u/3hailed

i usually dont post personal stuff on the internet but im so desperate idk what else to do. 2 days ago my mom kicked me out of her house and now im living in my honda civic writing this from walmart parking lot lol. a few months ago i became very depressed because i was burnt out from work, i have 0 friends, and i feel like a failure compared to many other people my age (im 21). i am also a closeted trans person living in a conservative ass midwest town outside of chicago where not even my own family woulf accept me.

last week i had to quit my job because i was becoming s*icidal. my mom was very upset with me. iunderstand why she’s disappointed but i just couldnt do it. but my real mistake was what happened 2 days ago: i was feeling so alone, most days i just spend talking to myself and “stuck in my own head.” my gender dysphoria was so bad i just had to talk to someone about it. so i told my mom about it. i knew she wouldnt like it but she reacted much worse than i ever expected. she was screaming at me “what the fuck is wrong with you” “you really think you could be my daughter” blah blah throwing things at the wall. it was really scary. i ran to my room crying. later she went out & called me and told me she wants me to move out “you’re an adult you are perfectly capable of caring for yourself”

so i packed some clothes and books and food and things & left. i spent most of that night just crying. yesterday i tried to call my mom but it went straight to voicemail. it still feels very surreal that she would do this knowing i have nowhere to go. living like this doesnt even feel worth it.

i just needed to vent because i feel like im going crazy. if i let myself think about my situation too much i start to spiral like no one even knows i exist idk what to do how am i supposed to get a job like it’s not even worth it just to go live in my car and barely survive. idk any advice or resources for being homeless i guess? already did planet fitness membership for showers bc im kinda a “clean freak.”