r/CancerFamilySupport

I am turning 18 this month, I am a high school student. My mother has had cancer for 3 years. My mother first developed pancreatic cancer 2 years ago, she was treated with chemotherapy and the Whipple surgery. She was nurse and she couldn’t work because of cancer. This summer we learned that the cancer had spread to my mother's abdominal lining and surrounding organs and she started chemotherapy again. My mother's weight has dropped to 30 kilograms and she cannot move. Even the swallowing reflex is gone now. I am so sorry for her. My mother isn't responding to chemotherapy. She is dying. We are all very tired as a family. My mother won't live to see me go to university, she won't see me make her proud. I feel sad. When my mother isn't home, the house will feel like a hotel. Without my mother, I will also be financially strapped. I miss the old days with her. Even home cooked meals will remind me of my mother. I have many burdens on my shoulders at a young age. This is not end of the world I know but still I need some support. I need your words of encouragement❤️

Hi there first I want to apologise my English is not 100% good cause its not my first language so Im sorry for that. Anyways my dad is a cancer patient since April we noticed during last year he was losing apetite and weight fast and during march he collapsed so we took him to hospital and and they found out he had tumors in in his intetines but thankfully they coul remove all of it and they did and he ended up with a *I dont know the english word for it but with a bag on his stomach he accepted it pretty well and was doing better and all even during first chemo therapies.

Fast forward to now me and my mom are hopeless because he doesnt want to eat everything smells bad to him he eats only micro sized portions If anything only thing he somewhay gets down are Nutritional drinks thay were prescribes to him but he only goes for like 2 of them a day and they are like 125ml and like 100kcal each I want to help him mom wants to put food in him but I know thays just not gonna work forcefully thing is we dont look for "healthy" option because we know thay doesnt matter now and he needs to put on some weight and it just gets me everytime seeing him so weak he is 67 but at the beggining he was looking good feeling better had more stenght but as I said the food is the issue everything smells bad and tastes bad for him and I really dont know what to try can anybody give me some tips ? Or something ? Thank you all

My father had been in a bad state during his last two months. Mentally, he was acting like a child, and I would say he was also in pain. We lost him 10 days ago.

But I kept believing that everything would get better, that things would go back to the way they used to be. You know how there are stories online about cancer patients who suddenly get better? I believed that somehow, our story would turn out the same way.

Four days before we lost my father, we called an ambulance. They told us he had been intubated, and that was when I experienced my first real shock. I thought they would give him fluids again and admit him to the ward, just like before. But my father had been sedated and intubated.

I cried so much in that moment.

On the night of the fifth day, we received the terrible news.

Yes, my father died, just like everyone else does. There was no miracle. He was afraid, he suffered, and in the end, he died.

And it is so hard to accept that this is the reality.

pretty much the title,

my father was recently diagnosed with colon cancer (not sure what type, needs a CT), but I want to do the best I can to support him in this time, I've been talking with him and we have been going out but I feel there is more that I could be doing,

any suggestions would be appreciated, thanks

The days when my father was healthy and nothing was missing from our lives were a paradise, and I didn’t even know it.

I lost my father. For the last two months, he wasn’t himself, and he suffered so much. He couldn’t walk, his mind was clouded, and he was no longer the person I knew.

The days when my father was healthy—when I could joke with him, talk to him, tell him about my problems—feel like paradise to me now. If I could, I would stay forever in that moment, exactly as I was back then.

Even if I had a hundred billion dollars now, even if the whole world were placed at my feet, I could never be as happy as I was in those days. A part of me will always be missing.

When my time to die eventually comes, I want to see my father again. That is my only wish.

[supprimé]

I don’t know if there are too many worse things in life than watching a true loved one deteriorate with no ability to help.

We found out 6 weeks ago my mom has stage 4, pdl1- 0% and no identifiable mutations. The option is chemo cocktail with one immunotherapy and a 1 out 2 chance this extends life. 3-4 months. Maybe 12-18. But the quality of life remains to be seen as well. Not that any age makes it easier but she is only mid 60s so perhaps I am naive but I just thought she was so young still.

I have 3 small kids under 10. Work full time. Feel insanely guilty anytime my mom is alone. It’s like our lives froze but the world has kept turning. I’m 2-3 stiff drinks in at this point, it seems to help lol. I’m typically pretty strong guy but this is just haunting me, not just the here and now but more so what’s coming. And no matter what I do I can’t fix this. Gutting feeling. Truly f@cking gutting. I’m nervous the cost this will have on my marriage, it will get so draining being around a miserable man constantly.

For those that have done this for an extended period, do you ever accept the burden? And come to peace with it?

I want to help my mom come to peace and accept all that will happen. I don’t want to see her devastated every day. I especially don’t want to see her leave this world not at peace. I think about that often. We have such a broken family from the past I know some of the conflict must make her think.

Anyway, this is just a vent. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Any advice or lessons learnt would be appreciated. I feel like this may be more of a marathon from hell vs a sprint. F@ck cancer.

Whether you’re religious or not, I don’t know. This is incredibly painful. And I don’t believe there is justice in this world. Some truly wonderful people go through unimaginable suffering. Their relationships with their families and the people around them become strained. They stop being able to take care of their own needs and become dependent on others for support.

Who among us would ever want to see someone we love go through such an ending? And who would want to live through something like this themselves?

I believe that, somehow, there must be something beyond all of this suffering for good people. That one day, we will be together with the people we love again.

We’ll hug them and say, “We had some really difficult days, but they’re all over now.”

There will be no illness anymore. No grief. No suffering.

We’ll just be together.

And we’ll be there as the best versions of ourselves.

My mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer last December, so I put my Dubai job plans on hold. She has now completed chemotherapy, is doing much better, and is on hormonal therapy. My father is with her, and my married sister is also available if needed.

I’m thinking of moving to Dubai around February for my career, but I feel guilty and scared about leaving her.

For other caregivers: How did you decide when it was okay to start living your own life/career while your parent was still undergoing treatment?