wish i hadn't put it on because I feel like if I take it off Allah swt will punish me and take everything good in my life. I don't know what to do i'm so lost, I've researched for months and asked so many older people but they'll never tell me anything other than keeping it no matter what. I just want someone to acknowledge my struggles sometimes.

Any tips and suggestions are appreciated.

I apologize for the long post, I just need someone help.

i'm struggling with the hijab. i've been wearing it for 4 years but i still don't think of myself as a hijabi. i never had an epiphany or was forced to wear hijab, i just wore it the first day i started university because it felt like a "fresh start", and because it was an obligation i had to fulfill. over the past few years, i've lost so many job opportunities because of it. even my sister who was a hijabi for 8 years was turned down from two coffee shop jobs, the employers said "will that get in the way of making coffee" and "i have to ask hr about if you can wear that" nevertheless my sister kept wearing it and i know whatever isn't meant for you will pass you and Allah swt will give more opportunities, but it's really hard to deal with this, for reference we live in Florida. after 8 years my sister took it off, no one in our community other than older aunties that all started recently wears the hijab, only the two of us, but now my sister doesn't even wear it and it's made my struggles amplified because i'm the only one. i know i wear the hijab for myself and Allah swt, but it still feels unbearable sometimes. I've always been modest, even before the hijab, I've never even worn short sleeves. I just randomly wore the hijab one day as a fresh start. But these days sometimes the hijab makes life so difficult and also gives me insane sensory issues to the point with it makes me resent the hijab and islam sometimes. Over time, I've started feeling like I am doing enough sacrifice by wearing the hijab and I've stopped praying as consistently. Before the hijab, praying was all that made me feel muslim and now being visibly muslim, I feel like I'm doing enough sacrifice, but i KNOW i'm not. I want to pray and get closer to Allah swt and islam again, I've been making efforts everyday to get more consistent again but the hijab issue haunts me everyday.

I know I want to wear the hijab again, but I'm scared to take it off and die before I get the opportunity again. I just want to focus on my religion without external pressures. I also feel like if i take it off, the religious guilt will eat me alive and I'm scared of going to hell so I keep wearing it. But day by day the resentment gets harder sometimes. I also work about 70 hours a week and it gives me headaches and ear pain, I even tried wearing wig grips and headbands or no undercap to lessen the pain, but the sensory issues are so much sometimes. I'm so torn, I just want a break to focus on my religion and get back to the hijab. But i know people outside don't view it that way, I also know it'll disappoint my mom with both of her daughters taking it off and I don't want to hurt her. It just feels like these days I'm wearing it for the wrong reasons.

i've tried so many styles, colors, materials, it all feels the same. it's not even how i look with it on, i know i'm prettier with it off but i've never been one to care too much on how i look. it's just exhausting wearing it no matter what, for 5 minutes to leave the house, for 70 hours at work. sometimes i feel like whats even the point in taking it off if im already 22 and about to graduate university, what more is there after this? but i feel worried that my attachment to the hijab and intention behind it isnt even there anymore and i just keep it on bc im scared of the consequences but i dont feel attached to it anymore. I'm not sure I'll end up taking it off, i dont know if i can handle the guilt, sometimes I wish i hadn't put it on because I feel like if I take it off Allah swt will punish me and take everything good in my life. I don't know what to do i'm so lost, I've researched for months and asked so many older people but they'll never tell me anything other than keeping it no matter what. I just want someone to acknowledge my struggles sometimes.

Any tips and suggestions are appreciated.