u/2theMoon_and_Back

I need help grounding myself and finding the strength to hold on.

I got a call from the clinic stating that not only was insurance denying my 15 session extension requested by the psychiatrist but that they were denying the rest of my treatment and would only cover 30 sessions, abruptly ending on Monday and not cover the 6 remaining that the clinic staggered out over 3 weeks.

Reason for denial is that I have not shown an at least 50% decrease in depression symptoms.

I thought that TMS could take all 36 sessions to help and that some people didn't feel better until even a month or two later?

Needless to say I feel absolutely crushed, broken and lost. Nothing like insurance dictating you're done when your doctor says you need more time. Seems counter productive to leave a depressed patient hanging... with a score over 20.

Regence can go right ahead and f*ck right on off.

They said they would look into Spravato treatments (which I feel super anxious about) but that the clinic is book 3 months out.

I can't wait until October to try and feel better. Too close to the kick off of seasonal depression which I can't manage on top of my newly out of control depression.

I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is dimming.

Hey everyone,

Like a lot of people here, I have treatment-resistant depression. I’ve always had some level of chronic depression humming in the background of my life. Not always severe, but enough to put a gray cloud over things, mute the world a little, and make joy feel like it’s coming through bad Wi-Fi.

I also have seasonal depression, which usually drops its annual emotional cinder block on top of the depression that already lives here rent free.

I’ve had major depression before, but those times had a more obvious cause. Coming out, losing my best friend in an accident, losing an important job. Devastating things, but at least there was a clear "reason" to blame.

This time, there isn’t. No obvious root cause. No big life event I can point to and say, “there. That’s the instigator.” It just seemed to come out of nowhere and crank itself up to 110%. If depression is normally a jalapeno this shit storm is a ghost pepper. I feel like I've been hit by a MAC truck out of nowhere.

This winter/spring, my seasonal depression was significantly worse, even though the weather was actually milder than usual, which felt rude and uncalled for. Over about three months, things kept getting worse until my counselor said I was dealing with major depressive disorder. Then passive suicidal thoughts showed up. That was the moment I knew I needed to do anything and everything I could to stay here and get better.

When I first learned about TMS, I felt hopeful in a way I hadn’t in a while. It was a totally different mechanism of action, and I thought...okay, maybe this weird little brain jackhammer will be the thing that meds have been unable to.

I’m currently 23 treatments into 36. So far, I don’t feel better. For about two weeks, I honestly felt like I was getting worse. I don’t know if that was the natural trajectory of my depression, the TMS, the infamous “TMS dip,” or my brain just deciding to be an ass.

So the actual reason I’m posting is this: I’d really love to hear from people who tried TMS and had either no real relief or only mild relief, then went on to try Spravato.

• Did Spravato help you after TMS didn’t?

• Did it help more than TMS?

• Did anyone get partial improvement from TMS and then more significant improvement with Spravato?

• How did you decide when to move forward?

When I first heard about TMS and Spravato, Spravato was an absolute no for me. I don’t like feeling high or out of control. The couple of times I tried THC, I got anxious because I hated feeling “off.” I'm also nervous because it seems like no one seems to get off Spravato, like does everyone have to keep doing it to feel better?

But at this point, I feel like I’m fighting for my life. I feel like I’m losing myself, and I can’t keep going down this path without trying everything reasonable that might help. I would give my left kidney, and possibly one emotionally damaged houseplant, to feel like myself again.

Realistically, if I finish TMS and don’t feel at least 50% better, I’ll probably try Spravato. But I’m hoping to hear real experiences from people who have been in this specific TMS to Spravato boat.

I’d be really grateful for any stories, advice, hope, warnings, encouragement, “this helped me,” “this didn’t help me,” or “here’s what I wish I’d known.”

Thank you in advance for your time, thoughts, and kindness.

Truly.

¹ • ☀️ • @ • ā • ⏳

Crushed: Insurance canceled TMS

TMS to Spravato