My mom has surgery tmrw and I’m terrified
Welp title… lol Im F24 and my mom has stage 4 cancer and she is getting her tumor removed tomorrow. According to her doctors its a good thing because that means her chances of living a “normal” life increase by a lot… but im so scared. Im the oldest daughter. My siblings are 16 and 13 and I guess they don’t really show how they feel, they just try to show empathy and be good kids. My dad he is a great provider financially, but not an emotional one, he has anger issues and Im tired… and Im ranting here because, being so busy has made me distant from my old friends (and they are in another country btw so its even harder)
My whole life has changed since her diagnosis, I had to move back to my home country and leave all my dreams behind. I am her primary caretaker. I am tired of seeing her suffer. Im tired of seeing her complain (not because she is in the wrong, but because it gets to a point where it drains you). I am tired of looking after the house. I am tired of holding back tears for the family. I am tired of everyone relying on me. I am tired of loneliness. I want my freedom back.
With her chemo sessions she would get so sick and that would drain life out of me so much… and now that she is getting surgery im thinking only worst case scenarios… my mom has been my best friend, we have been each other support, and i love her so so so much and i hate hate hate seeing her suffer…
Right now she is in a really bad mood (probably scared ofc i dont blame her) and i wish i could hug her but i know she is gonna start crying and i CANNOT see her like that, its gonna break my heart and probably swirl our emotions even more…
But anyways… i also wish i could have a friend with me rn or my grandma but she unfortunately died from cancer a year ago so your girl is tireeeeeeeed