My dead girlfriend’s best friend wants to sleep with me.
So. I. (21m) was seeing a girl “B” (20) for a few months. We’ve spoke to eachother time and time before, have known eachother for about a year and changeish before we decided to start talking to eachother seriously. She was basically a mirrored version of me and vice versa. She was so perfect. Her bestfriend (N,21) and I went to highschool together but never really spoke.
About 6 months ago me and B decided to start talking and take things slow but serious. I was just getting out of a year long relationship and she was trying to really feel me out before deciding to date me. Unfortunately,, before I got the chance to properly ask her out. She died of an overdose alone in her bedroom. Her best friend (N) called me 2 days after the funeral to let me know.
About a monthish after that and weeks of crying till my face bled, N and I went to B’s house to help clean out her bedroom alongside her family members and other friends.
We started getting closer and closer, hanging out multiple times a week and calling almost daily. I thought this was all for closure. We were all grieving and I figured the more time we spent together talking about B, the easier it’d be to get through these terrible times.
About a month ago, 3 months to the date of B’s death, N told me she has a crush on me. I had been feeling like she did but kept gaslighting myself into believing what was unfolding infront of me was NOT unfolding infront of me. My therapist said I should pop the question and so I did.
And her answer was. Yes.
She feels like she has a crush on me, she doesn’t know why, etc etc.
Great. Perfect. My dead girlfriend’s bestfriend wants to sleep with me.
After weeks of casually talking about our types and favorite this and that, I started over analyzing everything. Every subtle compliment made twords me, every door I held for her. Everything.
We were talking about this in my apartment and then drove to a bar a friend of mine was working at to continue the conversation.(only drove to the bar bc I promised my sister I’d go there while she was working to keep her company) I told her I like our dynamic how it is and… oh yea B is dead. On the drive home she says, “B is probably already mad at us for having this conversation anyways, how much madder could she get if we slept together.” I was absolutely blown.
I asked if I could touch her thigh, asked her to reach in my pants, asked if we could makeout, just to see if she was serious. In hindsight, dumb as fuck, but I genuinely couldn’t believe it. Every time she had a flirty excuse for why she couldn’t in that moment, not why she wouldn’t.
I asked if she wanted to makeout at a red light and she said yea. She leaned in, eyes closed. I leaned in, eyes open, immediately pulled tf back and yelled a little. I’m like dude wtf. You can’t just let this happen. Your bestfriend is dead. My girl is dead. What the fuck.
She dropped me off at home and before I left she told me not to test her again.
So fast forward to now. She’s basically saying she can’t stop thinking about me and doesn’t know what to do. I thought this situation was buried as soon as it sprouted.
I enjoy hanging out with N because it makes me feel closer to B. They speak the same language, N knew where B’s favorite restaurants were that B was gonna take me before she died, and she tells me all these stories about B. We literally went over B’s entire autopsy file days ago. I don’t want to stop talking to her, but I also don’t want this getting brought up again.
What do I do man. I feel like a piece of meat in a lions den. I don’t put on my expensive cologne or wear my extra fitted shirts around N. I’m just myself around her. Just basic kindness. I’m not even her type…. So its js a double triple mind fuck yk? Especially since this is the 2nd time this has happened. What have I done wrong/what can I do to make this better.
Sorry if anything is unclear. I’m just disappointed and rlly emotional right now.
I miss you Blanca. I’m sorry this is happening.
What do I do.