u/daydreamermama

My mom died on Sunday. Her memorial service is this Saturday.

There's so much stuff to do. To help my dad with. Insurance and death certificates and accounts and bills. Its alot.

But I feel weird that I don't cry? Not since I left the hospital. And I know I'll cry at the memorial but I feel like that will only be because other people are crying and not because I'm sad.

This is a weird place to be. I miss her more than anything but so far I've shoved the feelings down and locked them away to only be brought out at the appropriate time, I guess? I don't know.

I thought I'd be devastated but I'm just......here.

My mom just got placed on hospice. There's nothing more they can do they said. So I guess that's it.

I don't know how to explain this to my child. I don't know how to take care of my sister and my dad.

I have to keep ny shit together because life goes on and I don't get the luxury of breaking down.

This just really sucks. A lot.