u/28wusbwkskiak

So... I lived in a pretty poor post-soviet neighborhood, and there was a small, cute puppy on the playground, you could lift it with just one hand, everyone loved it, everyone would feed it, they even gave it a small comfy house, which was a just a decorated plastic box, but hey, it was nice.

And there was I, the fat, compulsive, irritating, angry and weird kid, imagine Eric Cartman but unfunny and dumber. Yup, that was me at 8.

So, once when the kids were gone at home, I decided to visit the puppy, I wanted to hold it but then it started wiggling, I got scared and dropped it on the ground, it started whining, kicking its feet in pain, I was so shocked and scared, I just ran away and went home. Seeing such an innocent and cute thing suffer... that's terrible, but that isn't how it died.

A couple of weeks later, I decided to visit it again, it was relatively okay, I wanted to look at it, but like any dog it started barking at me, I ran away and should've gone home, but a part of me wanted to stay... I was just staring at it from far away, some old woman came to me and started talking about the dog, she said she would bring the dog some food so she went to the store, after a few minutes, I decided to come closer, it started running at me, and there came a car.

I was really scared, the puppy was chasing, when the car slowly neared, I wanted to stop it, I got in front of it and started waving my hands, but the dog kept barking and running at me, so I stepped away from it and the car... it ran over the dog. To say I was shocked is to say nothing, it was my first time seeing an actual dead body, I was frozen, in denial.

I left, after a few minutes I came back, so did the old woman with food for the dog, she was lost and confused. The puppy was gone, all there was was a small stain of blood, I thought that maybe it survived, maybe it just went away. I told the old woman that the dog was run over by a car, we found the driver and she told her that, apparently, I was KICKING the dog, I understand why it would look like that from her perspective, I was walking backwards and she couldn't see anything below my torso, but she was convinced in that, she told it with certainty. Because, of course, a child who was waving at you and getting in the way of your car would kick a fucking puppy while doing that.

The old woman believed her, I didn't know what to say, so I left. Then, the local club employee confronted me. Turns out they saw the dead dog and buried it, he grabbed me by the shoulder and started yelling at me "Should I throw you under the car, too?! Would you like that?!" I was crying out "No! No!" I bet he enjoyed my tears, after that he left me and went back to his workplace.

The kids started wondering, where's the dog? Where's the puppy? I didn't know what to say, I knew they'd all hate me and possibly beat me up if I told the truth, I don't remember how they found out, but nobody liked what they heard.

One of the kids started asking me why would I do that? Why would kill the poor dog? He even pulled out a knife, I ran away home in fear, told my mom about that, she got pissed and went outside to yell at the kids. She shouldn't have, I deserved to be threatened for that, I deserved to be hated, her defending me only made it worse. I asked my dad what to do, all he said was "Well, just watch stuff on your phone and forget about that." Thanks, dad, very helpful.

I'm bad at telling stories, but I'm sure you get the point.

Hello, I'm M(17), as far as I remember, I've always been sensitive and emotional, I never studied in school because I thought "it's useless" and preferred doomscrolling youtube, basically an Ipad kid, I never learnt basic math, I never learnt how to think, I never learnt basics of anything in general, my knowledge is limited to 3rd grade level, main reason? I was not disciplined.

My parents were often absent because they had to work, so the only one raising me was my grandma, while I love and appreciate her, she was too soft on me, she never said "no" to me, she never taught me to be mentally strong, she never taught me to do something even if I didn't want to(which is the key to discipline), my family would spoil me and never make me get out of my comfort zone, my dad sometimes acts harsh on me nowadays and gets surprised when I cry, like "why are you acting like a girl?", I don't know, dad... maybe because you never showed me how to be a man?

Also I've been addicted to phone and TV since my early childhood, because it's much easier to just give your worthless shit kid an Ipad than try to parent him. I did nothing but watch cartoons, youtube and was exposed to the kind of content I don't even want to talk about, I've been doomed to be chronically online.

I was basically fatherless my entire life since he never bothered to show me how to be masculine, I understand why, since his childhood was tough and he had to suffer constant abuse, I know he just wants my life to be easier than his, but there's a limit to everything. In result, I never made any friends, I never learnt anything, I've been obese my entire life, I can't take a joke or a dig, I get emotional and start crying, I can't stand up for myself, I can't talk to people, I can't form a proper sentence, I can't force myself to do work because I was raised with the lazy mindset, I don't even feel like I can be considered a man at all.

I love my family and they loved me, but love isn't enough.